Hilarious Blue Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Blue Jokes

Online classified ad Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

Score: 11686

I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue! I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

Score: 6175

Score: 4933

What's blue and doesn't weigh much? Light blue.

Edit: Unsurprisingly my worst joke has the most upvotes in my /r/jokes career

Score: 3839

Purple is my favorite color! I like it more than blue and red combined.

Score: 1885

What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

Score: 1820

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1783

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow

Score: 1756

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Score: 1529

What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.

Score: 1304

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.

Score: 1251

Dad joke: What's blue and doesn't weigh very much? Light blue.

Score: 1119

I went to the doctors with hearing problems He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1103

Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Score: 1058

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer. He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

Score: 846

I went to the doctor with hearing problems.. He said "can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Aye, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair!"

Score: 644

Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’ Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’
I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’

Score: 610

Whats blue and doesn't weigh much? Light Blue.

Score: 359

Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

Score: 333

I went to the doctor with hearing problems He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homer is fat, Lisa is smart and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 306

A Poem Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Stop memes about Harambe

-Cincinnati Zoo

Score: 297

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 291

Doctor: I understand you're experiencing hearing difficulties. Please describe the symptoms. Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

^(Posted on behalf of /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter's comment section)

Score: 258

A Valentines Poem Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

Score: 244

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom... ... unless they're flashing behind you.

Score: 238

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... ...until they are flashing behind you.

Score: 236

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court The game would be cancelled.

Score: 233

Green chameleon for sale... No, a red one.

No, blue.

No wait, a pink one.

Cool.

Never mind, I'm keeping it!

Score: 199

My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blue hair...

Score: 199

Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said “homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair”

Score: 175

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria. I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

Score: 126

What Colour Confuses an Idiot? Blue

Score: 85

Did you know that if you drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8 Ball, you can see the future? My friend Keith did once and he said he was gonna die- and he did!

Score: 67

Went to the doctors with hearing problems.. He says can ya describe the symptoms,

I said yes Homers fat and Marge has blue hair

Score: 64

Roses are red, violets are blue My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do

Score: 63

What's the difference between a hooker, a girlfriend and a wife? A hooker says "that's all", a girlfriend says "is that all?" and a wife says "blue. I think I'll paint the ceiling blue."

Score: 47

Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date. When he found her naked, he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."

Score: 47

Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink? Because they can't dress themselves.

Score: 44

How often do I put orange slices in my beer? Oh, once in a Blue Moon.

Score: 37

Violets are blue, roses are red We’re doing this backwards

That’s what she said

Score: 35

New Blue Jokes

What do the colors in the Italian flag stand for? Red: food

White: architecture

Green: music

Blue: a strong and courageous military

Yellow: competitive Formula 1 teams

Score: 5

What do the colors in the German flag stand for? Black: cars

Red: sausages

Yellow: beer

Blue: jews

Score: 30

What’s the most dangerous thing you can be asked in Los Angeles, Liverpool, and Manchster? Are you a blue or a red?

Score: 4

The Blue Whale is the largest creature to ever exist on the planet Earth. But Greg's Ex-wife is a close second.

Score: 4

A short poem about schizophrenia. Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm schizophrenic

And so am I.

Score: 6

LPT: Remember, besides blueberries, anything blue in the wild is poisonous and not fit for consumption.... The same rule applies to video game cartridges.

Score: 7

I went to the doctors with hearing problems last week. He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 6

What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.

Score: 14

I like my women like I like my cheese Blue, a little below room temperature, and easy to slice

Score: 6

If the Red Man lives in the red house, the Blue Man in the blue house, the Yellow Man in the yellow house, where does the Orange Man live? The White House

Score: 6

A son and a dad are talking Son: Why is the sky blue?

Dad: The same reason your eyes are blue.

Son: So the sky slept with the postman?

Score: 22

If a red bird has red babies and a blue bird has blue babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow

Score: 13

Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems... Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?

Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair

Score: 23

The blue man lives in the blue house, red man lives in the red house, green man lives in the green house. Who lives in the White House? The orange man.

