Insurance Jokes

Contents

Funniest Insurance Jokes

How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence.

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Funny Insurance Jokes
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Do Transformers get car insurance or health insurance? Nether. They’re immigrants in America.

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I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene

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Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance? Neither because they live in America.

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My wife is amazing She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!

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I got into an accident, but I managed to save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching... my car to reverse leaving the scene.

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Why don't Arab women need Insurance? Because they are already covered.

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I saved 15% on car insurance by switching.... The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident

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Just saved a ton of money on my car insurance... By switching to reverse and leaving the scene.

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I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy... that we have health insurance.

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I saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene.

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So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(

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Grandpa - why don't you have life insurance? Asks the grandson. Grandpa laughs and says: "I want you guys to be really sad when I die."

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I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching... ...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

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I sure like that my car insurance requires a 10 character password. I sure would hate it if someone ..... paid my car insurance?

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Did you hear they're remaking the show, 6 Million Dollar Man? It used to be about an enhanced human. Now it's just a story about a guy who visits the ER without health insurance.

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Why did the stripper need more insurance? She had little to no coverage.

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I just saved a ton on car insurance.... By fleeing the scene.

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Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare? Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment

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Savage Grandpa. Grandson: "Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

Grandpa: "So you can all be really sad when I die."

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Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.

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So, I bumped into this cute girl on the way out of the grocery store... We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.

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We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars. They're driving wrecklessly.

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What's not 50% off today? Health insurance

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I hit the gym today... But I drove away because I don't have car insurance.

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Son: what’s a Canadian, mommy? Mom: it's an un-armed North American with health insurance, honey.

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Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance? "Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

"So you can all be really sad when I die."

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My friend has mexican car insurance. It's called get out and run.

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Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance? Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

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How much is Donald Trump's life insurance worth? One Pence

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My wife said I'm always wasting money... She said: "Stop buying things you'll never use!"

So I cancelled my life insurance!

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What was Stalin's favorite Insurance? State Farm.

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Of Mayhem from Allstate Insurance and Flow from Progressive Insurance had a baby... They would name it Aggressive Prostate Insurance.

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What type of insurance does a florist provide? Wife insurance

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How Much Will Trump's Assassination Insurance Cost One Pence

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I was told if I got robbed when I was camping, it would invalidate my insurance... They said if my tent gets stolen, I'll no longer be covered.

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Soon I'll have a driverless car... I'm not getting a Tesla. It's just my insurance runs out and I can't afford to renew it.

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Progressive and allstate used to be one insurance company.. .. but nobody wanted prostate insurance.

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How much is Hillary Clinton's life insurance? Just one bill.

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New Insurance Jokes

I've got a great pet insurance... While my dog was at the vets, they gave me a courtesy cat.

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My dad said “social distancing” when I gave him a pad on the back this morning I said “I thought you already bought life insurance”.

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What do you call Donald Trump’s life insurance policy? Mike Pence.

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Click here if you want to see some big di-- --scounts on car insurance. There's also hot singles in your area.

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I visited my insurance company's office today and they were really nice to me, All I did was look at their snazzy printer, and the manager there told me, "Fine print."

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I'll only ever become an anti vaxxer if I have kids Well, that and after I put some life insurance policies on them

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Where do African Americans with no Health Insurance get their new organs? the black market

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My friend tried to convince me to get run over by a self-driving car to collect insurance money... Uber my dead body

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I was trying to buy some storm insurance for my camp site, but was refused. They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

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I suffered a work-related injury on the set of the latest "The Land Before Time" movie, but my insurance refused to cover it I asked them why but the rep. just said "we don't cover pre-existing conditions."

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A man with two wooden legs had his house lit on fire The firefighters were able to save the house but unfortunately the man was burnt to the ground. He tried to call the insurance company in the morning but...he didn’t have a leg to stand on

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Derek Zoolander selects his health insurance provider Blue Cross Blue Steel

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My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year. Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.

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Lawyers really make great patients for therapists They have great health insurance and they never get better

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One man proposed that Geico switch their mascot to a kitten. "Now, with only 15 minutes, you can save 15 purr-cent on cat insurance"

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Someone offered me skydiving insurance - "If something goes wrong, you'll get a big payout." I told them "I'm not falling for that one again."

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Why did "The Land Before Time" movie series have their insurance denied? Their policy doesn't cover pre-existing conditions

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How much does it cost to grow a vegetable? Depends on how good your insurance is.

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My roommate told me she got tenant insurance. I said, "why'd you do that?... ...We only have 7 ants."

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What insurance did Earth, Wind and fire take out for their stage costumes? Earth, Wind, Fire and theft.

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I should start selling life insurance for ISIS members. I'm sure it's gonna be a booming business.

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How much did President Trump pay for assassination insurance? One Pence.

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When do you known that Chinese Americans are moving into the neighborhood? All the Mexicans are buying auto insurance .

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Son: what's a Canadian, mommy? Mommy: it's an un-armed North American with health insurance, honey

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Did you hear what the new acronym for the republican insurance plan is? R.I.P

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How much is trump's life insurance worth? One Pence

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What's the difference between a drug dealer in Colorado and a drug dealer in virginia One takes insurance

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Why does Germany pay reparations to Israel? Arson insurance fraud.

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I too save a bunch of money on car insurance. By not having any.

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