Hilarious Cocaine Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cocaine Jokes

Score: 16384

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine. I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

Score: 14676

Got called in for a drug test at work... They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

Score: 3256

My Cocaine Is So White Police Let It Go With A Warning

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Cocaine is never a solution... Unless it's dissolved in water.

Score: 744

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known... ...that he was a barber.

Score: 641

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men.

Score: 555

I remember when I worked at the United Nations And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

Of course, I called him immediately.

"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"

Score: 536

Cocaine isn't addictive I've been doing it for 5 years i would know

Score: 492

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine." "10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

Score: 481

I had a cocaine joke, but now I can't find it It makes me really mad because I had it all lined up

Score: 445

I think some drugs should be legalized... but cocaine is where I draw the line.

Score: 347

I'm sick to death of cocaine dealers... always sticking their business in other people's noses.

Score: 320

My friends all say I'm a cocaine addict, but I disagree. I just like the smell.

Score: 301

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort? Enough to kill two and a half men

Score: 285

I’m ok with cigarettes, alcohol, and even marijuana. But cocaine is where I draw the line.

Score: 196

I'm ok with marijuana, and smoking and even heroin But cocaine is where I draw the line!

Score: 194

How much cocaine can a smuggler sneak into prison? a buttload.

Score: 177

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort in 2015? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Score: 160

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit. It was the end of the line for him.

Score: 154

I'm ok with marijuana, smoking, and even heroin But with cocaine I draw the line

Score: 145

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service I'll call it instagram

Score: 141

I heard this great joke about cocaine It was so funny that I snorted a little.

Score: 114

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug? White powder!

Score: 100

I hate cocaine dealers. Always sticking their business into other peoples noses.

Score: 100

I’m okay with cigarettes, alcohol, and even marijuana. But cocaine is where I draw the line.

Score: 90

I Only Like Cocaine For One Reason Its because of the way it smells

Score: 88

Do you know how much cocaine Charlie Sheen uses ? Enough to kill two and half a man.

Score: 78

I like my women like I like my cocaine... ...white, skinny, and kept in line with a credit card.

Score: 70

I tried a few drugs here and there in my life. Weed, painkillers, alcohol etc. But when it comes to cocaine I draw the line.

Score: 53

I have never used cocaine. I just like to smell it.

Score: 50

I was having dinner at my girlfriend's house for the first time. "Excuse me, I just need the toilet," I said, excusing myself from the table.

"Don't forget to spray the air freshener!" joked the dad.

I said, "No need. Cocaine doesn't smell."

Score: 47

Between Coffee and Cocaine… …it seems like the country of Colombia just wants to wake up the world.

Edit: Spelling

Score: 38

I don't really like cocaine... I just love the way it smells

Score: 34

I would never do cocaine thats where I draw the line.

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What's the difference between a pound of cocaine and a baby? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a pound of coke fall out of a window

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I'm not addicted to cocaine I just like the way it smells.

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I'm not addicted to cocaine... I just like the smell.

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Has anyone else ever tried cocaine? I haven't, I just like like the way it smells.

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What's the difference between a pound of cocaine and a 4 year old child? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a pound of cocaine fall out the window.

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New Cocaine Jokes

What’s the difference between the guy on this hundred dollar bill and George Washington? George Washington isn’t currently covered in cocaine

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After years of peer pressure, I finally gave in and tried cocaine. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

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I do a magic show making weed and cocaine disappear It's all just smoke and mirrors

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i’m a one man act in an incredible magic show involving marijuana and cocaine... ...it’s all smoke and mirrors :)

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I'm from Colombia and if I got a dollar everytime someone asked me if I sell cocaine. I would still sell them cocaine, 'cause profits.

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I have just met a Chinese drug addict. He said 'Have you seen my cocaine?'

I said ' Not since he starred in Zulu'

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Don’t let your eye doctor give you cocaine The first line will be big. But then they just get smaller and smaller.

Score: 10

I don't know what you consider a drug... ... But cocaine is where Freud draws the line.

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I’m writing a play about doing cocaine off of a rack... But I’m having a hard time getting past the titular line.

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If you came across 10 kilos of cocaine in the back of a rental car, what would you do? Cocaine

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Cocaine.... I don't like cocaine but I like how it smells!

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DRUG DEALERS IN COLUMBIA President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia.... But they only earn $3 billion a year. So why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

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What is Cocaine Addiction? Just another bump in the road

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Do you know what the difference between an eightball of cocaine and a four year old child is? Eric Clapton wouldn't have let an eightball of coke fall out of a 53rd story window.

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Police have found $ 12 million worth of cocaine, 6 AK47 assault rifles and 200 live hand granades at a house behind the library in
Mitcham
Residents are said to be shocked as they didn't know there was a library in Mitcham
.

Score: 2

Why was the mushroom the life of the party? Because he was giving out free cocaine

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I just put my neck on the line. But apparently that's not how you're supposed to do cocaine.

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What's the difference between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

Score: 11

Between the Coffee and the Cocaine I think it's Colombia's mission to keep the world awake.

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Police today said they found a stash of cocaine in a horse box They're on the look out for drugs mules

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I’m not addicted to cocaine. I just like its smell.

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I don't like cocaine.. I just love the way it smells.

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I’ve invented a new brand of cocaine that will literally blow your head off. I call it Kurt Cocaine.

Score: 15

I've been clean for a year now. Showering every day was hard, but at least I had cocaine to help me through it.

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Cocaine in school One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing cocaine before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.

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What do you call the border of Finland? The Finish line.

What do you call a cocaine addict's last use of the drug?
The finish line.

Score: 1

A local minister gave a presentation on cocaine the other day It was really hard to understand him.

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"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot..." "...No one's going to feed my cocaine addiction."

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You know, I really like cocaine jokes. They always crack me up.

Score: 9

Cocaine isnt addictive I should know. Ive being doing it for years

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What's the difference between a kilo of cocaine and a baby? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo of cocaine fall out of a window!

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What do you call a cocaine addict who runs out of supply? Crackalackin

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What do you call a group of close friends doing cocaine in an airplane? UNITED AIR-LINES

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What's the difference between cocaine and video games? One is a controlled substance, the other is a controlled substance in Germany and Australia.

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What does the Mexican Duck Cartel deal in? Quack Cocaine and Mariswana.

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My teacher asked me to write about a time I took a risk in life. Apparently cocaine isn't a valid answer.

Score: 11

What's a duckling's favorite drug? Quack Cocaine.

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What does a racist cocaine addict say when he meets a black person? "White Powder!"

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What's the difference between a small child and an 8-ball of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let an 8-ball fall out the window.

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Why did the black guy have cocaine sprinkled on him? The cops were out of bullets.

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Why was Britney Spears addicted to the cocaine? Because Kevin fed her lines

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What do you get when when you mix cocaine and LSD? Time

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Rain Drop, Drop Trop. Cocaine made Carrie Fisher's heart stop.

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I don't like cocaine. I just like the way it smells.

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What's the difference between your girlfriend and cocaine? I don't have to pay for the blow.

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(Man) I'd like some cocaine please. (Drug Dealer) Is pepsicaine ok?

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

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what's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a child? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

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What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a child? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

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