Hilarious Breath Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Breath Jokes

When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would've survived in that situation... almost died during Finding Nemo.

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Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler So that the neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Also, so that I can still take her breath away, after all these years...

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What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath? Men toes.

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The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was originally intended to be for Wii U But mid-way through development they made the switch.

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I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.

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I've got a pretty long Police record.... It's a full 44 minutes long and contains "Every Breath You Take"

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When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation... Almost died in Finding Nemo

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Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath. That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breath through something so small?"

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A girl is at the doctor. The doctor is about to use the stethoscope and says "Big Breath" The girls says "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"

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People hate the police so much these days... ...that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."

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My ex broke up with me My ex broke up with me because I , apparently , was too immature ...
I took a deep breath and calmed down.
Then I went to her house , rang the doorbell and ran away.

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What do cannibals use to freshen their breath? Men toes

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I like to hold my breath whenever a character goes underwater in a movie. That way I know if I'd survive if I were that character. I was rushed to the E.R after Finding Nemo

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What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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My girlfriend broke up with me She thinks that I'm childish. So, I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the doorbell and then ran away.

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Me to My Neighbour we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.

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Julie Andrews has officially stated That she will no longer endorse cheap lipstick, due to it crumbling easily and making her breath smell. She explained,

“ The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”

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How does a scientist freshen his breath ? He uses Experi-mints

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What did the Elephant say to the naked man? How do you breath through something that small?

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?.. How can you breath through that thing.

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What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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The MI5 are watching every move I make and breath I take... It seems it's a sting operation

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My friend says his new girlfriend takes his breath away ..but that's because she is inflatable

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Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away.

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When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would've survived in that situation. I almost died during finding nemo

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I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee: Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

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My girlfriend takes my breath away. She’s inflatable.

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I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.

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I almost drowned yesterday. It was a breath-taking experience.

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A blind man was taking a stroll And on his walk he passed by a fish market. As we he was walking by, he took a deep breath and said "Well hello, ladies!"

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What do you get when you turn a blonde girl upside down? A brunette with bad breath

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My Girlfriend thinks that I am childish My Girlfriend broke up with me.

She thinks that I am childish.

So I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away.

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I’ve always tried to hold my breath when a character is under water, to see if I could survive the situation Finding Nemo was a tough one

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My girl broke up with me, thinks I am childish. So, I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the doorbell and ran away..HA!

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What you get when you turn a blonde woman upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

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Whenever I see an underwater scene in a movie, I hold my breath Almost died in Finding Nemo

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My gf broke up with me. She thinks that I am childish... So, I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away.

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New Breath Jokes

Sure it's harder to breath with a mask on, but you definitely can't diaphragm it.

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A girl approaches her father, takes a deep breath and says "Dad, I'm dating a black guy." Her dad responds, "So what is he, then? Is he a Panasonic, a Sony, maybe even a Toshiba or a Kenwood, perhaps?"

The girl replies, "No, Dad - you're just stereotyping!"

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Give me a chance and i will take your breath away Covid - 19

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What does Coronavirus and Cops have in common? They both take your breath away.

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I was caught drunk driving when I saw the stunning police officer. It was a breath-taking experience.

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I think I have fallen for Corona Virus It took my breath away.

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Did you know that you can't breath through your nose when smiling? Of course you can! I just wanted to make you smile!



Not sure if this is fit for this sub. mods can remove this if they want to.

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How do you describe a person's breath that smells like metal coins? Minted fresh

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I like to play a game when I watch horror movies. I try to hold my breath whenever a character goes underwater, to see if I could survive that situation. I passed out while watching Finding Nemo.

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What is the moral of Every Breath You Take? If you're being stalked your first move shouldn't always be to call the police.

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What do you call a lifeguard without a breath? Dead

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What's the first thing Darth Vader does when he takes his helmet off? Taking a breath.

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My girlfriend just left me because I have bad breath Now I also have abandon mint issues.

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Why are midgets so bad at running marathons? Because they’re short of breath.

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My Girlfriend broke up with me because she thinks that I am childish. So I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away.

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A man is talking with his pet fish, The fish tells the man that the word "gullible" is on the ceiling, the man looks and sees nothing on the ceiling.

The fish mutters under it's breath, "Heh, gillable."

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Even if your life is hard, don’t sigh... You breath smells bad.

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Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.

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Do you take karate? Because your breath is kickin’!

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What do Breath of the Wild and an art store going out of business have in common? The frame rates drop.

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How does a zombie freshen their breath? They eat a ligament.

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DAD:Always date an asthmatic... SON: Why dad?
DAD: You'll always take her breath away.

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Sometimes whenever I watch an underwater scene in a movie I try to hold my breath as long as the characters do to see if I'd survive in that situation. I almost died watching Finding Nemo.

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Do you take karate? Because your breath is kickin'

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Why do cows have bad breath? Because they breathe dairy-air.

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You know what's worse than bad breath? Heroin addiction.

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A Jewish father is dying... He calls upon his son. "My son" - he says - "I'm soon to take my last breath. I know you always liked my gold watch. I think now, is the right time that I could sell it to you".

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I don't get what the big deal is about having ASMR Not being able to breath properly isn't very nice and anyway, you don't spell it like that.

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What is the best thing about being a necrophiliac? Your girlfriend never has morning breath.

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What do you get if you put a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath

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A beautiful woman tried to strangle me today. She really took my breath away.

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I saw this guy today muttering "1,3,5,7,9..." under his breath. I thought he was odd.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath stupid

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What do you call a blonde who does a handstand? A brunette with bad breath.

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I had a job interview for a lifeguard position and they asked me what my biggest strength was. So I took a deep breath... Held it for four minutes and they gave me the job.

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I had to break up with a girl once because of her breath. They were lopthided.

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I knew she was the one the moment she said those three words that took my breath away... "THAT'S GONNA SMELL!"

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How do Zombies get rid of Bad Breath? They Munch on some Flesh Mint!

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What's the difference between my wife and a balloon? The balloon still takes my breath away.

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I found a new recipe that's fat free, gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, preservative-free and is non-GMO. It's a real breath of fresh air.

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What does a runner lose after winning a race? His breath.

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Mary Poppins retired to the West Coast of the US to become a fortune teller, rather than reading people's palms she would see the future by smelling their breath. She became a Super California Mystic Expert of Halitosis.

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Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere he went, and his constant fasting caused him to become frail, develop bad breath and experience vivid hallucinations. You could say he was a super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed with halitosis.

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A joke I thought of while showering. (showerjokes?) Underage drinking is a crime punishable by breath.
haha get it?

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