Hilarious Burn Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Burn Jokes

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn" Stupid firemen

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My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them... I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

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My psychologist told me: "Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."

I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...

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My therapist said I should identify the people in my life that have hurt me, write letters to them explaining what they did and then burn them. I feel so much better but I don't know what to do with all these letters.

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I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

Edit: thanks for the gold! It's my first!

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I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be “saved” or else you’ll “burn” Stupid firemen

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What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it? Au-burn

^He^^He^^^He^^^^He

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The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate... That would explain the doughnuts...

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My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......" My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

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My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it So I bought her a candle. That showed her.

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The Quran is like weed If you burn it you get stoned.

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What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran? If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

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I can't stand those stupid people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn". Stupid firemen.

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Why did the match factory burn down? Because the workers went on strike

I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn" Stupid firemen.

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I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"... Stupid firefighters.

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Why did the hipster burn his mouth while drinking coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool

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How did the hipster burn his fingertips? He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool.

[rimshot]

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What does the Quran have in common with weed? Burn it and you get stoned

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My friend told me, “ You have a B.A., a Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.” It was a third degree burn.

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn".. Stupid firemen.

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My friend said, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot!” It was a third degree burn.

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If coal is so bad for the environment... why don't we just burn it all?

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The Quran is like weed You burn it and you get stoned

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My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"... Stupid Firemen.

[x-post /r/Christianity]

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My Girlfriend told me that if I bought her any more stupid gifts, she would burn it! So I bought her a candle!

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How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

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I hate those people who knock on your door... And tell you that you need to be saved or you'll burn...

Stupid firemen.

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My love for you is like a candle. If you ignore me I will burn your house down.

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My therapist told me, "Write letters to the people you hate, and then burn them." Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

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Why did the hipster burn his lip when sipping coffee? He drank it before it was cool.

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Anger Management As part of my anger management counseling my therapist said I should "Write letters to the people you hate and then burn them."

So I did, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

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My Muslim co-worker brought a CD copy of the Quran into work today… He got really annoyed when I asked if I could burn a copy.

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Why did the blonde burn to death? She couldn't find the snooze button on the smoke alarm.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his food before it was cool.

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Why did the coffee burn the hipster? Because he drank it before it was cool.

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Why did the hipster burn his lip on his coffee? He drank it before it was cool.

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Weed is like a Koran You burn it until you get stoned

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New Burn Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his lips at Starbucks coffee? He wanted to drink it before it gets cool.

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Why did the hipster burn his throat while drinking coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool.

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I was going to make a joke about the Ukrainian 737. But it would probably crash and burn.

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How do you burn calories very quickly? Light a fat kid on fire.

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I dont make jokes about 9/11 They all tend to crash and burn

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Why did the Englishman and the Aussie want to burn the other? They wanted The Ashes.

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What happens when you throw a potato in British fire? They burn into a crisp.



A.N: You have probably heard this before. I swear I am not copying anybody.

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Why should you never insult a burn victim? 











These guys stick together.

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A new study proves crossfit burns more calories than any other exercise. They burn 400 calories a day just by bringing it up in every single conversation for 10 minutes.

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Thought I'd burn some calories today So I set a fat kid on fire

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Have you heard about this guy in Washington DC Gyms hate his one trick to burn fat.

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Don't ever burn your bridges when you are leaving a job. Especially if you are a bridge builder. That's like super illegal.

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Why didn't an astranged dad see his comedian child often? He was afraid of a son-burn

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A doctor walks up to his girlfriend... He says, “We’re breaking up!” He then proceeds to insult her.

“Why are you being so rude?” She asks, hurt.

“In medicine, you always burn a wound to make sure it never opens again,” He replies.

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How do you give a red head a sun burn? Very gingerly.

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What did the heart say after witnessing someone receive a massive burn? Ba dum tss.

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How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.

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What happens when a crematory and a tanning salon share a building? A fifth degree burn

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A tobacco shop burned down last week. It was a slow burn. A little earthy, but nice overall.

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How do you burn a bucket of water? Tell it that it would be cooler if it were a bucket of ice.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he sipped his coffee before it was cool

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Today is the 1st day of the Hungry Ghosts Festival, but it rained all day so they weren't able to burn joss papers Needless to say, the ancestors were rather incensed.

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What does weed and the Quran have in common? If you burn either one, you'll get stoned.

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What does the Quran and weed have in common? You burn them and you get stoned.

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Jaime Lannister must have been a Targaryen... ...to survive that burn from Olenna

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My son and I were talking last night He said, "Dad, i have to use stay out of the sun so I don't get a sun burn."
I simply replied, "No, no, no. You get son burns from dad jokes."

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Why did the match factory burn down? Because the workers went on strike.

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My therapist told me "Write letters to people you hate, then burn them." Did that, but now what do I do with the letters?

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Why did the hipster burn his mouth in the coffee? He took a sip before it was cool

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Why did the hipster burn its tongue? He drank the coffee before it was cool.

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Hipster always burn their mouth by eating things before they are cool

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Did you hear about the guy who has an affinity for burn victims? I guess you could say he's into carbon dating

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Why did the coffee burn the hipster? Because it was hot.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his pizza before it was cool

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Earth only has a 1 star rating. Any more than that, and everything would burn up.

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It's ok to eat a lot at family parties You burn half of those calories anyway trying not to punch someone in the face

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Why did the hipster burn her tongue? Because she drank her coffee before it was cool!

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Why do light bulbs burn out with frequency? Because it hertz.

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Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he drank it way before it was cool

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee He drank it before it was cool

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If you set a forest on fire It wood burn

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Why did the mad scientist deliberately create a huge fire tornado? Some people just want to watch the whirled burn.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool

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Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool 😎

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank coffee before it was cool

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I'm strictly against cigarettes. So I burn them.

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How do to an indian burn My curry is better than yours.

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Growing up, my dad hated cigarettes so much, He would burn them every time he saw one.

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What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common? They all "Feel The Burn!"

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Decided to burn a lot of calories today so I'm thinking of setting a fat kid on fire.

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Last night my friend Gavin overdosed on heart burn medicine...... I can't believe Gaviscon.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He took a sip of his coffee before it was cool.

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What happens if you burn down a skyscraper? You may have Dubai them a new one.

*bah dum tiss*

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How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.

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Why'd the hipster burn his tongue while drinking his coffee? He drank it before it was cool.

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