Hilarious Funeral Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Funeral Jokes

Score: 12786

At a funeral Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears throat* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

Score: 11619

I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week... I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".

Score: 10857

A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: "Mind if I say a word?"

She says: "Please do."

The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."

The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a lot."

Score: 5016

Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week. I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"

Score: 3084

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing ...except at a funeral

Score: 2933

My friend Tommy drowned the other day... At his funeral, we placed a lifejacket on his coffin.

It's what he would have wanted...

Score: 2629

The guy who created cough drops died last week. There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

Score: 2616

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Score: 2539

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral...

Score: 2402

The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral

Score: 2371

Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

Score: 2304

My best friend is mad at me, because I sniffed on his sisters underwear.. Don't know if he is mad because she was still wearing it or because her parents where present.

Whatever, it was a strange funeral.

Score: 2280

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man asks “do you mind if I say a word” “no, go right ahead” the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says... “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

Score: 1923

"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" usually mean the same thing ...except at a funeral

Score: 1878

My friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them... Or because the rest of the family was there... Either way, it made the rest of the funeral really awkward.

Score: 1140

So I walked up to the widow at a funeral. Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"

Widow: "Please do."

Me: (clears throat) "Plethora."

Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

Score: 1137

If my grandmother knew how much money i spent on her funeral She'd be spinning in her ditch

Score: 957

My family is furious at me for implying my Sister in an idiot for not vaccinating her child... I suppose the funeral wasn’t the right place to say it.

Score: 949

"The total cost would be £3000," said the funeral director. "And that includes digging the grave."

"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.

He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."

Score: 768

Saying "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" means the same thing ... Unless you're at a funeral.

Score: 704

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.

Score: 573

'I'm sorry' and "My bad" mean the same thing ... except at a funeral.

Score: 567

My friend drowned. So at his funeral... ...we took a cake shaped like a life raft.

After all...It's what he would have wanted.

Score: 493

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? One fewer drunk person.

Edit: Fewer, not less

Score: 403

I'm sorry and I apologize normally mean the same thing Except at a funeral.

Score: 351

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing... Unless you're at a funeral.

Score: 331

My best friend got mad at me sniffing his sister's panties It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. Needless to say it made the rest of the funeral really awkward.

Score: 326

What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.

Score: 323

A man is at his wife’s funeral and a woman asks him if she can say a word.

He says okay and she stands up, saying ‘Plethora’.

The man replies, ‘Thanks, that means a lot’.

Score: 298

You know what they say, where there's a will... there's a funeral.

Score: 153

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" basically mean the same thing Except at a funeral.

Score: 147

Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. "Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

Score: 124

Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk.

Score: 97

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish... I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

Score: 96

Some guys tried selling me a funeral plot. I told him that would be the last thing I'd ever spend my money on.

Score: 84

[OC] A notoriously bad stage actor died recently. The vehicle carrying his casket broke down on the way to the funeral, allowing his critics, for one last time, to state that he needed to rehearse.

Score: 64

My friend who worked at a movie theater died yesterday. Funeral services are being held at 3:20, 5:15, 7:50 and 9:10.

Score: 55

You disturbed the first part of this funeral. Just let us do the rest in peace.

Score: 52

After my mother’s funeral, we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying. He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

Score: 52

New Funeral Jokes

What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Nothing

Score: 5

What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.

Score: 8

My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spas, where tiny little fish eat all the dead skin. It cost him $35, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

Score: 32

I opened up the only funeral home in town and everyone is dying to get in.

Score: 7

Man I love jerking off with a dead arm. It feels so good! At least it did, until everybody said I was "ruining the funeral"

Score: 6

Why did Bob Marlys funeral take so long? Because his coffin lid kept jamming

Score: 5

What did they serve for lunch at McCain's funeral? Kung P.O.W. Chicken

Score: 11

I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin. It was £30 but cheaper than a funeral

Score: 46

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having a funeral.

Score: 6

Why Did The Queen Wear Black Gloves To Princess Diana's Funeral? The white ones were covered in brake fluid.

Score: 5

If you don't go to someone's funeral... they won't come to yours either.

Score: 4

My best friend got mad at me for sniffing his sisters panties I'm not sure if it was because his family was around or the were still on her, but whatever it was, it really ruined the funeral

Score: 7

I want to make a funeral home in the forest I'll call it "Mourning Wood"

Score: 38

Knock knock -who is there?
-its me dammit let me out of here!!
-guys stop the funeral!

