First Date Jokes

On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’ Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’

What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no booty.

On a first date: Her - So what do you do?

Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers.

Her - Wow, that's impressive!

Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.

I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.

Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees. Apparently she stood him up.

I was on a first date last night. We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.

It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

I always play Jenga on a first date, That way she knows how strong my pull out game is.

My wife emailed me pictures of our first date, but I couldn’t open any of the files. I’ve always had trouble with emotional attachments.

On first date : She: What do you prefer cats or dogs?
Me: I don't see them anywhere in menu, which page are you on?

My first date Me: "I work with animals every day."

She: "Ohh, how sweet! What is it that you do?"

Me: "Im a butcher."

At a first date... At a first date:


He: “I work with animals every day!”


She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”


He: “I’m a butcher.”

People say the hardest part of the first date is the first kiss. No idea what they mean, the hardest part of my first date was getting her to take the sleeping pills.

Stephen Hawking has his first date in a long time... When he returned from the date, he had a twisted ankle, a broken wrist, his glasses were cracked and there was dirt all over his clothes.

Apparently she stood him up.

9 years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a first date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times...

Help, I think the girl I had my first date with is homeless. I told her to send me a text message when she got home, but it's been days.

This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date So after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house

I’m not much of a small talk guy so on the first date I asked: If money wasn’t a problem what would you be doing right now?







Her: having dinner alone

What’s the most popular first date spot in Alabama? Olive Garden: when you’re here, you’re family.

I was on a first date. "How many women have you slept with?" she asked.

I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten?"

"Oh, I say. Go on then." she laughed.

I said, "0."

A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if you're going to get screwed.

A couple on the first date. She: What are your hobbies?
He (gets a stuffed hamster out of his pocket): Taxidermy.
Hamster: And ventriloquism!

What happens on the first date with Bill Cosby? I don't remember

I took a girl to Fight Club. Terrible place for a first date. We had nothing to talk about.

[First Date] Me: Your profile says you’re good at finishing sentences?
Her: Yeah, Totally!
Me: Same! I just finished a 20 year sentence for manslaughter

I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date. But she wasn't really Inuit.

At a first date: He: “I work with animals every day!”

She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”

He: “I’m a butcher.”

First Date... Her: So what do you do?

Me: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers

Her: Wow, impressive

Me: Then I'll move on to Virgos

I was on a first date "How many women have you slept with?" she asked.

I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten?"

"Oh, I say! Go on then," she laughed.

I said, "Zero"

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees... Apparently she stood him up!

Lets pretend My wife on our last date:
lets pretend its 25 years ago, we don't have kids at home and we are out on a first date

Me: Im sorry. I dont think this is going to work.

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

I told my first date to meet me at Starbucks because I forgot her name But the date went horribly wrong since Starbucks got her name wrong.

I tried to date this super-patriotic Chinese girl. She came to the first date wearing a custom cape. It was a huge red flag.

I went on my very first date today... ...we were enjoying a lovely dinner while talking about our lives, until she excused herself to use the washroom. It's remarkable how women can stay in there for two hours!

During the first date with a girl I told her “Humor is the second efficient way to get laid. “

“What’s the first one?” She asked
.
“Violence.”

“You’re funny.” She said

“Wise choice.”

Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date? Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough.

The other day I was sitting next to a Xhosa speaking couple seemingly on their first date. I thought it went well, it looked like they just clicked

You shouldn't kiss on January 1st. Coz it's only the first date

After getting divorced, I met a girl on a first date


Girl: where were you before?


Me: i was in jail, i just came out after doing 10 years.


Girl: why? What crime did you commit?


Me: I committed a marriage.


** today is my 10th anniversary and i just created this joke**