How To Tell Jokes

Contents

Funniest How To Tell Jokes

Funny How To Tell Jokes
Score: 733

Do you know how to tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's clothing.

Score: 127

How to tell ant gender Put the ant in water and if it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, boy ant.

Score: 102

“My wife’s identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job” I said to my friend

He asked “ do you know how to tell them apart ?”

I remarked “ why should I ?”

Score: 84

How to tell if you are old? Pretend to fall down. If people laugh, you are not old yet.

Score: 69

Today, I became a father. I don't know how to tell my wife.

Score: 31

Do you know how to tell the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer? They taste different.

Score: 21

I don't know how to tell people this... But I want to be a translator.

Score: 21

How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ? "Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"

Score: 14

How to tell a alligator from a crocodile One will see you later

Score: 12

do you know how to tell how heavy a red hot chili pepper is? you give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

Score: 12

How do you know who the most popular man at a nudist colony is? The one that can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts


How to tell who the most popular woman is?
The one that can eat the last donut

Score: 12

How to tell if an orange likes to party Just Invitamin-C.

Score: 11

A friend who works for FedEx told me how to tell a decent joke. It's all about the delivery.

Score: 10

How to tell an ant’s gender Put it in water. If the ant sinks its girl ant. If it floats its buoyant.

Score: 9

How to tell the difference between a bad, a good and an excellent accountant ? When you ask them "2+2 is ?":

- The bad accountant will say "5"

- The good accountant will say "4"

- The excellent accountant will say "how much do you want?"

Score: 8

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes... "Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."

I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

Score: 8

How to tell the difference between a Crocodile and a Alligator Well one you see in a while, and the other you see later.

Score: 7

How to tell a difference between a Politician and chemistry nerd? Ask them to read the word- "unionized"

Score: 7

I wrote a book about how to tell a believable joke story and I'm selling it on Amazon But nobody buys it.

Score: 7

Do you know how to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? Just pay attention to whether you see them later or after a while.

Score: 5

How to tell if a Japanese restaurant is authentic? The menu will be written in Times New Ramen

Score: 5

How to tell the difference between a sumo wrestler and a feminist blogger? Sumos shave their legs...

Score: 4

How to tell what part of Washington you're in: Forest is west, desert is east... Swamp is DC.

Score: 4

How to tell if someone has Rhotacism? Ask them to pronounce it.

Score: 3

How to tell a kid he's adopted **Dad**: > Son, do we have any dop ted??

**Son**: > Dad, what's a dop ted?

**Dad**: > You are.

Score: 3

How to tell a chemist from plumber? Ask them to pronounce *unionized*.

Score: 3

Marylanders: Do you know how to tell the difference between male and female Chesapeake blue crabs ? The female will tell you how to eat her.

Score: 3

Do you know how to tell when you're really fat? When you fall from both sides of your bed at the same time

Score: 3

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day? One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Score: 2

I only know how to tell self-deprecating jokes... but they all suck.

Score: 2

How to tell an estate agent is lying? Their lips will be moving.

Score: 2

My friend told me this great joke about neutrinos, but I can never remember how to tell it. It went in one ear and out the other.

Score: 2

I don't know how to tell my future child That zoomers doesn't mean the generation that learned through zoom

Score: 2

How to tell the difference between a cucumber and a sea cucumber? Ask it, if you drown - it's a sea cucumber. If you still alive - you're talking to a vegetable.

Score: 1

Who knows how to tell when it's midnight on an analogue clock? Hands up.

Score: 1

My niece is trying to learn how to tell jokes Knock knock

Who's there?

Butterfly

Butterfly who?

Butterfly stinking all over the place.

Score: 1

I want to share this great joke about time But I'm not sure how to tell it.

Score: 1

It was my very first day as a bartender. A man comes up to bar and says, "I'll take a dry martini."

I look at all the drinks behind the counter, then look back at him and say, "I don't know how to tell you this..."

Score: 1

How to tell if someone is a millennial? It’s like ..really easy like…you just like…listen and ….like…you just kinda..know like…that you are like , a millennial. Know what I mean?

Score: 1

Popular Topics

New How To Tell Jokes

How to tell a kid he's adopted Dad: Son, do we have any dop ted!
Son: Dad, what's a dop ted?
Dad: You are.

Score: 0

Popular Topics