Hilarious Conversation Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Conversation Jokes

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

Score: 17386

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

Score: 2480

Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation.. Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with

Roman 2: mmm?

Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many

Score: 2171

Score: 1961

My wife: You didn't hear a word I said, did you? Me: That's a weird way to start a conversation.

Score: 1712

My wife is weird... She begins every conversation with "Were you even listening to me?"

Score: 1542

A conversation with a genie Genie: What is your first wish?

Steve: I want to be rich.

Genie: Granted. Second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money.

Score: 1018

My wife is weird... She starts every conversation with "Are you listening to me?"

Score: 844

I had a tough conversation with my parents Dad: knock knock

Me: who's there?

Dad: water

Me: water who?

Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.

Score: 822

My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening were you"... I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation

Score: 759

My girlfriend screamed at me today. "You weren't even listening to me just now, were you?" I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Score: 576

At a First Date Conversation At a first date:

He: “I work with animals every day!”

She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”

He: “I’m a butcher.”

Score: 411

My wife just screamed at me, “You haven’t been listening to a single word I’ve said!” What a weird way to start a conversation

Score: 392

Just had the following conversation in court Judge: State your name.

Me: Not Guilty

Judge: What?

Me: I had it legally changed.

Judge: You’re Not Guilty?

Me: Thanks, I’m outta here

Score: 350

I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day. We just... I don't know. We just clicked.

Score: 286

My girlfriend shouted at me, “ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!” Which I, personally, thought was a very weird and rude way to start a conversation!

Score: 260

My wife was like: "Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?" And I was like... that's a strange way to start a conversation.

Score: 253

A couple was having a conversation, when... ...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

Score: 252

My wife screamed at me: “You really haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said to you, have you?” What a weird way to start a conversation!

Score: 232

A conversation between my mother and my wife. Wife: Hi mom, I am so happy to see you. How long will you be staying?
Mother-in-Law: As long as you want me to...
Wife: What! you wont even stay for coffee?

Score: 229

Wife has strange ways of starting a conversation.. ... out of nowhere she'll ask me: are you even listening at all?

Score: 206

"You haven't listened to a word I've said." Strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.

Score: 205

"Mom, i'm in the hospital." "Jeremy, you have been a doctor for 8 years now please stop starting every phone conversation with that."

Score: 197

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me.

Score: 153

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

Score: 142

Two romans are having a conversation. The one asks: "How many women do you think I have laid with?"

"Mmm..."

"No, not that many."

Score: 134

Two blondes are having a conversation... Do you know that the black box of an airplane is actually orange!

The other respond:

OMG! So, it's not a box?!?

Score: 122

What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection? I can maintain polite conversation.

Score: 121

My wife is so weird She starts every conversation with *"were you even listening to me? "*

Score: 113

My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?" Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

Score: 113

My girlfriend just yelled at me saying, "You weren't even listening, were you?" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

Score: 80

The Pirates' conversation… Pirate: The cannons be ready, Captain…

Captain: ARE!!!

Score: 52

My wife yelled at me today, saying, "You were not even listening now, were you!?" What a weird way of starting a conversation!!

Score: 50

John and Bill are having a conversation. John says I've got a joke.

Bill replies ok what is it.

John: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Bill: Nacho cheese.

John: Aww, how did you know?

Bill: Because it's Nacho joke.

Score: 42

My wife berated me last night about my conversational skills... "Have you even listened to anything I said??" is a very odd start to a conversation.

Score: 34

As a married man, I always get the last word in a conversation or argument with my wife. Those words are usually, "Yes dear."

Score: 16

Girl: You weren't even listening just now were you?! Guy Thinking: "Hmm, that's a weird way to start a conversation."

Score: 16

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening to me just now, were you!?" I thought, "Wow, what a weird way to start a conversation."

Score: 15

Two men from Texas are having a conversation... The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."

Score: 14

I just had a conversation with a dolphin. We just clicked.

Score: 13

New Conversation Jokes

A conversation between a man and a car salesman Customer: Cargo space?

Car Salesman: No, car no do that. Car no fly.

Score: 0

I once imagined how a conversation between George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson and me would go. Then I remember I'm brown.

Score: 1

I once met someone who refused to talk to people unless the conversation was about fashion. He was very clothes minded.

Score: 4

Man: *walks into a lazy-boy recliner outlet with a valid certificate for “any single chair the possessor desires in exchange for one, ‘sit-down’ conversation[,]” and politely shows the manager.* Manager: “take a seat...”

Score: 0

A good conversation is like a space agency I always wanted to start one

Score: 0

A short fragment of a telephone conversation with psychic "Hello? Have I reached Marty the Psychic?"

"Yes"

"Hello Marty, my name is David"

"I know"

Score: 0

Mars and NASA we’re having a conversation Mars: Come here

NASA: No way, you’re 33.9 million miles away

Mars: Guess what? I’m wet!

NASA: Stay put. We’ll be right over

Score: 3

What's the hardest part of having a "it's not working" conversation with your japanese girlfriend? You need to drop the bomb twice

Score: 3

You know I was called I perv once, that was probably the weirdest conversation I've ever had in toilet cubical.

