Hilarious Ear Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Ear Jokes

Told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.

Score: 10514

I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other!

Score: 10434

What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself? Your ear listening for foot steps.

Score: 6138

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.

Score: 1500

I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away

Score: 1289

Captain Kirk actually has 3 ears. The first is the left ear, the second is the right ear, and then there's the final frontier.

Score: 495

Score: 383

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

Score: 339

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? 3.

His left ear.

His right ear.

And the final frontier.

Score: 250

My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh. When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.

Score: 195

Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said “homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair”

Score: 175

My girlfriend has a tattoo of a conch shell on her inner thigh. When I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean.

Score: 173

My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh.

If you put your ear to it, I swear you could smell the ocean.

Score: 151

how many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three, the right ear, the left ear and the final frontier

Score: 146

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.

Score: 130

What did the ear say after it was hit with a high frequency? It Hz.

Score: 129

My Ex had a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh If you put your ear to it you could smell the ocean.

Score: 121

When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.

Score: 111

[In honor of Leonard Nimoy] How many ears does Spock have? Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

Score: 110

Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn't have an ear for music.

Score: 110

This will blow your mind! If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

Score: 106

I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?

Score: 105

My girlfriend has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

Score: 103

How many ears does Mr. Spock have? Three; a left ear, a right ear and the final front ear.

Score: 101

Astute Diagnosis A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

Score: 96

How much do pirates charge for piercings? A buck an ear.

Score: 92

What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!

Score: 91

How many ears does Spock have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

Score: 90

Did you know? If you put a hard hat up to your ear... ...you can hear the OSHA

Score: 88

What is it called when a dog has one ear that stands up and one that flops down? Earectile dysfunction

Score: 86

If you lose your hearing,... is it ear replaceable?

Score: 58

A buffalo hunter and a Native American guide One day when they were hunting the guide stopped, put his ear to the ground and listened, then said "Buffalo come"

The hunter asked "How can you tell"

The guide replied "Ear sticky"

Score: 48

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. His left ear, his right ear, and his final front-ear.

Score: 48

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck 'n ear

Score: 45

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a conch shell on her inner thigh... Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the ocean.

If I lie there long enough, I get crabs on my forehead.

Score: 40

A blonde gets a tattoo... ...On her inner thigh of a conch shell.

Friend: Why did you get a conch shell tattoo on your inner thigh?

Blonde: So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean.

Score: 36

Two Men Were Hunting Buffalo One put his ear to the ground

He lifted his head up and said "Buffalo come"

The other said "How do you know?"

He said "ear sticky"

Score: 30

An Indian and a cowboy were buffalo hunting together The Indian suddenly knelt down, pressed his ear against the ground and said "Buffalo come."

The cowboy was amazed by this and asked him "how do you know this?"

The Indian replied: "Sticky."

Score: 26

Do you know why Van Gogh got into painting Be cause he didn't have an ear for music.

Score: 22

Why did the deaf man put a watch on his ear? Because he wanted to hear all the time.

Score: 21

New Ear Jokes

How much does it cost to pierce a pirate’s ear? A buccaneer

Score: 3

Ever held an empty 40 to your ear? If you listen really carefully, you can hear the ghetto...

Score: 1

53 yo Mike Tyson says he’s in the best shape if his life and after a few practice matches will be ready to fight again. Evander Hollifield say “Hold my ear”

Score: 0

My antivax girlfriend layed on the bed and asked me to make her scream Then I whispered in her ear "When you were sleeping I vaccinated you"

Score: 0

How do you get more milk out of a cow that won't listen? You whisper to them, but it still goes in one ear and out the udder.

Score: 2

I watched a movie about a guy who cut off his ear My dad said it was scary but to me it was a bit eerie

Score: 1

I whispered in this random woman's ear and she told me her favourite Alfred Hitchcock film. "Psycho," she said.

Score: 2

How come no one cares about Dumbo? Because he is ear elephant

Score: 10

Just bought myself a new pair of headphones which have a weird fault. In the left ear it’s saying “chicken and mushroom” and in the other ear it keeps repeating “steak and onion.” That’ll be the last time I buy anything from Pioneer.

Score: 2

I've had water stuck in my ear for the past hour... Its very earritating

Score: 3

Did you hear about the corn farmer? He had a great harvest and was smiling from ear to ear.

Score: 7

Thought I lost my hearing but I actually just left my ear buds in It was a near deaf experience.

Score: 4

How can you tell when your gf is having a bad day? She has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette

Score: 2

What do you get after listening to Ear rape? Hearing AIDS!

Score: 2

Did you ear about the man with no left side? He was alright.

Score: 3

A girl goes to her guy friend and asks.. "Why do guys' ears perk up whenever we girl are around talking with each other?"

The boy replies, a bit confused, "Wait, girls call it ear?"

Score: 8

A guy turns to his buddy during an archaeological excavation and slides one headphone back off his ear... "Hey man, I really dig this album!"

