Diamond Jokes

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

I asked my wife what she wanted for christmas she told me "nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace" so I bought her nothing

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings." So I got her nothing

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal." "Until the pressure got to him."

Marriage is like a deck of cards At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.

By the end you just want a club and a spade

My girlfriends birthday is in a week and she said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!" So I got her nothing

My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring". So I bought her nothing.

A marriage is a lot like a card game In the beginning there's two hearts and a diamond but by the end you're looking for a club and a spade.

My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace" So I got her nothing.

Yo mama so fat... her carbon footprint turned to diamond.

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner? Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”


“She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

Marriage is like a deck of cards You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend Fair trade if you ask me

Marriage is like a card game. At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

Marriage is like a deck of cards... In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond and by the end you want a club and a spade

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission. I guess I'll deal with him later.

I came up with a science joke... Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?

They have a big carbon footprint...

neil diamond........ Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.

Marriage..... ......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade

Marriage is like a card game. You start with two hearts and a diamond... But in the end you need a club and a spade...

A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace" So I bought her nothing.

Marriage is like a deck of cards... In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

My marriage is like a game of cards It started out with two hearts and a diamond, now all I want is a club and a spade.

The coal industry has been under a lot of pressure to change In other news, the diamond industry continues to grow.

My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday So I took her to a baseball game

My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days. And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.

So I bought her nothing and now she is mad at me for no reason

Marriage is similar to a deck of cards In the beginning you have two hearts and a diamond, but by the end all you want is a club and a spade.

Marriage is like a game of poker At first you have two hearts and a diamond
By the end all you want is a club and spade

Marriage is like a game of cards... At the beginning you need two hearts and a diamond, but at the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

When I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Christmas, she said "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace!" So I bought her nothing....

Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring." Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond? Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds

Kid: well what about my name?

Mother: never mind about that Richard.

What idiot called it an engagement ring... When he could've called it a Kneel Diamond?

Whats the difference between a diamond player and a master player in League of Legends? About 1400 dollars

Whats long, hard, and gets women excited? A diamond encrusted submarine you freaking pervert.

Woman: (flashing diamond ring) “Look what happened last weeeeek!” Friend: “OMG really?!??!”

Woman: “That’s riiight,” she continues waving the ring around. “Grandma diiiiied.”