Cough Jokes

Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.

I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?" I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

I rang work and I said "I can't come in today, I have a wee cough" The boss said "You have a wee cough?"

I said "Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!"

I phoned my work this morning... I phoned my work this morning and said, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."

He said, "You have a wee cough?"

I said, "Really? Cheers boss, see you next week

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker? They both take away the coffin.

I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID. Anyhow, I solved the problem.

I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.

The Week Off? Me: Sorry boss, i can't come in today, i have a wee cough
Boss: you have a wee cough?
Me:Really?! thanks boss, see you next week!

A Scotsman phoned his boss: Sorry boss I will not be in to work today, I have a wee cough, Boss replies you have a wee cough?: Scotsman says OK Boss but I was only going to take today off....

Why did Ms. Piggy cough? She had a little frog in her throat.

A Scottish guy phones in sick to work. Boss ask's what is wrong Jimmy? Jimmy replies I have a wee cough.

Boss says you have a wee cough? Jimmy says thank you Boss I was only going to take one day.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *Cough-Choke-Cough-Gag-Cough*

What does Cinderella say when she gets to the ball? *cough* *cough*

When my mother died all my father said was, "Cough, fatigue, fever." He's a man of flu words.

Doctor... "I see your cough is getting better" Patient ...." Yes, I've been practicing all night"

Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday? Because he had a wee cough

A Doctor says to his Patient... “Your cough sounds much better this morning”
“It should be,” says the patient. “I’ve been practising all night”

*Cough* I have a friend who died from one of those. It was under his neighbor's wife's bed.

The guy who invented the cough lozenge died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral.

Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?! Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare..

Did you hear the one about a pony with a cough? It was a little horse.

Why does the doctor make you turn your head and cough? So you don't cough on the doctor

Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot... ...but at least its a dry cough.

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant? The first couple of times you cough, the loogeys aren't yours!

My dying laptop's last wishes (Coughing) Marvin im dying and before I die (cough intensifies)
I want you to promise me something...you'll take my hard disk and put it in your next computer
I want my memory to live on

Petting Zoo A woman at a petting zoo bent down to pet a pony. She began to cough violently. A man came over to her an asked her to leave. She said,"What? It's no big deal! I'm just feeling a little hoarse!"

Why did the farmer give the pony a cough drop He was a little hoarse.

The English language is bizzare There was a young girl from Slough

Who choked on a piece of raw dough

But the time she was through

With hiccup and cough

She woke everyone in the borough

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant? The first cough is not your phlegm.

Why do cannibals cough so much when eating hands? They get a tickle in their throat

If you are not supposed to abuse cough syrup, Then why does it come with a plastic shot glass?

What is a Pot Heads favorite body part? 'ear *cough* 'ear

How you stop a break-in? With a warning cough at the top of the stairs.

Hear about the famous chain-smoking Dutch painter? Vincent Van Cough

What did the angry pharmacist say as he handed over some strepsils? "For cough"

Steve Bannon called in sick today "Sore throat? "Kellyanne Asked.

Bannon replied: "It's Mein Cough"

What do a doctor and a bad comedian have in common? They both make people turn their heads and cough.

Did you pick up a disease at the Vietnamese place? Because Pho Cough.