Score: 5

I went to the doctors I went to the doctors about my hearing problem, and he goes can you describe the symptoms, and I said yes well homer is the fat one marge has blue hair.

Score: 6

What's blue and doesn't weight very much? Lite Blue

Score: 5

Roses are Red Roses are Red, Violets are Blue
Pornhube is down
Your Facebook will do

Score: 9

A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.

Score: 20

What's red and tastes like blue paint? Red paint

Score: 18

My doctor asked me about the symptoms I answered: "Well, Marge has blue hair and Homer is fat.

Score: 5

I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing… He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

I said, “They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

Score: 7

An ode to old ladies knickers. Rose's are red

Violet's are blue

Ethel's are green

Score: 3

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.

Score: 4

whats a blue whale's favorite date night? netflix & krill

Score: 3

My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. " So I told him that Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

Score: 4

How do you know if you're driving behind a physicist? Their rear bumper has a red sticker that says "if this appears blue, you're driving too fast."

Hope it isn't too niche.

Score: 4

What does Elvis wear on his feet when he can't find his Blue Suede Shoes? His Jailhouse Crocs

Score: 3

What's black, blue, and red all over? A suspect.

Score: 6

Imagine if Picasso was a girl... Do you think she would have had blue periods?

Score: 6

What is blue and tastes like yellow paint? Blue paint.

Score: 3

Roses Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm Schizophrenic,
so am I

Score: 6

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a knife. Get in the van.

Score: 9

A red ship crashed into a blue ship! They were marooned

Score: 26

Roses are red, violets are blue I am a schizophrenic
And so am I.

(Credit to 'What about bob?')

Score: 4

Went to the doctors yesterday... ..I said: "doc, im having problems with my hearing"...."really? Can you describe the symptons?" he replied I said "yes, Marge has blue hair and Homers a fat bloke"

Score: 20

[Interview] "What are your strengths?"
Me: I fall in love easily.
"Okay... what are your weaknesses?"
Me:Those blue eyes of yours.

Score: 3

Roses Are Read, Violets are Blue I thought I was ugly,

Until I met you.

Score: 3

What do you get from a sad cow? Blue cheese.

Score: 25

The purple man lives in the purple house. The green man lives in the green house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the White House? The orange man.

Score: 3

The blue man lives in the blue house. The green man lives in the green house. Who lives in the White House? The orange man.

Score: 6

I dreamt of a cobalt blue pig last night. When I woke up I realized that it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Score: 13

You throw a red rock into the blue ocean, what does it become? Wet. The rock becomes wet.

Score: 5

For the valentines spirit Roses are red violets are blue I am pregnant but it is not from you

Score: 6

roses are red, violets are blue in soviet russia, poems write you.

Score: 5

Why did Purple hate Red? Because she left him feeling Blue

Score: 6

My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes. She must have never heard of the holocaust.

Score: 15

A ship carrying blue paint has collided with a ship carrying red paint in the English Channel. 32 sailors have been marooned

Score: 4

I told my doctor I´d got hearing problems He said "describe the symptoms"
I said "Homer´s a fat bloke, drinks beer, and Marge has got blue hair"

Score: 5

I went to the doctor because my hearing problem The doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms?'
I said 'Yeah, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair'

Score: 12

What do 90's boy bands and blue spruce trees have in common? They all have frosted tips.

Score: 3

What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye? Pink eye

Score: 7

Tried to cover Miles Davis but failed miserably... I Kind of Blue it

Score: 3

What do you call a blue-eyed blonde that doesn't eat meat? A vegetaryan

Score: 15

For a second I wasn't sure if I should give my patient a blue toothbrush or a pink toothbrush. It was a trans-in-dental moment.

Score: 5

What did the blue crab call his ex girlfriend? Old Bay

Score: 3

What's blue and gold and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts.

Score: 4

What is black and smells like blue paint? Black paint.

Score: 7

A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today. The survivors are marooned.

Score: 4

The color red walks over to the table where Blue and Purple are sitting "Sorry," says Blue, "you can't sit with us. You aren't cool enough."

Score: 5

Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro... Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro.

Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."

Pedro: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"

Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."

Score: 15