Score: 2

John: Carl, why do you have a bandage on your ear? Carl: I was ironing my shirts and my phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the the phone and burned my ear.

John: I get that. But why do you have a bandage on the other ear?

Carl: Well, the phone rang again.

Score: 19

What did the ear of corn say when he lost his leaves? Schucks!

Score: 6

I've made a bard/rogue for DnD... His signature move is seducing the enemy with a dozen kisses, from shoulder to ear.

But apprently our party forbids neck-romancey

Score: 2

How would you greet someone who has had an ear transplant? Happy new Ear

Score: 2

I just skillfully removed a cup of wax from Kim Jong's left ear using a penknife. Madam Tussaud's have now banned me for life.

Score: 1

Before taking lessons, Elton John first learned how to play the piano by ear. I still think it was easier to use my fingers.

Score: 4

A friend complained that a guy had tried to whisper in her ear during a date. I said that I could whisper something that got most women really excited. She said "what?!"
I leaned in and whispered "75% off"

Score: 2

What is a Pot Heads favorite body part? 'ear *cough* 'ear

Score: 4

How does Dumbo fly? He just does. The mechanics of it are ear elephant.

Score: 10

My friend made a flute out of a carrot... It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.

My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.

Score: 7

A buffalo hunter hired a Native American guide One day while they were hunting the guide stopped, put his head to the ground and listened, then said "Buffalo Come".

The hunter asked "How can you tell?"

The guide replied, "Ear sticky".

Score: 9

You know what happens when you put a hard hat up to your ear? You hear the OSHA.

Score: 2

An 'Elephant's Ear' is a plant with big glossy leaves Oh, wait, this is /r/jokes, sorry.

I guess that's ear-elephant.

Score: 2

What do you call a bear with no ear? A b!!!!!

Score: 3

What do you call an angry ear? Earitated

Score: 3

How many ears does captain Kirk have? Three. left, right and a final front ear.

Score: 12

My left ear bud broke... But it's all right now.

Score: 1

A man narrowly escaped a head shot but it grazed his ear. He was between life and deaf.

Score: 6

If blind people wear sunglasses... Why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?

Score: 2

I used to love the sound of crunching into corn... but now I don't have an ear for it.

Score: 2

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

xD

Score: 3

A man walks into the hospital with a carrot up his nose... ...and a banana in his ear. He is clearly distraught and asks the doctor what's wrong with him.

"It's simple," the doctor says. "You're not eating right."

Score: 2

Mike Tyson had something to tell me... So I lent him an ear.

Score: 14

My mom and dad walked into a bar Then they dragged me out by my ear and confiscated my fake ID.

Score: 2

Kurt Cobain tried to learn a new instrument... He chose the shotgun, but it just went in one ear and out the other.

Score: 1

A hat for kirk My mum wanted to knit a hat for Captain Kirk of the USS enterprise, but it is quite tricky for someone who has three ears!

His left ear, his right ear and his final front-ear.

Score: 1

New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy. It's called "Ear Bud."

Score: 4

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night? She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.

Score: 10

I think I'm going to start selling pirate corn in my shop... I'm going to charge a buck an ear.

(Yes another attempt at an original joke)

Edit: Apparently it's not original. I should have googled it first. Man thinking up something no one else has is tough.

Score: 2

A woman brings a bull to the doctors. "Doctor! A witch stuck her finger in my husbands ear! Then smacked him on the rear! Then she sang a verse! And he turned into this bull! Can you help?"

"Sorry" the doc said. "I'm afraid it's ear rear verse a bull."

Score: 2

Why is a 2 year old scared to turn 3 years old? He is afraid to grow a third ear.

I know where the door is...

Score: 3

How to kill time. Hold your right ear with your lett hand and your nose with your right hand, then hold your left ear with your right hand and your nose with your left hand, and repeat and repeat.

Score: 2

My wife has a shell tattood on her upper thigh.. And if you lay your ear on top of it, you can smell the sea.

Score: 8

Last week somebody came in my ear now I have hearing AIDS.

Score: 2

How much did the pirate pay for corn? A buck an ear!

Score: 3

How many ears do Star Trek fans have? 3, Right Ear, Left Ear and The Final Front-Ear.

Score: 13

Why does the deaf guy have to plan everything out weeks in advance? He can't play anything by ear.

Score: 1

My girlfriend has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh When I put my ear up to it I can smell the ocean

Score: 10

A blonde gets a tattoo... On her inner thigh of a conch shell.

Her friend asks "Why a conch shell, and why there of all places?"

"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."

Score: 13

What do you hear if you hold a kebap to your ear? The silence of the lambs

Score: 11

My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate... Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"

Score: 6

One morning, a business executive showed up to work wearing an earing on one ear. His shocked co-worker proceeded "When did you start wearing an earing"
"Since my wife found this one in my car" the executive replied.

Score: 2

My girlfriend broke up with me for spending too much time taking care of my deaf sister... She said I was too ear-responsible

Score: 8