Hilarious Steak Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Steak Jokes

Score: 632

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak? Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

Score: 553

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay upvote the picture of the lamb steak? Because it was /r/aww

Score: 451

What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out

Score: 192

I cooked my friend a steak, perfect medium rare. He said, I like it well done. I said thanks.

Score: 167

I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, “I like it Well Done.” I said, “Thanks buddy. That means a lot.”

Score: 145

A waiter served me some rare steak But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".

Score: 142

Why don't vegans take risks? Because their life could be at steak.

Score: 122

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.

Score: 107

I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today. I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".

Score: 93

Guy orders a steak at a restaurant. The waiter brings it out and its rare.

"Excuse me, I said well done." says the guy

"Oh sorry, I didn't hear you", says the waiter, "Thanks very much!"

Score: 81

What's the difference between a security guard and a butcher? One stays awake, the other weighs a steak

Score: 77

I had small wookiee steak for dinner... ...it was a little chewie.

Score: 75

There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell... Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

Score: 75

2 Stormtrooper are eating a Wookie steak it was chewy

Score: 71

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef? Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Score: 71

What do you call an illegitimate female cow? Miss Steak

Score: 66

How do Vampires like their steak? Any way is fine other than through their chest

Score: 65

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant. A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Score: 64

David Cameron Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".

Score: 63

A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!"

Score: 63

How do you kill a vegan? A steak through their heart.

Score: 63

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried His life is at steak

Score: 58

The waiter said to me “I just want to let you know that kids eat for free.” I said “Good! I’ll take a water and some chicken tenders, and my daughter will have a steak and a kids Bud Light.”

Score: 58

What's the difference between a night watchman and a butcher? One stays awake, the other weighs a steak.

Score: 48

What is a vampires least favorite food? Steak!

...I'll see myself out now.

Score: 40

My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween. I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"

I told him, no a giant Miss Steak

Score: 37

How do you like your steak Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?

Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.

Waiter: Rare it is.

Score: 34

Being vegan is wrong! I think it’s a huge missed steak.

Score: 34

Why are steak puns so rare? Because they are never well done.

Score: 32

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today. Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

Score: 32

What's the difference between a butcher and an insomniac? One of them stays awake, and the other weighs a steak.

Score: 23

There aren't many books on how to cook steak It's a rare medium done well.

Score: 19

Fastfood Clerk: Number 27! Double steak combo with extra fries!

Man: Right here!

Clerk: Here you go sir, sorry about your weight.

Man: Oh, it wasn't long at al- wait...

Clerk: >:D

Score: 15

I like my work like I like my steak Rare and definitely not well done.

Score: 13

Truly delicious tofu recipe: 1) Chuck the tofu.

2) Fry a juicy steak.

Score: 10

What do you call a joke about steak? Well done

Score: 10

In Jamaica it costs £3 for a steak pie, in Trinidad it's £2.50 These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Score: 9

How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak? "Beat beet, meet meat."

Score: 8

I love a good steak joke It's a rare medium well done.

Score: 8

New Steak Jokes

I've worked in a restaurant for a couple of weeks now A customer wanted his steak rare today but I messed up and it was medium.
My boss says that I'll get fired if I make another Misteak

Score: 0

That upscale restaurant received a D grade on their Board of Health inspection Their surf and turf dish was Steak Diane with Salmon Ella.

Score: 2

Just bought myself a new pair of headphones which have a weird fault. In the left ear it’s saying “chicken and mushroom” and in the other ear it keeps repeating “steak and onion.” That’ll be the last time I buy anything from Pioneer.

Score: 2

I helped with the barbecue of a NYSE 500 company. It almost made me feel like a steak holder.

Score: 1

You know how when you are cooking a really nice steak, and your mouth starts to water? Does the same thing happen to vegans when they mow their lawn?

Score: 6

My blonde roommate walked into the bathroom with an undercooked steak, camera, and towel. She said "I'm getting some snaps of a rare, meatier shower."

