Paddy Jokes

What's green and sits on the porch? Paddy O'Furniture.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime? Paddy O'Furniture!

(Happy St. Patrick's Day)

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions..... An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"

Paddy says "Are you on foot or in the car?"

The Englishman says "In the car."

Paddy replies "That's the quickest!"

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Paddy's. Edit- Paddy's not patty's

What's Irish and sits by the pool? Paddy O'Furniture

What's Irish and stays outside your house all year no matter the weather? Paddy O'Furniture.

What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture.

I asked my boss I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. Paddy's day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.

Know anyone hiring?

Circumcised Paddy says to mick.
“I’m getting circumcised tomorrow!”
Mick says
“ I had that done when I was a few days old”
Paddy asks
“Does it hurt?”
Mick then replies
“Well I couldn’t walk for about a year after “

Paddy's firework party was a complete disaster. "I don't understand it!" He said. "They all worked fine when I tried them yesterday,"

What's Irish and comes out in summer? Paddy O'Furniture

What's Irish and sits in your garden? Paddy O' Furniture

What's Irish and lives on your back porch? Paddy O'Furniture.

Not guilty Paddy went to trial for armed robbery.
After a long drawn out trial, the jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."

"That's grand!" shouted Paddy. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

What's Irish and sits on your lawn? paddy o' furniture

3 paddys are out for dinner English Paddy tells his wife "pass the sugar, sugar"

Scottish Paddy asks his wife "pass the honey, honey"


Irish Paddy says "pass me the milk




Cow."

What do you call an Irishman passed out on your deck? Paddy O'Furniture

Paddy and Mick see a sign Walking down the road in Ireland, Paddy and Mick see a sign see a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted".
Paddy sighs and says, "It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!".

What do you call a drunk Irishman sleeping on your porch? Paddy O' Furniture.

Two Irish fellas, Paddy and Murphy are looking for a job They are walking down the road when they see a sign saying "Tree fellers wanted - apply within"

Paddy says "Hey Murphy, if we find another person we can apply for that".

Epilepsy Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”.

Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

What Irish and sits on your lawn? Paddy-O Furniture

An Irishman is at the top of the diving board about to dive in when the attendant yells out "Stop! The pool has no water in it!" "That's OK" says Paddy. "I can't swim".

Irish lawnmower Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with Mick when a truck went by loaded with rolls of turf.

“I gonna do that when I win the lottery,” says Paddy.

“What’s dat?” says Mick.

“Send me lawn away to be cut,” says Paddy.




edit;typing

A hitman beats a cow to death in a ricefield using two small porcelain figures. Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon It was a knick-knack paddy whack

My Irish friend Paddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night. "What did you get?" I asked.

"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over $180,000."

I said, "Dude, these are from an real estate agents."

A mobster killed an Irishman with a porcelain doll He was accused of knick-knack paddy whack

"Shoo ... shoo" An Irish man is standing in the street, irractically waving his arms in the air shouting "shoo ...shoo".

A puzzled passerby asks him, "What are you doing, Paddy?"

"It keeps the dragons away", he replies.

"There are no dragons, Paddy".

"You're welcome!"

Two Irish men are in a plane when the roof comes off! Donal says to Paddy, "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out?"

"No way Donal" says Paddy, smiling, "we'll still be best friends."

Paddy goes to court for armed robbery! Paddy goes to court for armed robbery!
The jury foreman comes out and announced
"Not Guilty"
"That's Grand", shouted Paddy!
"Does that mean I can keep the money?"

Mick and Paddy on an airliner. Mick and Paddy were on an aeroplane, and halfway through the flight, Mick spoke:

"Paddy, if this plane would turn upside down, do you think we'd fall out?"
And Paddy replied "Nah, we'd still be mates."

Paddy was speeding down the motorway When the blue lights of the police appeared in his rear view mirror.

Pulling him over, the police man said "I've been waiting for you all day!"

Paddy replies "well, I got here as fast as I could!"

What's the difference between St Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo? Everyone is proud to be Irish on St Paddy's day

What do you call an Irish outdoor furniture salesman? Paddy O'Furniture

Paddy's wife shouted at him "why didn't ya help when I fell down the stairs?!" Paddy replied "oh sorry love, I thought it was the intro to EastEnders"

Our top story of the day. Today hit-man Jimmy "Two Shoes" Mclardy confessed to once being hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two porcelain figurines.

Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

What do you call an Irishman sitting outside? Paddy O'Furniture