Hilarious Finger Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Finger Jokes

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield? She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Score: 6474

Thanos’ finger snap would have a way greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared Apparently only DC movies can do that

Score: 3179

Score: 2005

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

Score: 1062

I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me. I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.

Score: 1029

I broke my finger today... but on the other hand..I'm completely fine!

Score: 598

I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow.

I tried.

Score: 506

I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike... She game the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.

Score: 479

I burned my finger on my computer processor. It MHz.

Score: 354

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 286

I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 275

Why do pedophiles like to play guitar? Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

Score: 222

I broke my finger yesterday... ... on the other hand, I'm okay.

Score: 206

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand everything is fine.

Score: 170

If a ring for a toe is a toe ring... Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *fingering*

Score: 162

I broke a finger yesterday But on the other hand, I'm fine.

Score: 157

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA. - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

Score: 140

Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel You might be too weak to lift your middle finger

Score: 119

How bad does it hurt to get a finger cut off? I'd say about a 9 out of 10

Score: 113

Asked my wife if I could run my finger through her hair She nodded and said she would like that.

I started brushing across her top lip,

And that's when the fight started....

Score: 113

I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety... But my boss doesn't like to be touched.

Score: 106

Why should you finger a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free.

Score: 103

I broke my finger last week On the other hand, I'm okay

Score: 102

I just accidentally super-glued my thumb & index finger together, and at first started to panic… But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.

Score: 101

I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look... ... I knew I was in hot water.

Score: 97

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.

Score: 94

A man is sitting at the doctor's office As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".

Score: 91

What's the best thing about finger blasting a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free

Score: 89

As I slipt my finger slowly inside her hole... ...I could imediatly feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out, but within seconds she was going down on me.

I thought to myself....I really need a new boat

Score: 86

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Score: 84

Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger

Score: 71

I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring

Score: 69

Don't wait until your deathbed to tell people how you really feel. You might be too weak to raise your middle finger by then.

Score: 55

I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in. Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.

Score: 50

I know there's a reason why I cut my hands off. I just can't put my finger on it right now.

Score: 42

I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing... But I can't put my finger on it.

Score: 37

If a deaf person is missing a finger... ...do they speak with a lisp?

Score: 34

My friend had a tragic accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.

Score: 33

What's green and covered in bacon grease? Kermit's finger

Score: 26

Why does KFC not have any toilet paper in their rest rooms? Everything is finger licking good.

Score: 24

New Finger Jokes

Always making up excuses isn't a good thing. I wish i could explain why but i have broken my finger.

Score: 2

My friend broke a finger last night, On the other hand, he's okay

Score: 5

What’s a scary monster that can fit on your finger? The boogy man.

Score: 3

KFC joke. Why don’t they have toilet paper at KFC?

Because it’s finger liking good!

Score: 5

Did you hear that the guy who sang "Paralyzer" got banned from meeting the Stranger Things cast? Apparently he wanted to Finger Eleven.

Score: 2

My girlfriend made a gesture calling me a loser because I'm obsessed with Smash Mouth puns. I told her she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.

Score: 4

Why did Thanos tell everyone to smell his finger? He was feeling Strange.

Score: 4

How to turn on a phone in 2018 With a finger or a facial

Score: 10

I just failed driving exam The instructor said I failed at signals. I don't get it. I keep giving middle finger to the drivers honking at me.

Score: 3

What is long, green and smells of pork? Kermit The Frog´s finger

Score: 3

Some consider giving the middle finger to be a religious gesture It's a sign of the crossed.

Score: 1

"Do you use a dictaphone?" "No, I just use my finger."

Score: 2

I've never been any good at nipple play... ...I just can't quite seem to put my finger on it.

Score: 3

A man goes to the doctor and says that everywhere on his body hurts when touched. The doctor says; Your finger is broken.

Score: 5

"If I touch myself here, here, here, or here, it hurts!" Doctor: Well, your finger appears to be broken.

Score: 3

I cut off a finger in an accident at work I called my wife from the hospital and told her the terrible news.
"Oh, no" she cried "Was it the whole finger?"
"No" I replied "It was the one next to it."

Score: 21

What does a woman with a missing finger get at the nail salon? 10% off.

Score: 5

I met a girl and there was something about her I liked, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Score: 7

You should try... Dad: I cut my finger
Me: you should put some tryactin on that
Dad: what's tryactin?
Me: try acting like a man

Score: 7

What is Finn Wolfhard's (Mike Wheeler from Stranger Things) favorite band? Finger Eleven

Score: 1

I was at the gym and i found a hole in my trainer that i could fit my whole finger in Unfortunately she made a complaint and now I'm banned for life.

