Hilarious Cemetery Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cemetery Jokes

Unfortunately my dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday He buried someone in the wrong hole.

It was a grave mistake.

Score: 2238

At my new job I have 500 people under me. I mow grass at a cemetery.

Score: 1281

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those spas where the little fish eat your dead skin It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery

Score: 943

I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

Score: 636

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?" I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."

Score: 476

Score: 434

At my job, I have 500 people under me. I'm a security guard at a cemetery.

Score: 434

Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 145

Our local cemetery is running out of spaces ... ...It’s a grave issue

Score: 139

When they buried the man who invented Tetris ...the whole cemetery disappeared.

Score: 100

What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place? I've made a grave mistake.

Score: 76

When I was younger, my parents used to make me go stay with my grandparents at the weekend And it was so cold in that cemetery!

Score: 70

Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery? So far they've recovered 324 bodies.

Score: 49

A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery ...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"

The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"

Score: 46

Honey I'm not allowed back at work anymore... Wife: why?

Man: I got fired for sleeping with the boss' wife.

Wife: Are you joking? His wife has been dead for 17 years.

Man: I'm also not allowed back at the cemetery.

Score: 43

The other day I took my grandad to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having him buried in the cemetery.

Score: 39

I thought about opening up a cemetery... but it seems like it would be a large undertaking.

Score: 38

A two person plane crashes into a cemetery. Police have released a statement saying that its the worse tragedy they have seen in years. So far they have found over 600 dead with fears of the number increasing as digging continues in the morning.

Score: 34

I saw six men carrying a coffin in the cemetery. Two hours later they were still carrying the coffin around the cemetery I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"

Score: 34

Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.

Score: 33

Driving past a cemetery: dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"

me: "really? why not?"

dad: "because they're not dead yet."

Score: 33

My ex sent me a text saying, "I wish you were here". I replied, "Where are you?"

She said, "At the cemetery."

Score: 29

Got my mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas once, and the next year didn't buy her anything. When she asked me why I didn't buy a gift for her I said..... ... because you still haven't used the one I got you last year.

Score: 28

I took my grandma to a new spa.. I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 27

My dad finally got a job, and he has over a 1,000 people under him. He’s cleaning headstones at the cemetery.

Score: 27

A man in a cemetery sees a couple laughing over the tomb of a famous boxer A bit taken back by the inappropriateness, the man approaches the couple who point to the boxer's epitaph:

"You can stop counting, I'm not getting up"

Score: 25

Why are there usually fences around a cemetery? Because everyone’s just dying to get in!

Score: 23

When the inventor of Tetris, Alexey Pajitnov, died, his coffin was put into the ground. Then the entire cemetery disappeared.

Score: 23

Why are there walls/fences around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.

Score: 22

A man is walking through a cemetery when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."

"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!"

Score: 22

As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.

Score: 17

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

Score: 15

I was chatting up this woman. I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."

"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"

I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."

Score: 12

What if dinosaur bones were only found on Earth... Because aliens used this planet as a pet cemetery?

Score: 10

Driving past a cemetery "Do you know how many people in there are dead?"

"No"

"All of 'em"

Score: 7

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery 300 dead bodies recovered so far

Score: 6

What's the difference between a cemetery and a golf course? There's only 18 holes in a golf course.

I thought of this but maybe it's already a thing.
Edit: spelling
Edit: more spelling

Score: 6

There's a brand new cemetery in town Everybody is dying to get in

Score: 4

Starting in 2020, whenever a famous comedian dies Jerry Seinfeld is going to go to their funeral and pretend to interview them on the way to the cemetery for his new TV show... *Comedians* *in Coffins Being Carried*

Score: 4

Why is there a wall around a cemetery? Because people are DYING to get in.

Score: 4

New Cemetery Jokes

I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam. I mean, it was a dead giveaway.

Score: 2

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice "do you know haw many people are buried in that cemetery?" I was like nooo? He rasped, "All of them!"

Score: 2

Did ya hear about the new fancy cemetery in town? People are just dying to get in!

Score: 1

What do you call a cemetery for poor people? Peasants under grass.

Score: 1

How many people lay dead in the worlds largest cemetery? All of them

Score: 2

I just passed what looked like a cemetery ...but it think it was really an underground club.

Score: 2

My father used to drive us by this cemetery in our hometown, and he always told us, “you know, no one who lives in our town is aloud to be buried here.” And when we would ask, “why not?” He’d reply, “because they’re still living!”

Score: 2

What's difference between a nun in Church and one in Cemetery late night? One is the nun, other is the bus driver.

^Ok, I'm sorry, I'm out.

Score: 2

Why did the ghoul take his ghoulfriend to the cemetery? He wanted to do a graveyard-smash!

edit:words

Score: 3

I was going to write a novel about an overcrowded cemetery. But there was no plot

Score: 3

What happened to the cemetery after the inventor of Tetris was buried? It disappeared

Score: 3

The local cemetery is running out of room. It's a grave problem.

Score: 2

Cemetery People are dying to get in there.

Score: 3

My cemetery is so popular... ...people are dying to get in there.

Score: 1

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 1

Cessna 172 crashes into Newfoundland cemetery. Rescuers have recovered hundreds of dead so far.

Score: 2

A plane crushed on top of a cemetery In the evening news:
So far they found 255 body... but they continue the digging.

Score: 3

Where is the best place to hide a dead body? A cemetery

Score: 1

The local cemetery has been really popular lately People are dying to get in.

Score: 2