Hilarious Small Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Small Jokes

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

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Only anti-vaxxers will get this one... Small-Pox

Score: 10345

Man: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up? Woman: No thanks, I don't like small talk.

Score: 9187

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

Score: 8816

If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.

Score: 5705

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.

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If I had a penny for every Trump joke being made right now I would have a small loan of a million dollars

Score: 2490

I have a T-Rex who sells me guns. He's a small arms dealer.

Score: 1965

Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic." The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."

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Do I ever fail to satisfy my girlfriend sexually? A small part of me says yes.

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Doctor: "Don't worry Dave, it's just a small operation" Patient: "but doc my name's not Dave!"
Doctor: "I know, it's my name"

Score: 1771

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.

Score: 1314

How do you start a racist joke? With a small million dollar loan from his father.

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I know how to make a small fortune from gambling start with a large fortune

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Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

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I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He is a small arms dealer

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My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items It's a small scale operation

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How Does a Racist Joke Start? With a small million dollar loan from his father.

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How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin? Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.

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If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.

Score: 651

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke. I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

Score: 630

A Psychic buying clothes. Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small.

Employee: You didn’t even try it on.

Psychic: I’m a medium.

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What's E.T. short for? Because he is got small legs.

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A small joke... A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks
"I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"

The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".

Score: 500

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

Score: 485

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.

Score: 481

Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4? They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.

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Why is the number of black priests so small? Most of them run away after being called father once or twice

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How do you start a racist joke? A small loan of a million dollars

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This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?" "A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"

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Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.

Score: 171

Why are Alabama weddings so small? They've only gotta invite one family

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Why do people with small dicks have a bad memory I forgot

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A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.

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A man walks into the library... And asks the librarian if they have the book for guys with small penises.

"I don't think it's in yet..."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Score: 114

Why do mermaids wear seashell bras? Because the B-shell bras were too small and the D-shell bras were too big.

Score: 106

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt? Because he was a medium

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New Small Jokes

I noticed a barista working alone in a small shop was still wearing a mask. She said, "this is a coughy filter"

Score: 10

The only rule to get out of a casino with a small fortune Is to enter there with a large one.

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The secret to walking out of a casino with a small fortune is to walk in with a large one

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I buy my guns from a guy name T-Rex He is a small arms dealer

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What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small sword Ones a little rapier

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We're told men with large feet have large dicks and men with big cars have small dicks You would almost think these stereotypes were conceived by clowns.

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Went to a costume party last night The host asked what I was supposed to be, so I told him I dressed up as a harp. "But your costume is too small to be a harp," he said.

"Are you calling me a lyre?"

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A man goes into the library... Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

Score: 66

There was indeed life on Mars, a small cat it was... until Curiosity killed it.

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What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey

(This is an old joke I saw. But haven’t seen it here in a while. So I figured some of you might get a small laugh out of this)

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How can you describe 'small' in 3, 2 letter words? Is it in?

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I buy my guns from a T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer.

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What do you call a Spanish midget? A paragraph. He's just too small to be an Essay.

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I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday. It wasn't a big deal.

Score: 75

A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward. There's a small medium at large.

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I need to rehome a dog. It's a small terrier. Tends to bark a lot.
If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

Score: 10

What's E.T. short for? he has small legs.

Score: 16

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 50

My latest trick is turning big plates into small ones. It’s saucery.

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What do you call a short, psychic who is wanted? A small medium at large

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I should write small jokes on a handful of coins I will call them "cents of humor"

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Why do mermaids wear seashells? B shells are too small, and D shells are too big.

Edit: formatting

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A man walks into a library He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"

"yes that's the one"

Score: 41

A psychic Dwarf has escaped from the prison!!! Police are looking for a small medium at large.

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I'm trying to become bilingual Does anyone know how to say "this is a pretty small orange" in mandarin?

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You know what’s more fun than traveling with small children? Anything. Literally anything…

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A guy is on a trip on a small airline. The stewardess says, “Would you like dinner?”

He says, “What are my choices?”

She says, “Yes or no.”

Score: 13

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma. Why? Because of its small pause.

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My girlfriend tells me small penises aren't a problem. Still, I'd prefer she didn't have one at all..

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Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison? He is a small medium at large.

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A psychic midget escaped from prison... The police are looking for a small medium at large.

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I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.

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A man walks into the library Man:Do you have the new book on small penises?
Librarian: Sorry, I don't think it's in yet
Man: yeah that's the one

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Trumps election win is like his erection He keeps on telling us that it was large, magnificent, and very hard. But we all know it was small, pathetic, and needed a little assistance to happen.

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Get together Son: Dad there's a small get together at school tomorrow !!!

Father: small get together.? ..how small

Son: only me...you...and principal

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My girlfriend reminds me of my pinky toe She's small, cute, and will probably end up getting banged on my coffee table tonight

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What do you get when a short psychic escapes prison? A small medium at large!

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What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail? A small medium at large.

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What do you call a psychic midget that escapes from prison? A small medium at large.

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What do you call a psychic midget on the lam? A small medium at large.

Friend just told me this one thought you may enjoy it.

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A psychic dwarf has escaped from prison He's a small medium at large

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what do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? a small medium at large

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I sell prosthetics to midgets who are amputees... I'm a small arms dealer.

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Today somebody knocked on my door and asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 41

What do you call a person who sells prosthetic limbs for kids? a small arms dealer.

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So Thor threw a really small surprise party for his Adopted Brother's birthday. It was Loki

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Why do mermaids wear seashell bras? Because "B" shells are to small and "D" shells are too big.

Score: 40

What is the easiest way to get a small fortune? You start with a large one.

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Do you know why the Little Mermaid wore seashells? Because she was too small for D shells.

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If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars

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I grew up in a small town that only had one general store, one bar and one prostitute. Mum found it pretty hard working three jobs.

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Today a man knocked on my door and asked me to make a small donation to the local swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water

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A man walks up to a girl in a bar and says "You remind me of my little toe" .
She says, "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No, its because I'm going to bang you on the table later"

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I get my guns from a guy named T-Rex... He's a small arms dealer

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A ship is sailing through the sea... passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

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My mom asked me what i wanted for xmas. I told her some clothes and something small to play with She gave me underwear with a hole cut in the front

Score: 81

How are skinny jeans like a small mansion? They have no ball room.

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Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells? Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small.

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You want some dating advice? Here you go. A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

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Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.

Score: 51