Score: 3

There has been a lot of debate over whether we should reinstitute the rule forcing those who break a pinky promise to cut off their pinky finger. I mean, on one hand they have 4 fingers, but on the other, they have 5.

Score: 1

What's green, slimy, long, and smells like pork? Kermit's Finger

Score: 1

I read a riddle with a picture of an eye, a child, a finger pointing at me, and a knot I kid you not, that's what it was

Score: 4

Why programmers like unix? unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep....

Score: 3

My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer. The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."

My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."

Score: 12

My friend asked what me what I hated the most on a beautiful girl. Me: The ring on her finger.

My friend: What's next?

Me: The ring on my finger...

Score: 5

Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn't think so.

Score: 6

I've been geesed! I've been geesed! "I've been geesed!" A woman yells running out of an elevator.

A man stops her and says, "ma'am I think you mean you have been goosed?"

"No, I think I can tell the difference between one finger and five..." she replied.

Score: 1

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door? Ow! I think it's baroque!

(I'm so sorry.)

Score: 3

Not sure why everyone is freaking out that Trump has his Finger on the Nuclear Button... By his own admission; this isn't the first time his hands have been somewhere they shouldn't

Score: 2

There is something that I am not supposed to do near a hot stove but I just can't put my finger on it.

Score: 6

How can you see if a hippie has a girlfriend? He has one clean finger

Score: 9

When I was in high school, I had a girl in the back seat of my car... She confided in me, "I think you're really hot, but I've never hooked up with anyone before, and I don't know what to do."

I replied, "Me either, but don't worry. We'll finger it out."

Score: 10

There's something making the center of my back itch But I can't put my finger on it.

Score: 19

I went to the gym last week and noticed a hole... I went to the gym last week and noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.

Anyway, she made a formal complaint and I'm banned for life.

Score: 2

What's the best thing about a gypsy on her period? When you finger her you get your palm read.

Score: 5

I was having a quick rest at the gym last night when i noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to fit my finger in, to cut a long story short, she complained and now I have to find another gym.

Score: 3

A beautiful girl who was staying in the hotel, puts her finger on hotel manager's lips Manager smiles, kisses each finger one by one..

Girl: U liked it ?

Manager: Oh yeah !!

Girl: Now go and tell your boss that there is no tissue in the toilet !!

Score: 2

Don’t wait until you are on your death bed to tell people how you really feel because.. because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger… 😂😂😂😂

Score: 7

I went to the gym and found a hole in my trainer big enough to get my finger in... She raised a complaint and now I'm banned for life.

Score: 2

Confucius say, Athletic finger... Make broad jump.

Score: 1

Jill broke her finger today. but on the other hand she was completely fine.

Score: 2

i wanna fingerbang bill oreilly ... thats it. i just wanna finger bang him

#bang bang
#pew pew

Score: 1

I can only think of one thing worse than Trump with his finger on the nuclear trigger. Micheal J Fox with his finger on the nuclear trigger.

Score: 4

Why are brass players good in bed? They know how to tongue, finger, and blow.

Score: 3

I was at the dentist this morning and while he was examining my mouth, I bit his finger. I think I left a good impression.

Score: 23

What's the difference between tuna and a piano? You can finger a piano, but fingering tuna gets me kicked out of the aquarium.

Score: 3

What do you get when you finger a Gypsy on the rag? Your palm red for free.

Score: 12

Why should you always use your middle finger on a woman? Because a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Score: 1

A woman brings a bull to the doctors. "Doctor! A witch stuck her finger in my husbands ear! Then smacked him on the rear! Then she sang a verse! And he turned into this bull! Can you help?"

"Sorry" the doc said. "I'm afraid it's ear rear verse a bull."

Score: 2

What's long and green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

Score: 6

Isn't asking a doctor for a second opinion normal? I can't understand why my doctor got upset after my prostate exam when I asked him to try again with a second finger.

Score: 8

A joke my grandpa told me before he passed. "Pull my finger."

Score: 2

I like my woman like I like my shoelaces. Curvy, loose, and easy to finger.

Score: 14

What's slimy, long and smells like pork? Kermit the Frog's Finger.

Score: 5

Took the old girl for a ride last week So I reach over and slide my finger in her hole and it was wet. As my finger pushes into her hole it get wetter and wetter. I pull my finger out and she goes down on me. I guess I need to buy a new boat.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the girl's softball game that turned into an orgy? It all started when the catcher stuck her finger in the batters box.

Score: 1

Why do truck drivers like wearing finger-less gloves... They like to see their girlfriend in shorts

Score: 4

A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"

(sorry, it's more a visual joke)

Score: 9