Hilarious Job Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Job Jokes

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."

Score: 27597

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”. Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

Score: 19389

Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a blow job? The blow job. You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a blow job.

Score: 18729

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute... On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Score: 18385

Bullets are so weird They only do their job AFTER they’re fired

Score: 15127

You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it’s there? Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.

Score: 14109

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

Score: 13827

My wife cheated on me with the garbage man I asked her how she could do such a thing and she said "He actually pays attention to me, he takes me out!" I replied, "That's because it's his job, honey."

Score: 12560

I learned yesterday that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute... On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Score: 12559

Score: 11629

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Score: 11624

After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids We think the doctor would do a way better job than us

Score: 10755

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I’m the CIEIO

Score: 9602

I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.

Score: 9537

a guy got an Interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing

Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$

Boss: welcome on board

Score: 8324

If you ever feel your job is meaningless... Just remember that it's somebody's job to install turn signals to BMW's

Score: 7958

As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

Score: 7753

Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city.. Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

Score: 7171

Did you know that a piranha can devour a child down to the bone in less than 45 seconds? Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Score: 6230

I asked a prostitute "How Much For A Hand Job?"

Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"

I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"

Score: 2654

I'm kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer Yeah, I gave 'em my too weak notice

Score: 2552

I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly... She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".

Score: 2249

Unfortunately my dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday He buried someone in the wrong hole.

It was a grave mistake.

Score: 2238

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Score: 2237

*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?' Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'

Score: 2121

During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

Score: 2065

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

Score: 2030

I looked her square in the eyes and said, "Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?" "I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.

Score: 2005

Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1993

What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say "Here, fill this out."

Score: 1972

I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican." It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.

Score: 1499

Interviewer: "We're looking for someone who is responsible." Me: "A lot of things went wrong at my last job and everyone said I was responsible. "

Score: 1271

Just quit my job at the helium factory. I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Score: 1236

They say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

Score: 1146

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

Score: 924

At the job interview Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?

Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.

Me: Yay, I got a yob.

Score: 845

During a job interview yesterday I poured myself some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly.

"Nervous?" Said the interviewer.

"No" I said, "I always give 110%"

Score: 840

I was in a Uber today and the driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss.
Nobody tells me what to do…"

Then I said "turn left"

Score: 809

A dog walks into a bar The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"

Score: 670

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break? He got fired for sleeping on the job.

Score: 643

New Job Jokes

Just got the job at the old McDonald farm... I'm now the CIEIO

Score: 141

I really hate my job as a waiter But it puts food on the table

Score: 124

I’ve been searching for two years to find my wife’s killer So far, nobody will take the job.

Score: 159

“My wife’s identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job” I said to my friend

He asked “ do you know how to tell them apart ?”

I remarked “ why should I ?”

Score: 84

A man tries for a job as a blacksmith "Do you have any experience in horseshoeing?"

"No, but I once told a donkey to f**k off."

Score: 168

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning. Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

Score: 226

I'd kill to be a mortician That way I'd always have a job

Score: 119

A man applies for a job as a police officer. The officer says: Alright, one more thing. Take this gun and go shoot 7 black men and a squirrel.

The man replies: Why the squirrel?

The officer says: I love your attitude, you got the job!

Score: 159

Why did the girl get the waitress job? You could say she brings a lot to the table....

Score: 129

I quit my job working at a helium factory I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Score: 84

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing things at his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there

Score: 398

I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women’s rights doesn’t belong in the fiction section.

Score: 504

Did you hear about the lady that got fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job.

Score: 75

I went for a job interview at EA Games today. The interviewer said to me, “The second part of your resume is missing.”

I said, “For the second part, you have to pay $20.”

Score: 319

I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job... ...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.

Score: 290

Subway is a lot like prostitution. You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.

Score: 187

I was in a taxi and the driver said “I love my job. I’m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!” I said “That’s really great, now take a left here.”

Score: 105

I want a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I could see myself doing.

Score: 98

Why does Santa have the best job in the world? He knows where all the naughty girls live

Score: 80

When Trump announced job creations... I didn't think it was for the same position over and over again.

Score: 598

Dad! Are you stealing? I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Score: 179

I had a job as a can crusher but I had to quit That job was just soda-pressing

Score: 179

I was in a taxi today and the driver said "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do." Then I said "Turn left"

Score: 212

What is the difference between 9/11 and a professional gardener? One is an outside job

Score: 447

I just got fired from my job at the Pepsi factory... I tested positive for Coke.

Score: 76

I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today... I left without making a scene.

Score: 254

“Wonder Woman” earned $300 million worldwide in first week. "Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

Score: 408

I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food. On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.

Score: 120

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job? Because it's always getting baked.

Score: 85

My friend is quitting his job at the erectile dysfunction clinic... He hasn't gotten a raise in years.

Score: 145

I lost 40 pounds in a day; but I also lost my babysitting job.

Score: 397

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man But I was fired from my job as a bus driver

Score: 100

What do you call a scarecrow who's really good at his job? Outstanding in his field.

Score: 60

I want to start an interior design company, I'm going to call it 9/11 because it's an inside job.

Score: 86

Today I learnt a school of piranhas will rip every inch of flesh of a child's body in under a minute.
Today I also lost my job at the aquarium.

Score: 101

I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.

Score: 102

I finally got my job as a Samsung store guard. Now I'm the Guardian of the Galaxies.

Score: 65

Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house

Score: 464

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Cuz it was soda pressing.

I'm so sorry everyone

Score: 92

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss, nobody tells me what to do." Then I said, "Turn left here."

Score: 187

I asked my mate if he could get me a job at the tampon factory where he works. “There’s no openings at the moment,” he said, “but I’ll see if I can pull some strings.”

Score: 81

I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook… "Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

Score: 202

Video games let you live out your wildest fantasies. For example sims gives you the chance to have a stable job and own your own home

Score: 386

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person I was also fired from my job as a bus driver..

Edit: Thank you for the gold u/H4hack !

Score: 514

I went in for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who can be responsible"... "Well I'm your guy!" I replied,

"At my old job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Score: 135

I strip wire for a living It's not a glamorous job, but at least I can make ends meet

Score: 442

I had a job selling security alarms door to door and I was really good at it. If no one was home I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Score: 274

Why was the man who crushed recycled pop cans for a living sad with his life? Because his job was soda pressing.

Score: 89

You think YOU have a meaningless job? Think about the guy who makes turn signals at the BMW factory.

Score: 95

Riding with Uber earlier.. The driver said,

"I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."

Then I said, "Turn Left.

Score: 155

I gave up my seat for a blind man on the bus today That's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 234

I have a job helping a one armed man type capitals. It's shift work.

Score: 71

I had a job interview yesterday, I poured myself a glass of water and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%."

Score: 234

After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Score: 449

I had a job interview today. I was offered the job and told the salary was £7.50 an hour for the first three months and would then go up to £15 an hour.

The guy asked me when I could start.

I replied "In three months."

Score: 282

A black guy walks into a convenience store... And says, "I'm looking for a job."

The store owner replies, "You're in luck! We have an open position that pays $100,000 per a month!"

The black guy says, "You're joking."

The store owner says, "Well, you started it."

Score: 160

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

Score: 77

After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number...

Score: 150

Why did I quit my job in Mexico? It didn't peso well.

Score: 124

What's the difference between my job and a dead hooker? My job still sucks

Score: 184