Queen Jokes

Contents

Funniest Queen Jokes

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.

Score: 26171

Chess is banned under Islam They hate that the queen moves freely.

Score: 13524

I broke two of my dads Queen records... Now I want to break three.

Score: 8029

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"? She probably gets royalties

Score: 495

If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend that nothing happened. Noble Gases shouldn’t have a reaction.

Score: 324

What do you call a circle of $100 bills? Aretha Franklins!


(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Score: 267

If Queen Elizabeth accidentaly farted during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.

Score: 267

Fidel Castro is dead Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

Score: 207

I just got caught breaking two of my dad's favorite queen records Now I want to break three

Score: 103
Funny Queen Jokes
Score: 95

Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during a dinner and all the other guests have to pretend nothing happened Noble gases are supposed to have no reaction

Score: 70

I was playing chess with my Australian friend He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".


I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"


Confused he said, "mate, I know."

Score: 68

My wife told me she wanted me to treat her like a queen. So I had her executed with the guillotine for betraying the revolution and promoting undemocratic, outdated ideas.

Long live the republic!

Score: 65

What did the man say to the Queen after she told him he was to be put to death by guillotine? “So no head?”

Score: 64

The queen asked the visiting Indian Prime Minister, "I hear Indian politicians are notoriously corupt and wealthy" "Quite so," he said, "but none so brazen as to wear their loot on their head".

Score: 52

The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died. Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.

Score: 48

Saudi Arabia is banning chess, calling it Haram. Reasons are : 1. Queen doesn't wear burkha.
2. Queen roams freely wherever it wants .
3. Queen is more powerful than King
4. Queen alone goes to other army's side
5. And.... Most importantly there's only one queen..

Score: 46

A joke for Donald Trump - what do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles? Killed in a tunnel

Score: 38

Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper

Score: 38

Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.

Score: 37

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader.

Score: 37

I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king" "Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.

Score: 37

I've just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody... I think it was filmed in a cinema though as I see a little silhouetto of a man...

Score: 37

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth? Killed in a tunnel...

Score: 37

What's the difference between a queen and a king sized bed? A king is slightly larger but a queen may move as far as it can in any direction.

Score: 37

Did you hear Oral-B and Queen Latifah are making a toothbrush together? It’s called clean-ya-teefah!

Score: 36

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland. The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, “Is that a scone, or a meringue?”

The waiter replies: “Naw, yer quite right, that’s a scone.”

Score: 34

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Because Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

Score: 33

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen? Killed in a car crash.

Score: 32

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen? You're a Blizzard fairy!

Score: 32

Why is chess banned in islam? Cause the queen moves freely

Score: 31

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the queen? Murdered in a tunnel in France.

Score: 28

What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles? Killed in an automobile accident.

Score: 26

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant? Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Score: 19

The queen of England farted and quickly looked for someone else to blame. "Bidwell!" she shouted to a servant, "stop that this instant!"
"Of course, your majesty," he replied. "Which way did it go?"

Score: 18

For your consideration: A historical, circular triple entendre Why did the Queen join the Navy after making herself breakfast in bed?

Because she was impressed by Her Service.

Score: 14

I had a date with a six foot, eight inch drag queen I found on Craigslist. Boy was I disappointed when I discovered he was 6’8”

Score: 10

I've never seen a royal flush. Then again, I've never been in the Queen's bathroom.

Score: 7

The Queen and Prince Charles The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

Score: 6

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood? Because she's married to Mister Softee.

Score: 5

Popular Topics

New Queen Jokes

How does the Queen of England stay so thin? She keeps her pounds in the Bank

Score: 1

What do you call the Queen of the Cows? The Moonarch.

Score: 0

Why won’t the queen ever die? She drinks immortallitea

Score: 0

If you think about it, the Queen from Snowwhite isn't really the villain. She got framed by the mirror.

Score: 0

A guitarist goes undercover in an ant nest A worker ant recognizes the secret agent and shouts "That person over there is not a worker, that is Queen!"

He was trialed for conspiracy.

Score: 2

Why was the Englishman bad at chess? Because his queen does nothing

Score: 1

Arab's are Queen fans Homesexuality : \*exists\*
Arab countries: we will we will ROCK you....

