Tongue Jokes

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

The Human Centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek.

I'm building a brothel for lesbians. No studs in the building, it's all tongue and groove.

What makes a good tongue-twister? Well, it's hard to say...

My daughter saw me eating prosciutto True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."

I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"

"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested I heard that they’re giving him a really tough sentence.

A world tongue twister champion just got arrested I heard they are going to give him a tough sentence

Did you hear the one about rim jobs? It's very tongue in cheek.


-came up with this while trying to fall asleep. Pretty sure it's OC

I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.

People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath... I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.

Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today. Customer: Yeech! I'd never eat anything that came from an animal's mouth. Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. They said he'll be given a tough sentence.

Why shouldn't you take rimjob jokes seriously? Because they're all tongue in cheek.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool

What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common? People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it.

TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue without looking ridiculous.

At school A teacher writes on the whiteboard: HNO3 and asks a student:

\- What substance is that?

\- Hmmm... wait a moment... It's on the tip of my tongue!

\- Spit it out at once!!! That's nitric acid!

Vaginas are like snowflakes While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

My grandfather got his tongue cut out in a POW camp He doesn't like to talk about it.

What does "LSD" stand for again? It's on the tip of my tongue....

Have you heard about the new condo complex for lesbians? It's all tongue in groove construction. Not a stud in the whole place.

What is something that tastes better than it smells? A tongue

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He was drinking coffee before it was cool.

How did the hipster burn their tongue? They drank their tea before it was cool.

A woman is complaining to her neighbor Wife: My husband is 300% impotent.
Neighbor: A few days ago you told me 100%, not 300%.
Wife: Well, yesterday he fell down the stairs, broke his finger and bit his tongue.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his food before it was cool.

Did you hear about the house the lesbians built? It was all tongue and groove, and not a stud in sight.

Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other... "Hey, are we venomous?"

The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."

"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue."

My grandfather got his tongue shot off during WWII He never talked about it.

My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2 He never talks about it.

What Language Does a Mailman Speak? Parcel-tongue

Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other, "Hey, are we venomous?" The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."
"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "because I just bit my tongue."

Why'd the hipster burn his tongue while drinking his coffee? He drank it before it was cool.

Why is it "mankind"? It rolls off the tongue much better than "womancruel"

What is your Tongue's Best Friend? Its tasteBUDS!

What language do delivery drivers speak in the Harry Potter universe? Parcel tongue

I had a joke about an ice pole... But I couldn't put my tongue on it.

What language do Fed-Ex drivers speak? Parcel-tongue