Goose Jokes

Animals: Winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

What do you get when you run over a goose? Goose bumps.

How do you get down from a horse? You can't... You can only get down from a goose

If a very social person is called a "people person"... Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?

An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up. How do you get down from an elephant??


YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!

How do you get down off an elephant? You don't. You get down off a goose.

Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose? They suspected it of fowl play.

Which side of the goose has the most feathers? The outside

What did the goose say when he found out about flying south? Wanna hear migrate idea?

Ryan Gosling is 36 years old Shouldn't we be calling him Ryan Goose already?

I think Ryan Gosling is mature enough now... for us to call him Ryan Goose.

Difference between erotic and perverted You can be erotic by gently stroking your girlfriend with a feather. But its perverted if you take the whole goose to do it.

My cousin recently had an operation to become a goose He's transgander.

What do you call a goose who has undergone gender reassignment surgery? Transgander!

Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character? You're flerken right he is.

What do you call a goose in a tuxedo telling the news? Media Proper Gander

Just ate goose for the first time It was fowl

Why did Ed Gein keep his house so hot? To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.

If you have one Portuguese... ... shouldn't it be portu-goose?

What did the duck say to the duck? Goose.

Poor Hillary Clinton... I haven't seen someone hit a glass ceiling this hard since Goose from Top Gun

A chicken, a goose and a pheasant were sitting in a tavern drinking… The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play strip poker?"

The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."

I'm taking the goose farmer's daughter to the dance... I heard she knows how to get down

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by? I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle? He had *bean stalking* her.

A husband gets home after playing golf..... And his wife asks how it went to which he replies "It went very well, except when I hit that goose on the 8th hole" The wife then replies "How many strokes is a goose?"

What sound does a Chinese goose make? Hong Kong!

What sound does an Egyptian goose make? Ankh ankh!

A dead goose was discovered on the sidewalk today. Fowl play is suspected.

A woman and a goose walk into a bar The bartender asks, "Why did you bring the pig into the bar?"
The woman answers, "Why, I do believe this is a goose not a pig!"
The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"

What do you hunt to waste your time? Wild goose

What do you do when a goose swoops above your head? You duck.

How do you get down from an elephant? You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a goose!

What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond? Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

What's a truck's favorite game? Truck, truck, goose.

Original content from my four year old son.

"Today on the programme we're going to be preparing Goose..." --"Goose, are you prepared?"

-- "Yep."

--"There you go everyone, bon appetit!"

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.