Hilarious Taxi Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Taxi Jokes

Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Guy: No, minding his own business.

Score: 1216

Score: 973

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

Score: 777

A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar.... Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Kid: No, minding his own business.

Score: 340

An Iranian man comes home to his wife He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"

The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"

Score: 281

If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord... His name would be Taxi Vader

Score: 251

I was in a taxi today and the driver said "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do." Then I said "Turn left"

Score: 212

A man waved at me, so I waved him back but apparently he was waving at a woman behind me, so I kept my hand up and stopped a taxi that took me to the airport. I am now in Ireland starting a new life

Score: 133

What’s Darth Vader’s corrupt brother’s name? Taxi Vader

Score: 113

I was in a taxi and the driver said “I love my job. I’m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!” I said “That’s really great, now take a left here.”

Score: 105

What’s the smallest unit of time in the known universe? The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.

Score: 76

I was in a taxi today and the driver said, “I love my job. I’m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.” Then I said, “Turn left here.”

Score: 70

"Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?" asked the taxi driver. "Is it his shield?" I asked.

Score: 53

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver... It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile...

Score: 40

I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen

Score: 39

My grandpa died peacefully in his sleep Unlike the passengers in his taxi

Score: 35

Two Irish men were talking one morning.. "You were so drunk yesterday!", said Callum.

"Why, What did I do?", said David.

"You took a taxi home!"

"So what, it means i don't wan't to get caught for drunk drivin'!"

"The party was at your OWN HOUSE!"

Score: 34

Just met Darth Vader's corrupt brother. Taxi Vader

Score: 26

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service. It'll be called NiCab.

Score: 24

What do you call a man who's had ten pints and wants to drive back home? A taxi.

Score: 24

Sadly, I had to quit my job as a taxi driver... I just couldn't stand everyone talking behind my back.

Score: 23

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out my customers didn't like it when I went the extra mile.

Score: 23

A Vegan Couple at a Restaurant : Hey waiter, We're vegan! What should we get? Waiter : A taxi.

Score: 23

On the holidays I got quite drunk and being responsible decided to take a taxi home It's still in my backyard what do you guys think I should do with it?

Score: 22

I had a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a taxi. Then I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Score: 19

I’ve spent the day in a German police station. Word to the wise… Don’t go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.

Score: 18

I want to die peacefully like my Grandfather did... In his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his taxi.

Score: 18

Taxi driver I was in a taxi today and the taxi driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..." Then I said, "turn Left"

Score: 18

"Hello, barman? Give me another drink!" I yelled.

He said, "I think you've had enough, sir."

"What makes you say that?" I laughed.

He said, "I'm a taxi driver."

Score: 16

I was in a taxi yesterday and the cab driver was telling me how he loves his job because he is his own boss and no one can tell him what to do Just as he finished speaking I told him to turn left

Score: 16

"Hey Dad, I'm going to the airport. Call me a taxi.' Dad : "Hi taxi"

Score: 12

A naked woman enters a taxi The taxi driver stares at the woman until she asks
-"What are you staring at?" And the driver responds
-"Just wondering where you're gonna get the money from"

Score: 11

What do you call a vegan blind date? A taxi.

Score: 9

My dad always taught me to go the extra mile... I guess that was pretty bad advice though - it just got me fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Score: 8

On a rainy night , a man says to his girl. "Here, take this umbrella and get home safely." The girl asks, "What about you 😢 ?" The man says I'll take the taxi

Score: 6

What's a politicians favorite car? A taxi

Score: 6

The guy driving in front of me didn't indicate, so I screamed at the top of my lungs. He said, "Calm down, mate. Otherwise you can leave my taxi."

Score: 6

What do you call an underwater taxi? A scuber

Score: 5

I saw a taxi that said "Low Flat Rates" on the side They must have good tires.

Score: 4

I'm very bad at being a taxi driver I always seem to drive my customers away

Score: 4

New Taxi Jokes

Taxi Driver first day in the gym When he gets asked, do you Lyft?

Score: 0

An Uber and a taxi drive into a bar, The passengers turn to eachother and say,

“Atleast we didn’t take a lyft”

Score: 2

I said hello to a pretty girl which I thought was waiving at me But it happens that it was to someone behind me.
To avoid the embarrassment I kept my hand up and a taxi stopped. So I went to the airport and now I am in Finland, starting a new life.

Score: 2

I'm not saying my taxi driver is poor. But he charges by the inch.

Score: 1

I was kissing this girl in a bar. She said, "Do you want to split a taxi?"

I said, "I don't know how strong you think I am."

Score: 3

Women call me everyday because of this one thing. It’s called a taxi

Score: 3

Professionalism Fully Nude Lady gets into taxi, Driver looks at her top to bottom repeatedly..

Lady asks, "Haven't u ever seen a naked woman before?"
Driver: It's not that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

Score: 3

Women call me ugly until they see my car. Then they call me an ugly taxi driver.

Score: 1

A couple was at a restaurant when waitress came to them, the couple let her know that they were vegan and asked what she would recommend. a taxi

Score: 2

What's the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf? Werewolf

Score: 2

What did the taxi driver say to the wolf? Where-wolf.

Score: 4

You know you've landed with the wheels up when.... It takes full power to taxi.

Score: 1

What did the taxi driver first say to the wolf? Werewolf

Score: 2

After spending a while with a girl, I eventually asked the question. "So, where do we go from here?" She said, "You tell me. You're the taxi driver."

Score: 2

I gave up being a taxi driver, the business was full of snakes Everyone was always talking behind my back

Score: 2

Our son was a by-product of a raunchy night in the back of a car. With one very open-minded taxi driver.

Score: 3

You know why hitler never took a taxi? He was more of an Ubermensch.

Score: 1

A horse walked into a bar and ordered a beer. At this point, I decided I'd probably had enough to drink for the night and called a taxi.

Score: 1