Hilarious Green Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Green Jokes

These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.

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If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

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What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

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When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!

Edit: wow, this is my highest rated post. Finally broke the 1000 karma barrier thank you all

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What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

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If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.

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I just found out I'm colour blind The diagnosis came completely out of the green.

(Courtesy of a family member)

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I beat a black belt at karate. My next challenger is a green sock.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

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What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe damnit! BREATHE!!

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Why does nobody play Uno with Mexicans? They always steal the green cards.

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Why can't you play UNO with Mexicans? They'll steal all of the green cards.

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What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights

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What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you? A pool table.

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My doctor told me I am colorblind. I had no idea! It came right out of the green

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What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero? Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

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I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind.. It came completely out of the green

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Why can't mexicans play uno? They steal all the green cards.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!!!

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Green chameleon for sale... No, a red one.

No, blue.

No wait, a pink one.

Cool.

Never mind, I'm keeping it!

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What's big, green, and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican? Because they steal all the green cards

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Yesterday, I found out I was colorblind The news came out of the green.

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What's green and sits on the porch? Paddy O'Furniture.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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What's the difference between a high and drunk driver? The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

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A guy goes to the doctor. A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

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A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar... The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."

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What is green but turns red when you push the button A frog in a blender

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If light travels faster than sound. Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?

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People laugh at my car because it's ugly and green At least I avacado

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What’s the smallest unit of time in the known universe? The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.

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Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger

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I'm never playing uno with Mexicans again. They take all the green cards.

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Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!

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What's big, green and if it falls out a tree it could kill you A pool table

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Never play uno with a Mexican They take all the green cards

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Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date. When he found her naked, he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."

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New Green Jokes

What do the colors in the Italian flag stand for? Red: food

White: architecture

Green: music

Blue: a strong and courageous military

Yellow: competitive Formula 1 teams

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Playing UNO with illegal immigrants is no fun. I asked if they have any green cards and they ran like the wind.

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PETA, in an attempt to improve its terrible public image, is launching a new, green plastic product line. Everything is made from 100% recycled pet.

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What's big and green, brown and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would certainly kill you? A pool table... (A billiards table)

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I went on a golfing trip with a friend of mine. He told me to meet him “on the green” at 7 It’s 7:15, I’m stoned out of my mind and have no idea where he is.

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What do you call a green-skinned, pointy-eared Star Wars action figure driving a Japanese car? A toy Yoda driving a Toyota.

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Why do you never play UNO with a Mexican? They always take the green cards.

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What's green on the outside, red on the inside, and has watermelon seeds? A watermelon!
Now,
What's green on the outside, red on the inside, has watermelon seeds, and isn't a watermelon?
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Half a watermelon.
That's my dad's favorite joke.

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What's the difference between a red traffic light and a green traffic light? Please answer quickly, I'm almost at the intersection.

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Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.

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What is a Jewish, a Black and a Russian man waiting outside a brothel for? The Black man is waiting for the light to turn green, the Jew is waiting for the prices to drop and the Russian is waiting for his wife.

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When do you stop at Green and go at Red? When eating a watermelon

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Why shouldn't you play Uno with Donald Trump? Because he steals all the Green Cards.

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I had to stop playing UNO with my Mexican friends... They kept taking all the Green Cards.

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What's red and green and goes 50 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

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What do you do when you see a green alien? Wait until they are ripe!

* I'm either really tired, or this is so stupid it's hilarious

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Went to the doctors office today, turns out I'm colorblind... The diagnosis really came out of the green.

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Why should you never eat Jolly Green Giant vegetables? Because he always stands over the corn and peas.

Ho ho ho....

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The blue man lives in the blue house, red man lives in the red house, green man lives in the green house. Who lives in the White House? The orange man.

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I see this a very green subreddit everyone here recycles properly

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Olive joke A green olive and a black olive are hanging out, doing what olives do, going to the Olive Garden.

On the way out, the green olive trips and falls. The black olive is like OMG are you okay?

The green olive says yeah, olive

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A vegetable joke: One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"

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A drunk driver will run a stop sign. A stoner will wait for it to turn green.

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I hate playing Uno with Mexicans. They take all the green cards.

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If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be... Franken Stein 2020

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A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.

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What day is the best for punk and rock music? A green one apparently.

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I'd tell you a joke about a fiery green lizard But it would drag-on

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What's green has four legs and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

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What do little green men exhale? Kerbin Dioxide

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Why do Mexicans suck at playing Uno? They always keep all the green cards

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Never play Uno with mexicans.. They keep taking all the green cards.

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What's green and got wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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I don't play Uno with my Mexican friends.. They're always stealing the green cards.

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Which actress stays consistent, especially in the winter time? Eva Green

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Why do you never play UNO with Mexicans They take all the green cards

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When do you go on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon.

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What is a telephone's favorite color? Green green, green green

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I asked my boss I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. Paddy's day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.

Know anyone hiring?

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What's green and would kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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What's green and covered in bacon grease? Kermit's finger

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Who are James Gatz's (The Great Gatsby's) least favorite superheroes? Green Lantern and Deadpool

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The blue man lives in the blue house. The green man lives in the green house. Who lives in the White House? The orange man.

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When was the first car horn used? Exactly 0.001 seconds after the first traffic light turned green.

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Did you hear about the Bowling Green Massacre? No?
Neither did the victims.

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a green pea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a green pea on him.

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"Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing green spots." "Have you seen an optometrist?" "No, just green spots."

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What's long and green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

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/r/Jokes won the International Green Awards! 97% recycled content.

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Why shouldn't Mexicans play UNO? They keep taking all the green cards

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What's green and eats nuts? Syphillis

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Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal the green cards.

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Green Lantern That name has a nice ring to it

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A guy goes to see his doctor... He says, "Doctor, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home."

The Doctor says, "Hmmm, it sounds to me like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Tom Jones Syndrome, is that common?"

"It's not unusual."

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Why do you never play uno with a mexican? Because they will steal all the green cards.

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I Just watched San Andreas yesterday. Completely unbelivable. I mean. The Central Valley was green.

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What's brown, green and fuzzy and if it fell from s tree it would kill you? A pool table...

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Do you know why I stopped playing Uno with my Mexican friends? They steal all the green cards.

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I don't like playing Uno with Mexicans... They always steal the green cards ...

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What do you call a cowardly, depressed communist that recycles? A green yellow red with the blues.

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