Break Up Jokes

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Funniest Break Up Jokes

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

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Funny Break Up Jokes
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Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

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I witnessed the break up of an obese couple I guess they didn't work out.

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I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend... Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.

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I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend Love meant nothing to her

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My girlfriend threatened to break up with me She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."

I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."

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Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes. Him: Ok. And for the main course?

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What’s the worst way to break up with a blind person? “I think we should see other people”

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I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today. She was seeing other people.

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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her. She was seeing somebody on the side.

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I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer. She wanted us to raise a family together.

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Britain should have written a break up note "It's not EU, it's me"

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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl? You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.

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Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up? They were just never on the same page...

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My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats... I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

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Its hard to break up with a Japanese girl You have to drop the bomb twice before she understands.

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My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups... That's the last time I buy A Dell.

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My girlfriend: If you don't stop making Scooby Doo references, then I'll break up with you. Me: Alright gang, let's split up.

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Why it feels so hard to break up with a japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

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Why did the personal trainer break up with his girlfriend? She just wasn't working out.

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Why is it so hard to break up with your Japanese girlfriend? Because you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space.

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How do you break up a fight between two blind people? Yell "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

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What's the worst part of having to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it

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Why did Captain Kirk’s girlfriend break up with him? Because he Shatner face.

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Why did x and y break up? They couldn't function together.

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Break ups are the worst in China. You see her face everywhere.

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Why did the harp break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a lyre.

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Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye? Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

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How do you break up an Al-Quaeda bingo game? Yell "B-52!"

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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

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Why did Beethoven's girlfriend break up with him? He would never listen to her.

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So, I was dating a Japanese girl... The relationship grew old rather quickly so I decided to break up with her. When I told her, she just stood there in disbelief. It's like you have to drop the bomb twice for them to get the message.

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How do you break up with somebody in Italy? It's not you! It's a me, Mario!

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We need to break up... ...your busy schedule with some well deserved snuggle time!

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Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend? He saw her sucking someone else.

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How do functions break up? They stop calling each other.

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Did you hear about the guy and girl who mutually decided to break up because the guy had ED? There were no hard feelings.

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Why did the two book lovers break up? They weren't quite on the same page.

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New Break Up Jokes

At first I wanted to break up with my girlfriend because she didn’t like to play video games... It wasn’t really something to Fallout 4.

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Why did I break up with my crab? I caught her chitin.

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How do you break up with your Chinese Girlfriend. You just delete Wechat.

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Why did the strict grammaticians break up? He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

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My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because 6 inches was not enough for her. I told her "Fine next time I'll get you the footlong subway".

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You know what to say if you ever have to break up with a vegan? It's not you, it's meat.

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Why did the illegal immigrant break up with her boyfriend? He was an ICE guy.

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What do robots say when they break up? Connection failed

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She: we need to break up He: but why?
She: for starters I can't take your jokes anymore.
He: and for main course?

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I found out that my girlfriend is a member of the kkk I won't break up with her because her head is on point

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Why did 1 break up with 2 after they rooted? Because she became irrational.

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Why did the sea otter break up with his girlfriend? He wanted to sea otter people.

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I was gonna break up with an ex-girlfriend because she had a Linkin Park poster on her wall But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

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Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese person? Because you have to drop the bomb twice for them to understand.

P.S. : Reposting this as some Japanese folks didn't get it the first time around.

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What will an astronaut say to his girlfriend to break up with her? "I need some space!"

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If you break up with your girlfriend from Maryland Is she your Old Bae?

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What did the Spanish Monk say to break up with his girlfriend? No mas stay.

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I had to break up with my girlfriend because she had bad breathe... ... I guess it just wasn't mint to be.


Edit: Sorry grammar police, I can't edit the title. But thanks for keeping the mean streets clear of unwarranted use of the letter "e".

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How do you break up with a tree Leaf me alone, I’m stick of u

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Why did Rudolph's girlfriend break up with him? He didn't have a Stable job.

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Coordinate planes are kinda like relationships. You meet a person, decide to take it to the next level, they break up with you, and you wonder why they did.

I guess you could say they are now your x and you’re wondering y

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I had to break up with my Seismologist girlfriend. She kept pointing out all my faults.

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Why did the guy have to break up with his triplet Wiccan girlfriend? He couldn’t tell which witch was which.

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Why physics teacher break up with biology teacher? There was no chemistry

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I had to break up with my girlfriend, she doesn't like Star Trek. I told her I need some space.

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Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? The trial period was over.

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What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You break up with her

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How does a guy from Alabama break up with his girlfriend? It's over, and I'm sorry. I hope we can still be cousins.

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Why did the ghost break up with her boyfriend? He was too possessive.

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I keep missing the people I break up with I need to practice my aim more.

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Why did the quadriplegic man break up with his girlfriend? He was tired of being *pushed around*

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Why did its break up with it's? It's is possessive.

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Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy... Always trying to break up, only to be reunited by a third party.

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My girlfriend said she wanted to break up It's okay though, she said we could still be cousins

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I think my phone might want to break up with me... It keeps telling me it needs some space

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What did Jay Z say when he called to break up with his girlfriend? It's Hova.

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What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in North Korea? B-52! B-52!

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What hurts more than a break up? Hair fall.

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Why did the tree break up with the board? He thought she was too plane.

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Why did the TV break up with the remote? He was too controlling.

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Why did Richard Spencer break up with his Asian girlfriend when he saw her working at a Chinese grocery store? Because he realized she was a rice trader.

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i had to break up with my girlfriends because i was making references to Bethesda games what a strange thing to fallout for

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I had to break up with a girl once because of her breath. They were lopthided.

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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

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What did the otter sing after his break up? Alanis Morrisette "you otter know"

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My girlfriend said that she'd break up with me if I kerp on making cheesy puns Its okay some things just are'nt ment to brie

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