Hilarious Airline Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Airline Jokes

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive? I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

Score: 17564

Do you ever just wake up and kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you are alive? I just did and apparently I'm not allowed on this airline anymore...

Score: 12446

Score: 9859

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Score: 2005

What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using cropduster airplanes? A re-seeding airline!



This joke sucks but it's my cakeday and I was told there would be plentiful imaginary internet points .... XD

Score: 1946

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you're alive? I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.

Score: 1916

I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes... The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames

Score: 1741

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, “I want to sue the airline.” “You don’t have much of a case,” he replied.

Score: 1380

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad you're alive? I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again

Score: 834

A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court Apparently he lost his case

Score: 493

Nerd joke A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

Score: 447

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, "I want to sue the airline." Lawyer: "I see, but you don't have much of a case."

Score: 444

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said "I want to sue the airline".. "You don't have much of a case", he replied

Score: 312

“Stewardess” “Yes, Sir?”

“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”

“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”

Score: 291

A blonde rings up an airline and asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.



Score: 212

Know a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage... ...He lost his case

Score: 200

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, "Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?" "Yes," she said, "but I wasn’t willing to pay."

Score: 155

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

Score: 147

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.

Score: 143

What's the deal with airline food these days... nothing but knuckle sandwiches.

Score: 119

I heard some guy tell two horrible Malaysian Airline jokes The first one got no response, and the second one was shot down in flames.

Score: 111

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and told him that I want to sue the airline. He said, “You don’t seem to have much of a case.”

Score: 111

A man took an airline to court after they lost his luggage He lost his case.

Score: 95

Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him? Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

Score: 76

BREAKING NEWS A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Score: 61

What do you call an airplane that flies backwards? a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha

Score: 54

Did you ever wake up, give the person next to you a big kiss, and just feel glad you're alive? I did that today, and I'm not allowed back on that airline.

Score: 52

I’m furious. My holiday is ruined! I’ve decided to sue the airline that lost my luggage. My lawyer said that I don’t have a case.

Score: 52

NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled "Airline Tragedies." They are putting the pilot together right now.

Score: 49

Single airline stewardesses are very lucky... for their convenience all men are already sorted into different classes.

Score: 45

Blonde and the Airlines A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Score: 44

United Airline jokes aren't dead They're just overbooked

Score: 23

A guy is on a trip on a small airline. The stewardess says, “Would you like dinner?”

He says, “What are my choices?”

She says, “Yes or no.”

Score: 13

Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.

Score: 11

Trump proposed new regulations for the airline industry... Because even Hitler didn't remove passengers with reserved seats.

Score: 11

New Series For The The History Channel The History Channel is planning a new series, “Airline Tragedies.”

They are putting the pilot together as I write this.

Score: 10

A man took an airline company to court after losing his luggage He lost his case.

Score: 8

I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines It was a drag

Score: 7

A man was taking an airline to court for losing his luggage Unfortunately he lost his case

Score: 7

Airline companies are always having to hire people. Because most of their employees take off.

Score: 6

New Airline Jokes

A man who sued an airline for misplacing his luggage Unfortunataly lost his case.

Score: 3

I’ve been thinking about a career as a airline pilot I’ve been told it can be quite grounding.

Score: 0

Meal-time on a cheap flight It was meal-time during a flight on a cheap airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked.
'What are my choices?' I asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

Score: 2

I can’t believe my airline points keep on expiring... those frickin’ flyer miles.

Score: 1

Aviation Lawyer joke. I need some good aviation lawyer joke/pun. Hit me with your best shot.

Let me open with this.

The airline lost my luggage, I want to sue them but the lawyer don't think I have a case.

Score: 1

Why did the homeless airline pilot land in a furniture store? He wanted to crash on their couch.

Score: 3

Honey I just bought us airline seats that can't be kicked or disturbed! Wife: OMG did you get us 1st class seats!?!

Husband: No we're in front of the handicapped section.

Score: 1

Been awhile since I've seen some United Airline jokes on this sub Guess they were dragged out of the meta

Score: 3

An eagle checks in at the airline ticket counter with a dead rabbit under one wing. The agent asks, "do you want to check the rabbit?" "No, this is carrion."

Score: 2

So how about that airline food? Pretty Plane if you ask me.

Score: 5

I wanted to become an airline pilot, but do you want to know what I became? HIV positive

Score: 2

What did Dr. Dao's head doctor tell him after he got kicked off the United flight? You have an airline fracture

Score: 4

I seem to keep forgetting the name of the airline that does direct flights from America to Indonesia. I think its Amnesia.

Score: 2

I just took an airline to court after my luggage went missing... They lost the case

Score: 3

Well it's official, America's most popular airline is now.... Amtrack

Score: 2

Why did no one recognize the airline pilot? Because he was the master of disguise.

Score: 1

Stop With The United Airline Jokes! Like seriously, it's dragging on Wei Tu Wong.

Score: 1

Airline oneliners not enough seating, prepare for a beating

Score: 4

The perfect mother-in-law gift idea United Airline tickets

Score: 2

United Airlines has just become the safest international airline Not even terrorists would fly with them anymore

Score: 1

My friend Ted told me he would not give anymore money to "that awful airline company everyone is talking about". So I said, "U N I, Ted !"

Score: 2

I had a bad airline experience the other day... I don't want to name names, but let's just say me and my luggage were not... "united".

Score: 1

Careers at United Airline 1. Bouncers

Score: 1

A United Airline a day Beats the doctor away

Score: 2

In response to the recent Airline controversy We must stand United. This just doesn't fly.

Score: 1

What did the Syrian say about the airline food? He'd say it was awful if he could get on the plane.

Score: 3

What airline does Sophie Turner use when she's filming Game of Thrones? Luftsansa

Score: 5

On checking in, I told the airline rep that I was going to New York, but I wanted my large bag to go to Tampa and my smaller bag to go to Tokyo. "We can't do that, sir." she declared.

"Why not?" I asked. "That's what you did when I flew with you last week!"

Score: 2