Hilarious Young Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Young Jokes

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body Then I was born

Score: 14013

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

One day when I was young...... I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

Score: 10061

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Score: 2180

Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields? I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.

Score: 1604

Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

Score: 1566

A young lady from my office just sent me an email saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

Score: 1552

How to find out if you're old or not: Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young. If they panic, you’re old.

Score: 1288

I met a pretty girl. Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 1252

Making jokes about Trump taking us to war is all fun and games until You realize you're a healthy young man

Score: 821

Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

Score: 770

A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"... "Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.

The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

Score: 722

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I asked a young pretty homeless woman if I could take her home? She smiled and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

Score: 703

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him... Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

Score: 506

A young Korean couple are lying in bed... When the guy starts farting nonstop.

The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"

"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."

"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."

Score: 419

A young boy asks his dad: "Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?"

The dad replies: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend next door is also my son, that is confidential."

Score: 413

Marriage joke My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

Score: 375

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

Score: 373

Homeless girl I asked a pretty, young, Homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 320

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That is true in every country, son."

Score: 315

the homeless woman I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 306

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.

Score: 282

Camouflage training The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning."

"Thank you very much, sir."

Score: 280

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Score: 262

A young boy asks his dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?” The dad replies, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That’s confidential.”

Score: 262

A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"

The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"

"How you know my name!"

Score: 245

Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.

Score: 241

Two young lads break into a distillery... One boy says to the other, “is this whiskey?”

The other boy replies, “yes, but not as whiskey as wobbin a bank.”

Score: 237

I lost my watch at a party once.. I found it ten minutes later, but some guy was stepping on it. As he stood on my watch, he was sexually harassing a young woman. So I walked up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody does that to a girl. Not on MY watch.

Score: 225

An airplane yells at his rebellious son... .. "Watch that altitude, young man"

Score: 209

When I was young I asked my mum what a couple was she said,"oh two or three." And she wonders why her marriage didn't work.

Score: 139

[Offensive] Adolf visits the concentration camp and asks a young boy how old he is "I'll be 6 soon!"

"Nope"

Score: 121

Pain. Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…

“What operation are you having done?”

“Getting my tonsils out, what about you?”

“Circumcision”

“Oh that’s bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn’t walk for a year”

Score: 118

What do you call a young plastic covered sheep? Laminated

Score: 111

My cousin just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3". I always knew he liked them young, but this is ridiculous.

Score: 109

Hear about the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his beautiful young wife? He fired them.

Score: 93

I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..." I continued, "Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

Score: 81

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

Score: 77

A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"

Score: 73

New Young Jokes

Why are school shooting jokes so popular? Because they’re aimed at young people

Score: 9

Where do the senior army officials buy stuff? A: The General store Why are the young recruits sexually active? A: They have Private parts

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A teacher was arrested for loligagging at work. He was caught strangling young girls.

Score: 5

When i was young, i was so ugly even the priest told me we could be just friends.

Score: 17

Why are so many young people turning to socialism and communism? Because then they can seize the memes of production.

Score: 4

I got a cheap circumcision when I was young. It was a rip off.

Score: 18

As a long married man I always offer the same advice to young people getting married Don’t

Score: 4

A young couple is in a bus. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Score: 7

As a young man, I used to love my birthday parties , but now anytime my birthday candles are lit state law requires that a fire extinguisher be present.

Score: 5

Why did Kevin Spacey go to space? To molest young stars.

Score: 17

What do Kevin Spacey and Santa Claus have in common? They both like to empty their sacks for young boys.
(I know it's an old MJ joke)

Score: 5

Why did Kevin Spacey go to Mars? To molest more young boys

Score: 7

What do Michael Bay and a priest offer a young boy? Hollywood and Holy wood respectively.

Score: 4

When she was young, people laughed at Amy Schumer when she said she wanted to be a comedian. Guess what, no one is laughing now.

Score: 6

My uncle just updated his profile to "I love my girlfriend <3" I knew he liked them young but that's just straight-up ridiculous

Score: 5

Advice for young women: Men are like linoleum flooring. If you lay it correctly the first time, you can walk all over them for 30 + years.

Score: 8

When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life Pretty accurate prediction!! I moved from S to M to L to XL to XXL

Score: 10

Why was the young priest frustrated after spending the night in a convent? He didn't get nun.

