Conductor Jokes

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert? He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus... The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.

Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”

Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.

How did the train conductor use the insanity defense when she was accused of murder? She claimed she had locomotives.

(I'm sorry.)

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.

If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit? The conductor.

What does a Muslim train conductor say before he starts his train? ALLAH BOARD!

There is a Hispanic train conductor going around committing horrible crimes.. No one knows why, but it's clear he has a loco motive.

Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted? Some blame it on the conductor.

At the train station... Lady: Excuse me Sir, is this my train?

Conductor: No Ma'am, it belongs to the Railway Station Company.

Lady: Don't be funny. What I'm trying to ask is if I can take this train to Busan.

Conductor: No Ma'am, it's too heavy.

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor wanted for murder? The authorities are saying he had loco motives.

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor arrested for murder? He had loco-motives

My music teacher got electrocuted yesterday Unfortunately he was a great conductor.

Tunnel Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.

Iron man should have joined the London philharmonic orchestra. He'd have made a good conductor.

A conductor asked me if I could help him drive a train... I said, "yeah of course, how hard could it be?" Then I saw how complicated the control panel was. It was then that I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could choo.

Why was the spanish conductor arrested? He had some loco motives

What's the key to becoming a good conductor ? Train

A train conductor was struck by lightning 15 times and miraculously survived It turns out he was a bad conductor

I met a man in prison who said he was a conductor... I found this especially true when I saw him on the electric chair

I was thinking of becoming a railway conductor... Then I thought of all the training.

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor who killed everyone? He had locomotives.

Why was the insane train conductor detained? Because he had loco motives.

Why can't Plastic Man lead an orchestra? Because he's a poor conductor

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor who jumped his train off the tracks? The police said he had a loco motive.

So the interviewer asked the applicant if he had any experience as a conductor. He responded, "Yeah, I've done some training"

Why didn't the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair? he was a bad conductor.

Two ladies fighting for a seat in a bus .. Two ladies fighting for a seat in a bus .. Bus conductor : The older one should sit here
Both looked at each other
And the seat remained empty :p

Bob was a great guitarist Until the day he stepped in a puddle while playing his Fender Strat, that was the moment he became a great conductor.

I took my orchestra onto a train one day The conductor was rubbish

Copper instruments make the symphony sounds so much better than brass. Copper is a much better conductor.

What was Ted Bundy's last job? Conductor

Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins? They strung him up, but he didn't fret.

*Cogwheel takes a bow*

Did you hear the one about the train conductor who pled not guilty by insanity? He had a real loco motive

A bus conductor was arrested as accused of murder. He was given electric shocks which had no effect on him He surely was a bad conductor

I had an on-again, off-again relationship with a classical conductor. It didn't work out though, we could never get the timing right.

My friend was a pretty good guitarist But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.

Just finished my classes on becoming a Train Conductor For the most part it's straight forward.

I got fired from my job as an orchestra conductor... ...for repeatedly looking out of the window.

I had to face the music.

my father wanted me to be a physicist so he tortured me with electric current And now I'm famous conductor

TIL that on Cybertron, Optimus Prime was originally in charge of a marching band. He was a semi-conductor.