Score: 2

Why did the Chef have lots of Cow Friends? They gave him great Steak tips

Score: 2

I tried to impress my in-laws with my favorite joke about the vampire butcher and failed... Which sucked cause there was a lot at steak

Score: 1

Carl the serial killer was sentenced to death. He requested a steak burrito from Chipotle as his last meal. When asked if he wanted chips and guac he said "yes but hold the guac, it gives me indigestion."

Edit: this was funnier in my head

Score: 2

Why did dracula order a steak ? Because he wanted to die

Score: 2

Cannibals like their women like they like their steak Literally

Score: 1

I was going to post the joke about the steak that was on the grill too long, but it’s overdone.

Score: 1

What do you call an unwanted female cow? A miss steak mistake.

Score: 2

I would tell a joke about steak... But it's never well done.

Score: 8

steak puns are rarely well done

Score: 1

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you smell a steak cooking on the grill? Is that what happens to vegans when they mow the grass?

Score: 4

Dad joke: What did the sleepy dragon order at the steak house? A filet mignon.

Score: 1

The first time I had steak it was medium-rare, and I overheard my grandpa say "they're all pink in the middle" I just got served a sirloin well-done, now I don't think my grandpa was talking about steak...

Score: 2

A guy at a restaurant pays for his meal after eating. Waiter: sir, you forgot to pay for your steak.
Guy: oops ..... my mis-steak.
Waiter: please leave the restaurant.

Score: 1

I've given up on steak-related puns. It's a medium where the well-done is truly rare.

Score: 4

We were eating dinner the other day when I noticed my brother was cutting his steak and stacking it up. I had to knock it over The stakes were just too high...

Score: 3

What do you call it when you can't shot a 1000 pound cow? A big missed steak.

Score: 2

Luck "How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant. "Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"

Score: 3

My friend asked me what I thought about vegetarianism. I said it was nothing but a big missed steak.

Score: 6

My girlfriend said to me 'If you could, would you want to know when you died and why?' I said 'No'
She replied 'Well, I'm going out to buy some steak knives, want anything?'

edit: clarity

Score: 7

You could say that going vegan... is a huge missed steak.

Score: 6

It's hard when you work at Black Angus Your whole reputation is at steak.

Score: 4

I like my steak like I like my compliments... Well done.

Score: 3

Why did the chimp have a steak on his head? He wanted to be a Grilla

Score: 5

I ordered a steak last night and it came a bit undercooked. I don't usually eat it that way.. ..But last night was a rare occasion

Score: 8

How do you kill vegan vampires? With a steak to the heart.

Score: 3

Steak Puns They're a rare medium well done

Score: 5

I made a good video about steak in a sea of bad videos about steak... I guess you could say it's a rare example of a medium well done.

Score: 8

You should know much bacteria is on raw meat. Lives are at steak.

Score: 4

Why did the Hamburger and the Steak fight? They had some beef

Score: 8

How do you kill an Indian vampire? With a steak

Score: 5

I had a Wookie steak last night It was a little Chewy...

Score: 4

What does Hitler like on his steak? Au Jus.

Score: 3

I've built a spice catapult that is capable of seasoning a steak from a distance of 100 yards. It's a little hard to aim but there's no sense crying over every missed steak.

Score: 8

NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42... NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42
Dragon steak for lunch, and Unicorn pie for dinner.

Score: 4

I really regret becoming a vegetarian It was a big missed steak.

Score: 6

What do you call someone who invested in a cattle farm? He has a steak in it.

Score: 3

A good steak joke is hard to find. It's a rarely well-done medium

Score: 6

How does Gordon Ramsay know that his steak is undercooked? The Hindus are still worshipping it.

Score: 2

Steak Puns are a Rare Medium, Well done.

Score: 5

What do you call a cold cow? Shake 'n Steak

Score: 2

Did you hear about the debacle at the USDA's beauty pageant? They crowned a Miss Steak.

Score: 2

My local newspaper ran a story on the decrease of cow psychics. It was called "Steak Medium Rare"

Score: 3

Where do epileptic cows go while waiting to see the doctor? Steak 'n Shake

Score: 1

I tried to tell my daughter some jokes…. Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Her: Ground beef.

Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?

Her: Steak.

Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?

Her: Mommy.

Score: 7

Why are good meat jokes common? Because well-done steak jokes aren't rare

Score: 1