Score: 1

Why does the Queen only wear velcro shoes? Because she doesn't have to untie royal knots

Score: 2

What do you call Lady Gaga if she ever becomes Queen? Lady O. Gaga

Score: 3

What's the difference between a drag queen and a dragon queen? You stab a drag queen in the back...

Score: 2

It's happening in Las Vegas and it's happening after the queen of England has taken a dump. It's a Royal straight flush.

Score: 2

Apparently Dairy Queen got pregnant Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.



Sorry for the lameness, so many kids just dont get the good jokes.

Score: 2

What’s the difference between a model and a drag queen One’s having more fun

Score: 1

I was so excited when I booked a date with a six-foot, ten-inch drag queen on Craigslist. Boy was I disappointed when is discovered he was 6’10”

Score: 2

The British use the phrase "Long live the queen," & the queen is the longest lived monarch in history. So you'd think they would have realized that they would have realized there might be an issue always saying Princess Di...

Score: 4

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

Score: 5

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Charles? Killed in a car crash...

Score: 5

Why couldn’t Dairy Queen have any kids? She married Mr Softee.

Score: 1

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in “The Crown”? She probably gets royalties.

Score: 2

Soldiers Queen: Come to bed.
King: Not until I have a name for my soldiers.
Queen: K, night.
King: Babe, you're a genius!

Score: 4

Why Did The Queen Wear Black Gloves To Princess Diana's Funeral? The white ones were covered in brake fluid.

Score: 5

What do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles? Dead in a tunnel.

Score: 1

The king tried to stop the party Queen:"Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball."

Score: 1

What do you call a bloke who buys and sells pubs? An arms dealer.

... Hey, it's funny if the queen's still on your country's cash.

Score: 1

When Queen Elizabeth dies there will be two days of mourning. One for the funeral and one for the coronation.

Score: 5

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John? Only one of them got to be Queen of England...

Score: 2

Queen: Come to bed, my love. King: I can't, I have to think of a name for my soldiers.

Queen: K, night.

King: ... My love, you're a genius!

Score: 3

What do you call it when a bee proposes to a bee queen? A BEEtrohal!
ba dum tss....

Score: 1

Why did the feminists boycott the Casinos. The Queen was worth less than the King.

Score: 2

My wife asked me to treat her like a queen. So I divorced her when she failed to bear a male heir.

Score: 1

What do you call a drag queen with a cold floating in a pool? Phlegmbouyant

Score: 3

What did the lead singer of Queen say when he saw his shadow? "I see a little silhouetto of a man!"

Score: 3

Prince William and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing checkers... William makes his move, when over the radio they hear that the Queen has died. The Archbishop says to William "I'm so sorry for your loss." to which William says "King me."

Score: 2

Why didn't Cleopatra believe her husband's story? because she was the Queen of Denial

Score: 1

A charming man walks into a bar and shouts: "THE QUEEN IS DEAD, BOYS!" The barman says: "Too soon, Morrissey"

Score: 2

What does the US Army have in common with a queen bee? Drones do all their work for them

Score: 2

why did the burger queen split up with the burger queen? she couldn't handle his whopper

Score: 1

How many men died in the battle during the movie 300? 299 "Because only Spartan women give birth to real men"- Queen Gorgo

Score: 1

What do you call a female United CEO? A drag queen

Score: 4

Saudi Arabia bans chess, calling it a dangerous game Because:

1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.

2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.

3. Queen is more powerful than the King.

4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.

5. And....there's only one Queen

Score: 5

The Queen takes the Bishop, leaving the Knight in a vulnerable position. This royal wedding is taking an unexpected turn.

Score: 3

Queen Elizabeth may have died at 102 years old but Princess Diana got to 120 when she died.

Score: 4

I just read a post about Queen Elizabeth II, and something struck me as odd... After spending 65 years on the throne, I suppose she's the most constipated ruler ever.

Score: 2

Why is Trump so keen to stay with the queen in the UK? He heard she has golden bathrooms and can't wait to try out the showers.

Score: 3

(From my 7 year old) Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go.

Score: 4

I love the queen in chess... I always mate with her.

Score: 3

Lorde just surpassed "Τhe Queen," Beyoncé... ...and thus was given the title "The Lorde Protector."

Score: 1

What's the difference between Queen Victoria and Ellen Pao? Queen Victoria

Score: 1

Popular Topics