Score: 4

My best friend caught me sniffing his sister's panties It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. He did call the cops though. Needless to say it made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Score: 26

When Queen Elizabeth dies there will be two days of mourning. One for the funeral and one for the coronation.

Score: 5

Why do you have an erection at a funeral? Mourning wood.

Score: 8

He died doing what he loved Is an awful thing to say at the funeral of a drug addict who overdosed

Score: 9

The only thing sadder than a gluten free funeral... is a flourless grave.

Score: 44

Respect the dead A young man went to a funeral. While being there he noticed that the church had a wireless network.

Hey, what is the wifi password?

A sad relative said:

Respect the dead!

And the boy asked:

All in lowercase?

Score: 12

Knock, Knock, who's there? Grandpa! Quick stop the funeral!

Score: 37

The person who invented human cloning has died. He will be attending his funeral tomorrow.

Score: 30

What did everyone think about the mobster's funeral? It was a hit.

Score: 4

To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands funeral I said "At least he died doing what he Loves" Too bad he was a Drug Addict

Score: 14

Do you believe in life after death? "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes sir," the clerk replied.

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your mother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

Score: 4

If you get hard at a funeral... ...is that a mourning wood?

Score: 9

Final Destination What do you call an open-casket viewing at an atheist's funeral?
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Score: 8

Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a Westboro Baptist's Funeral? There's only two handles on a garbage can.

Score: 12

Funeral Plans When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the sea.

So when my family eats sushi they'll think of me.

Score: 9

Did you hear the inventor of throat lozenges just died?!? There wont be any coffin for him at his funeral.

Score: 14

At a funeral... Visitor: what's the wifi password here?

Priest: please respect the dead.

Visitor: all lower case?

Score: 5

Why didn't the night owl go to the funeral? He wasn't a mourning person

Score: 9

I put on a full suit to check my grades I wanted to look my best at my funeral

Score: 6

What's it called when you get an erection at a funeral? Mourning wood.

Score: 45

I convinced my girlfriend to get over her fear of skydiving... Her funeral is on Tuesday.

Score: 6

"Will it cost extra to bury my wife?" I said to the funeral director, "Will it cost extra to bury my wife?"

He asked, "Why, is she a big woman?"

"No, still alive."

Score: 8

When he dies my dad’s arranged to be liquidized. He won't go to any funeral he can't get drunk at.

Score: 40

Some people believe you can talk to the dead. Some people believe you can't. But all of them agree I shouldn't have tried to do it at the funeral

Score: 46

What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral? There is one less drunk at an Australian funeral.

Score: 10

My friend got angry at me for sniffing his sister's panties. It didn't help that they were still on her.

Or that their whole family was watching.

This made the rest of the funeral quite awkward.

Score: 51

Usually, "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously... But I wouldn't recommend it at a funeral.

Score: 34

I got a hard on at my wifes funeral Guess you could say I had mourning wood.

Score: 30

What do you get when there is a death at a funeral? A rehearsal.

Score: 6

I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's funeral. I said, "What shall I wear?"

"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."

It's not easy being a necrophiliac.

Score: 4

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? 1 less drunk

Score: 12

Larry La Prise, the creator of the hokey pokey died this week.... Every thing went well with the funeral except putting the body in the casket

They put the left leg in....

And then the trouble started

Score: 6

Went to my old tennis coach's funeral last week. His death was tragic but the service was lovely.

Score: 11

Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral? he's not a mourning person

Score: 5

What do you call an erection during a funeral? Mourning wood!

Score: 9

I know she wanted to be cremated, and I know she didn't want a formal funeral... ...But was a "Family Barbecue" really the best idea?

Score: 5

How do the Irish cure a hangover? With a funeral.

Score: 26

What do you call an erection you get at a funeral? Mourning wood

Score: 12

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Score: 5

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One person.

Score: 7

What shouldn't you do at a funeral? The corpse.

Score: 5

I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident. Their funeral wreath was in the shape of a parachute.

After all, that's what they would've wanted.

Score: 35

What did the necrophiliac have at the funeral Mourning wood

Score: 45

What's the point of going to somebodys funeral? It's not like they are coming to yours.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Neither did his audience.

Score: 20

A man walks into a funeral home... He asks the mortician if he's had much business lately.
"Not really..." the mortician says, "It's been pretty dead around here".

Score: 9