Score: 1

2 spanish men were having a conversation in China. First guy : "¿Te gusta Winnie the pooh?"
Second guy: "Sí."

They were never seen since.

Score: 1

A new study proves crossfit burns more calories than any other exercise. They burn 400 calories a day just by bringing it up in every single conversation for 10 minutes.

Score: 3

Two Jamaican tour bus drivers were having a conversation The one said to the other, I heard you had a busload of Christians today. What do they believe.
The driver answered, "Anything I tell them".

My uncle told this one

Score: 1

A conversation between 2 zebras "Should we cross the road"
The second zebra, "No look what happened to the previous zebra

Score: 2

Some X-Box friends were having a conversation... Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Score: 3

i almost cracked an incest joke that fits perfectly into our conversation nevermind i just realized it's actually unrelated

Score: 7

When I meet someone new I always try to start a conversation about the Titanic Yes, I know. It's a terrible ice breaker.

Score: 3

I was at the park watching two Native Americans smoke ciggaretts for a few hours together. That was one long conversation.

Score: 0

I always try to make jokes while talking to people but it always just results in a lol in the conversation.

Score: 2

The real reason some women don’t like guys under 6 feet Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.

Score: 6

If you don't like the police....maybe you're the problem. - A confusing conversation between Sting's biggest fan and the neighborhood pot dealer.

Score: 1

Nagging wife The wife said, "You haven't listened to a fecking word I've said, have you?"
I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation with me.

Score: 1

I finally got to have a conversation with an Italian chef It was about thyme.

Score: 5

My boss always complained about getting into conversations I told him that the best way to end a conversation was to never start one.

He hasn't talked to me since that day.

Score: 6

I visited a coffee shop where the password was "wedonthavewifi". It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.

Score: 7

I was having a conversation with my dad about Blade Runner “Have you seen the new Blade Runner movie yet? I was gonna get tickets this weekend”

“Yeah I’ve already seen it”

“What is it about”

“About two hours”

Score: 2

An Omegle conversation Me: My dad died on this day in 2001, he called me to say 2 words before dying.
Stranger: Ohh, that's so sweet! What were his words?
Me: Allahu Akbar

Score: 3

I was having a wonderful conversation with a woman... Until I asked her if she liked BBC. I was referring to British television, but apparently she wasn't and stormed out.

Score: 1

My daughter told me this one today during our conversation of wether or not we should brick the entire house. She wanted me to share it. Daughter: which brick is the cheapest brick?
Dad: I'm not sure, which?
Daughter: the broken one

Score: 2

Lawyer : She had 3 children, yes? Witness : Yes
Lawyer : How many were boys?
Witness : None
Lawyer : Were there girls?

*This was a real conversation in court*

Score: 10

An attractive woman waits for the stranger next to her to strike a conversation. She grows impatient and says, "Helloooo, I'm getting old here."

The man replies, "I know. That's why I'm keeping my distance."

Score: 3

I tried to have a conversation with my dog It was ruff.

Score: 3

My wife yelled at me today "You weren't even listening to me just now!" I thought "what a weird way to start a new conversation..."

Score: 8

How do you know if someone is a vegan? Just wait a few moments and they will drop this important fact into conversation regardless of the topic.

Score: 2

A mother and her child are having a conversation... "Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" The mom asks.

"My name is Paul." Says the child.

Score: 4

Two Devils Two devils are having a conversation about themselves. Over time, it erupts into an argument.

Devil 1: You're a wimp!

Devil 2: Well if you think I'm a wimp, then darn you... Darn you to HECK!

Score: 2

Bob and Bill are having a conversation Bill: We've just created a revolutionary way to advertise and sell nearly anything! But we still need a name for it...

Bob: How about the "Bob-board?"

Bill: Actually... I've got a better idea.

Score: 2

Mother and son conversation... Mom: "Peter. Am I a bad mother?"

Son: "My name is Paul"

Score: 4

I would like to have an argumentative conversation about the gravitational effect of matter in the universe with you. In other words I would like to mass debate with you.

Score: 2

Two employees are having a conversation about quality control Employee 1: We need to stop testing our products on animals.

Employee 2: Why? Other shampoo companies do it all the time.

Employee 1: Cool. But we make hammers.

Score: 10

Why cant Kim Jeong Un get a date? He starts off every conversation with "Send Nukes".

Score: 1

Two Italians having a conversation... First one says: So i heard that you're good swimmer.
Second one replies: Yeah, i was a postman in Venice for 4 years.

Score: 2

I called the cops on two guys who were gonna start fighting anytime Turns out they were just having a conversation in Italian

Score: 5

We need to have a conversation about gun control. Alright, shoot.

Score: 7

A Conversation over Walkie-Talkies Her: This relationship is over!
Me: This relationship is what? Over.

Score: 11

I saw two women in a passionate conversation. "How on earth did *he* get between *them*?" I overheard one of them say.

I said, "I guess the 't' and 'm' made room."

Score: 4

My wife and I were supposed to have a conversation about my erectile disfunction. It never came up.

Score: 1

So Donald Trump wants Barack Obama and Bill Gates to talk about shutting down the internet. Shouldn't Al Gore be a part of that conversation?

Score: 2

How do you start a conversation about men's rights? Mention feminism.

Score: 2