Hilarious Airport Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Airport Jokes

Score: 13337

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

Score: 11232

I got arrested at the airport last week... Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.

Score: 6983

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

Score: 2416

Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.

Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Score: 2041

classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

Score: 961

Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags:

"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."

"Sir, you can't do that."

"Why not? It happened the last time."

Score: 926

A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."

Score: 829

I hate people who take drugs For example: airport security

Score: 499

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if it has any luggage.

The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Score: 444

I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.

Score: 371

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her, “So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“What, not even for coffee??”

Score: 289

Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?

Score: 265

Angela Merkel arrives at the Passport Control at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris. "Nationality ? " asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

Score: 240

Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.

Score: 228

Airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual ...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.

Score: 210

I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier... It could be a terminal illness.

Score: 160

So I recently went to Australia... I want to Australia for holiday.
I was at the airport and one of security people asks me: "Do you have a criminal record?"
I responded: "Oh. I didn't realise that was still a requirement."

Score: 154

I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?" Apparently, "What do you need?" wasn't the right answer.

Score: 152

Putin lands at Helsinki airport... ...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

Score: 150

Chancellor Angela Merkel visits Athens. Angela Merkel arrives at the Athens airport & stops by the immigration check.

"Nationality?" asks the Immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?" he asks.

"No, just visiting for a few days."

Score: 146

A man waved at me, so I waved him back but apparently he was waving at a woman behind me, so I kept my hand up and stopped a taxi that took me to the airport. I am now in Ireland starting a new life

Score: 133

Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs. Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Score: 125

Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii? "Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport

Score: 116

I got arrested at the airport last week. Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.

Score: 112

An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

Score: 105

I hate people who take drugs and alcohol Really wanted to punch that guy at airport security :/

Score: 104

A photon is going through airport security... The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.

The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Score: 96

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"

I replied "No, only guns."

Score: 93

A German tourist in France. A German tourist arrives at a French airport.
Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?"
The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

Score: 91

I was going from London to Australia for a holiday... I was passing the security check at the airport and the man working there asked

"Sir, do you have a criminal record?"

"No, sorry. I didn't know it was still a requirement."

Score: 71

On my way for the latest Porsche presentation.. the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.

Score: 68

A German arrives at Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris Customs officer: “Occupation?”

German: “Nein, just visiting.”

Score: 50

I fell sick in an airport.... ....it was a terminal illness.

Score: 49

Why did the Asian pilot get arrested at the airport? TSA thought he said he was going to "pirate" the plane.

Score: 46

A man lost his luggage in an airport , so he sued the airport... Needless to say, he lost the case.

Score: 38

So a man is at an airport. He approaches the Customs officer, passport in hand.

The customs officer looks it over and says, "So is this trip business or pleasure?"

The man sighs. "Neither. Im meeting my wife."

Score: 32

I was banned from the airport last week. Apparently the security doesn't like it when you say Shotgun while boarding the plane.

Score: 16

I was banned from the airport last week Apparently security doesnt like it when you call Shotgun while boarding the plane.

Score: 14

"Hey Dad, I'm going to the airport. Call me a taxi.' Dad : "Hi taxi"

Score: 12

New Airport Jokes

My husband and I are taking my mother-in-law to the airport tomorrow and just leaving her there It’s senior ditch day.

Score: 1

Did you hear about American Airlines’ new deal? They’ll fly you straight from the airport to your office.

Score: 1

Two Dutch people are in an airport. One says to the other: ‘May I you help?’

The other says: ‘Yet but’

(This is a Dutch joke, so apologies if you don’t get it)

Score: 1

Why did airport security seize the 3-year-old? Because he said he needed to go boom boom.

Score: 1

I made small talk with a woman at the airport... "I work in the circus actually," she says.

"No kidding? What's that like?" I asked.

"Oh, it's in tents." she replied.

Score: 1

My friend was arrested at the airport for saying hi to me... My name is jack.

Score: 2

I said hello to a pretty girl which I thought was waiving at me But it happens that it was to someone behind me.
To avoid the embarrassment I kept my hand up and a taxi stopped. So I went to the airport and now I am in Finland, starting a new life.

Score: 2

Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at a New York airport... ...they couldn't let contraband trough customs.

Score: 2

Did you hear, they are changing the name of the airport in Los Angeles? I guess now it will be ex-lax.

Score: 1

I got in trouble at an airport for reporting an unsupervised foreign object... Apparently, they're not talking about Spanish children that can't find their parents.

Score: 2

A photon checks in at the airport for his flight. The ticket attendant asks him if he has any baggage to check, and the photon says, "No..." "....I'm travelling light!"

Score: 3

A german stands in the passcontrol in an airport in Paris Passport officer: Occupation?

German: No, no, only vacation.

Score: 11

My girlfriend is the bomb... So don't be at the airport tomorrow. It might get explosive.

Score: 2

Skycap, at the airport: Carry your bag, sir? "No thanks, she can walk."

My Dad's favorite joke, and my Mom's least favorite. They'd have been married 54 years today.

Score: 2

Why hasn't Trump deported all the Muslims yet? Cause he can't get them through airport security.

Score: 5

I was detained at airport security, because the metal detector caught my braces... I guess you could say I was armed to the teeth.

Score: 1

I wish teleportation was possible.. I would never get late to the airport and lose my flight again...

Score: 11

What kind of restaurant is most common in the airport in Houston? Asian takeout

Score: 1

A blonde calls airport. "How long does it take to fly to London?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the blonde and hangs up.

Score: 1

A vulture is at the airport... He has an antelope carcass draped over his shoulder, at the check in kiosk the attendant asks if he will need to check in the antelope, to which the vulture replies, "No, it's carrion".

Score: 7

I sued the airport for misplacing my luggage They lost the case

Score: 6

Bugs Bunny at the airport "Eh, what's up Doc?"

Score: 5

What's good about airport security? Free prostate exam from an unlicensed physician......

Score: 3

What's the difference between a Muslim and a Terrorist? I don't know, I just work as airport security.

Score: 5

TIL there is an airport in Paris named after a former French President • ORLY?

- No Charles De Gaulle

Score: 3

My friend Jack flew in at the airport. Greeted him but then I was arrested. Apparently you're not allowed to say hijack at an airport.

Score: 2

Dropped my girlfriend off at the airport on Sunday I'll pick her up when she calms down

Score: 2

A photon arrives at the airport As he checks in, security asks him: "Do you not have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light".

Score: 9

What happened when the communists took over the airport? The planes kept Stalin.

Score: 3

A Russian flies to Kiev He arrives at passport control in the airport and steps up to the window:

Officer: Name?

Russian guy: Andrey Ivanov

Officer: Place of Birth?

Russian guy: Moscow

Officer: Occupation?

Russian guy: nah, just visiting.

Score: 1

I live in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. My girlfriend is taking a flight from London to come see me. I have promised her that I'll go pick her up from the airport We'll both leave our respective houses at the same time :|

Score: 3

A necklace and a little plane on it. The man was staring at the little plane on the woman's necklace

The woman: Do you like the plane?

The man: No! I like the airport.

Score: 2

An Airport goes to the Dr... And the Dr says, "i have bad news. You have cancer."
The airport replies, "oh no, what kind?"
"Terminal."

Score: 4

This guy kept telling people Reagan National Airport was wayyy too loud... but the complaints fell on deaf ears.

Score: 1

Why would a dentist make a good airport security guard? They both enjoy a good cavity search!

Score: 3

There's a sign at the airport in Pristina Welcome to Kosovo
Your car is already here

Score: 1