Hilarious Hard Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hard Jokes

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

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Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rolling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

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I'm 60 days clean now. It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

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My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"

He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

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My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

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I don’t get why people say cancer is hard to beat I’m already on Stage 4

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I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

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Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? There's no dental records and all the DNA matches

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How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard

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What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name

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Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. Concrete floors are really hard to crack.

Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"

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A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

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My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

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Raising children is hard as a trans parent They see right through me

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For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.

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The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana". It's hard on your joints.

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I just sold viagra to a guy who thinks it's adderal. He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow.

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How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

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Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? All the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

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I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic... Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago

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Braille isn't that hard to learn... You just have to get a feel for it

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My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied: "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

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I like the smell of mothballs. But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.

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Recently got a second job as a bartender at a stripclub. Ive never worked so hard before in my life.

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What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.

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No matter how hard you push the envelope it will still remain stationery

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Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand: Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.

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Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said "You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

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Husband: "I want a divorce... My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months"

Lawyer: "Think about it once again.Wives like that are hard to find."

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Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time. They have enough on their plate already.

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Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because there are no dental records and their DNA is all the same.

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What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? ...banned from the zoo. (Learned that the hard way)

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I'm 60 days clean. It's been hard showering for 60 days, but thankfully heroin has helped me through it.

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My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".

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My friend died when he couldn't remember his blood type He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.

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The egg said to the pot of boiling water.... It's gonna take a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning

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What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

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I'm 30 days clean now Taking a shower every day was hard, it's a good thing I had meth to get me through it

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New Hard Jokes

There’s a reason why students are forbidden to play Fortnite during school It would be really hard to tell where all the gunshots are coming from

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Why are red neck murders so hard to solve? All the DNA samples match and there are no dental records

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Its hard to break up with a Japanese girl You have to drop the bomb twice before she understands.

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How do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony? it isn't hard.

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I didn't go to college, I went to the 'School of Hard Knocks'. Because I wanted to get a job as a door-to-door hearing aid salesman.

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How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not that hard.

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I got a baby bunny today. I had to swerve pretty hard to do it, but I got him!

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What did the egg say before it got boiled? It's gonna take me awhile to get hard, I just got laid by a chick!

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Why was the computer mad when he got home? It had a hard drive

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In a way, good friends are like condoms... ...they protect you when things get hard.

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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

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My dad died yesterday when no one remembered his blood type. He kept telling us to 'be positive' but it's hard without him.

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I can relate to an unused brick Always hard never laid

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Im 60 days clean now. It's been hard taking a bath every day, but at least I had heroin to help me through it.

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How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

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I like metal bands with female lead singers... Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

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Why did Hitler lose his drivers licence? He was too hard on the gas

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What's long, hard, bendable and contains the letters P, E, N, I, S? Your spine.

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Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025 but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

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What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"

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The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

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I have recently become a new man I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

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Q. How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.

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It was really hard overcoming my addiction to the Hokey-Pokey... But I turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

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What kind of tea can be hard to swallow? Reality.

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What's the difference between light and hard? It's easy to get to sleep with a light on

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I asked my babysitter from 15 years ago if she remembered how hard it was to get me in bed. I told her it that it would be much easyier now.

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It is hard to understand English but you can learn it through tough thorough thought, though!

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My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.

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A Viking is arguing with his wife "It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"

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Why is ground beef so popular? Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

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I got hard during circumcision It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.

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Why did the hitman have such a hard time getting married? No witnesses.

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It's quite hard to compare the epididymis and the seminal vesicle There's a vas deferens between them.

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I like playing chess with bald people in the park The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them

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Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard

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Hey girl, are you a computer? Because you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.

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Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder? All the bloods the same and there are no dental records

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A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong. He killed himself three hours later.

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Life is hard in a band Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.

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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl? You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.

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It must be hard working as a prostitute. After all, work just comes and goes.

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Redneck murders are hard to solve. Never any dental records and all the DNA's the same.

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No matter how hard you push the envelope It still remains stationery

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Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

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2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died. His family are taking it really hard.

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This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it

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How difficult is it to live with erectile dysfunction? It turns out, it's not very hard at all

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Some people think it's difficult to live with Erectile Dysfunction But really, it's not that hard.

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No matter how hard you try to push that envelope It will still be stationery.

^edit: ^spelling...

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How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
Well it's not hard, really...

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How can you spot the blind guy on a nude beach? It's not hard.

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I love Taco Bell so much that I even enjoy being *asked* what style of tacos I want... I get hard every time.

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At what point does CPR become necrophilia? When you both get hard.

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An employee tells his boss... Hey, that's a nice car you have there.

The boss looks at him and says:

Work hard, stay after hours, and next year, it'll be even nicer.

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/r/bicycling/ downvoted this joke pretty hard What do bicyclists do when they get to a stop sign?

Apparently nothing.

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Why are redneck murders hard to solve? No dental records and the DNA is all the same.

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What's the main difference between light and hard? I can go to sleep with a light on

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How many trains have I derailed in all my years as a train driver? It's hard to keep track.

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