Score: 5

What do you call a young eigensheep? A lamb, duh!

Score: 4

A young engineer has just started his own business in Afghanistan he's making landmines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

Score: 21

If a young lady fell into a well why couldn't her brother help her out? Because how could he be a brother and assist her too?

Score: 21

When i was young, they taught me that mistakes are a part of life Now I have learned to love my ~~problems~~ children

Score: 7

My friend told me he felt sad because he didn't know the lyrics to "YMCA". I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down".

Score: 38

I realized I was getting older when I saw a young lady walking down the street and thought to myself. I wonder what HER mom looks like....

Score: 11

A young was boy learning to count and said the wrong number He didn't mean two

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A doctor is examining a young female patient... "Big breaths!" he tells her.

"Yeth!" she says, "And I'm thtill only thixteen!"

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Our young son has been crying a lot at night, so my wife asked me to go out and get a baby monitor for him… But he seems even more freaked out now with the big lizard crawling all over him…

Score: 33

A physicist see a young man about to jump off a building He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Score: 13

Driving home earlier I saw a young couple weaving all over the street. I told them 'Go get a loom'

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When I was really young my mom would try to beat me with a hanger. Then I was born.

Score: 9

It's funny how you change over time... When I was young I hated spankings

Score: 21

Why did the young railroad engineer fall on the tracks? He was undertrained

Score: 13

A young child asks his father, "Daddy, what are clouds made of?" "Mostly Linux servers."

Score: 45

Respect the dead A young man went to a funeral. While being there he noticed that the church had a wireless network.

Hey, what is the wifi password?

A sad relative said:

Respect the dead!

And the boy asked:

All in lowercase?

Score: 12

I was way more nostalgic when I was young. Man, I miss those days.

Score: 4

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome... ... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

Score: 21

As a young boy I always wanted to join a violent gang Just got accepted into police training, who says dreams don't come true.

Score: 34

My friend told me, "I don't support euthanasia." I replied, "You should be ashamed of yourself! The young people in Asia deserve as much support as the young people on any other continent."

Score: 8

If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of Ho Malone It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.

Score: 6

What's the difference between a young christian boy and most grocery store milks? One is pasteurized, the others pastorized.

Score: 5

When I was young I told my dad I wanted to be an astronaut... He said, " The sky's the limit."

Score: 6

Why are so many hotwheels based after Ford models? So kids get used to pushing them at a young age.

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what do you call a young woman dating an older rich man? Investment

Score: 4

A young boy asked his mother, "Mom, when was the last time you and dad make a love?"
Mom answered,
"I don't know honey, how old is your older brother?"

Score: 5

I just found out my mom had an affair. The worst part is I found out in the most blunt way possible. I was playing Call of Duty when I was informed by another player that he had carnal relations with my mother. The worst part is he sounded so young.

Score: 4

Son asks for money A young jewish son asks his dad for $5 dollars.

The dad responds shocked, "$4 dollars? What do you need $3 dollars for?"

Score: 13

My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange. There was a young man who had nothing,

Until one day he happened upon an orange.

That rhymes?

Score: 14

Sometimes I do things to children that they're too young to understand... ...such as teaching them calculus and microbiology.

Score: 5

Dad, why is my cousin called Porsche? Dad: Because her father likes Porsche cars.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: You're welcomed, young boy.

Score: 47

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out? I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Score: 10

A young muslim couple go out hunting and shoot a monkey The woman asks, "Shall we eat him?"

The man replies, "No, that's haram, bae!"

Score: 28

When I was young my dad told me "Anything easy in life isn't worth doing".. That's why I only drink Hard liquor.

Score: 3

I was only young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then.

Score: 3

Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily? It was a no buena

My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!

Score: 16

When I was young I was so poor I had to jerk off the dog to feed the cat

Score: 3

A man is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: “Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

Score: 3

A guy is walking with a young boy into the woods... Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared”
Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

Score: 7

What did the one melon say to the other melon? We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe.

Score: 17

My grandma has ingrained this silly joke since I was young: What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren't so fresh last night, we wouldn't be in this jam!

Score: 4

When I was young, my mom's sister used to bake me cakes with lots of icing and cream. She was a fond aunt.

Score: 14