Hilarious Hooker Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hooker Jokes

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker. That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

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What's the difference between an Immortal Goddess and a Hooker? The letter 't'

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What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.

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What's the best part about having a hooker die on you? The second hour is free.

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Whats the difference between an onion and a hooker? I dont cry when I cut up a hooker

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a hooker says "Hey padre, twenty dollars for a quicky". He has no idea whats going on, so he returns to the monastary and calls the Mother Superior to his office and asks her "Whats a quicky?" She replies "Twenty dollars, same as in town".

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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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How does a castle hooker describe her job? I work most knights

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What do you call an Italian hooker? A PASTA-tute!

I am so sorry.

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker

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What's the difference between my job and a dead hooker? My job still sucks

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I ordered an Asian Hooker, she arrived 2 hours late She loves me wrong time.

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2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the hooker? The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO

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What do you call a hooker laying down? Whorizontal.

Thanks, I'll show myself out.

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What's the best thing about a hooker dying on you? Second hour is free.

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What do you call an Alaskan hooker? A frostitute.

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I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

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Whats the best part about a dead hooker The second hour is free

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How many dead hooker's in your basement does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 4

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Guy takes a hooker out for supper. He giver her his peas, she gives him herpes.

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What do you call a hooker who works for spaghetti? A pastatute!

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What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I cry when I cut up onions

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What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I've never cried when chopping up a hooker.

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A hooker and a priest walk into a spaceship... It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back.

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What's the difference between a hooker, a girlfriend and a wife? A hooker says "that's all", a girlfriend says "is that all?" and a wife says "blue. I think I'll paint the ceiling blue."

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What do you call a hooker who teaches other hookers? A prostitutor.

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with dysentery? One of them shucks between fits.

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What is a hooker in Alaska called? A frostitute!

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What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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What do you call a Chinese underage hooker? Sum Yung Ho

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What is the difference between a dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

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if a plumber's career can go down the drain... And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?

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starbucks is like a hooker... one on every corner and money upfront before they scream your name

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What does the hooker say after you pay her? Thank you, it's a business doing pleasure with you.

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What's the difference between a $62 and a $285,000 hooker? You'll get crabs from the cheap one, and lobsters from the other.

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

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What do you call a hooker with a car? A screwdriver

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What did the hooker say to Gilgamesh? I love a man in cuneiform.

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A guy invites a hooker in for dinner... He gave her his peas, then she gave him herpes.

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New Hooker Jokes

What does a hooker and a box of chocolates have in common? They are both full of assorted creams.

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What did a hooker say to the Russian President? Vladimir Putin

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? The epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits.

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Whats the difference between a new born baby and a hooker? A lot of them.
And you are a really sick maniac, if you couldn't see any.

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What do you call a prostitute from Newtown, CT? A Sandy Hooker

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How does a hooker kill her clients? With the final blow.

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What did the leper say to the hooker when he couldn't pay. "Sorry, but you can keep the tip."

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I hired a hooker the other day She really sucked at her job

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A hooker called me the other day I'm not old or anything but I now have hearing aids

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What do you call a street hooker with cerebal palsy? A fidget spinner!

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Two potatoes are on a street corner. How do you tell which one’s a hooker? The one that says “Idaho”.

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When I was growing up, my grandpa would say when he's leaving. I'm going to see a man about a dog that wears lipstick. Then he'd start laughing..

I never really thought about it or got it until today...

He was telling me he was gonna see a pimp to get a hooker..

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What’s the difference between a dead hooker and work? Only one still sucks

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I just met a dyslexic hooker. She offered to cook my socks for £50

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? The first one shucks between fits...

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What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker cleans her crack and sells it again.

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What's the difference between an escort and a hooker? The price.

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I have no home button. ..and I work at your place.

You can call me and I know your face.

I cost $1000 although some think me a waste.

What am I ?

That's right. A high class hooker.

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What do you call a fisherman's wife that is good with his bait? A hooker

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Mama always said Fishing is like a Hooker... You never know what you're gonna catch.

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Fishing saved me from being a pornstar Now I'm just a hooker!

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a hooker with dysentery? The oyster farmer shucks between fits.

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What do you call a hooker in the morning? You call her a cab!

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What's the difference between a hooker and an escort? About $500 and a slight element of doubt to the outcome of the evening.

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What's the difference between a dead hooker and cars I don't have a lot of cars in my garage.

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Guy comes back the next day after seeing a 5$ hooker. "I have crabs" It was 5$ did you expect lobster?

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What goes down while it's going up? A hooker on an elevator.

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What did the broke hooker say to the other hooker? Can you lend me $50 until I'm on my back again?

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What is a hooker's favorite vegetable? brothel sprouts

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What do you call a cheap hooker at a concentration camp? A Hoe Low Cost

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What do you get....? ...when you cross a hooker with an elephant?

A 2-ton hooker who'll do it for peanuts.

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A Russian hooker is knocking all night long on Trump's door... In the morning, he was tired of it, so he let her out.

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You might be a redneck if...... You don't have enough cash for the hooker, but she takes Food Stamps

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A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets crabs... When he goes back to complain, she laughs and says, "what did you expect, lobster?"

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I asked a hooker if she accepted Bitcoin. She told me no because it goes up and down more than she does.

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What happened to the hooker who decided to give freebies for a day? Inbox battered.

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Joke haha comedic value right here A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

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What did Trump say to the Russian Hooker? Yer an eight.

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What's the difference between a phone and a hooker The hooker charges before you plug it in

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Did you hear the one about the blind hooker? You've got to hand it to her.

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I picked up a hooker today I had to after i knocked her out.

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What is the difference between an electronic cigarette and a hookah? You suck on an E-Cig, but a hooker sucks on you!

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Does the dead hooker in my shed... ...count as a garden hoe?

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What do you call a hooker with one leg. Eileen.
What do you call a hooker without legs?
Consuelo

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My favorite hooker lost one of her fingers recently. Hand jobs are now 25% off.

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What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Stolen from a friend on Facebook

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That was Cheap A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

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What's the difference between chocolate and a dead hooker? You can feed one to your dog

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What's common between a bungee jumper and a hooker? If the rubber snaps, you're screwed

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Got told this at work today all the guys thought it was funny and so thought iI'dput it to the vote? What's the best part about having a hooker die on you? The second hour is free.

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A man hires a $10 hooker and gets crabs... He goes back with the hooker and complaints , she says "what were you expecting for 10 bucks? Lobster?"

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What do you call a prostitute who's upset about gun control? A sandy hooker

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What do you call a fishing prostitute A Hooker

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What's a hooker's favorite soda? Mount and do

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What's the difference between a hooker and your wife? You pay the hooker and she does what you want. And you pay your wife and she does what she wants.

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What do the psychologist and the hooker say to each other after they spend the night together? "That will be $150 please."

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