Hilarious Johnny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Johnny Jokes

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it. Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Score: 15785

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

Score: 15782

What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity? She grounded him.

Score: 926

Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.

Johnny said with confidence "the desk".

Score: 151

Johnny: Will you marry me? Johnny: Will you marry me?
Jenny: You have to ask my father first.
Johnny: (later) Well, I asked him.
Jenny: And what did he say?
Johnny: He said he’s already married.

Score: 144

Score: 132

Johnny threw a pack of cards at Jenny Jenny started crying but the teacher told her to deal with it

Score: 132

I asked little Johnny why he started doing so well in math after we sent him to the Christian school. He said he didn't want to end up like the guy they nailed to the plus sign.

Score: 124

Little Johnny is back In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".

Little Johnny threw his bag outside.

Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"

Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"

Score: 123

I wish Johnny Rockets would stop claiming to be an authentic 40s diner... ... I see black people eating there All the time.

Score: 121

Use 'discount' in a sentence. Teacher: Johnny, please use "discount" in a sentence.

Johnny: Yes ma'am, "Does discount as a sentence?"

Score: 97

Little Johnny's teacher asks "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe!"

Score: 64

Ruth and Johnny Ruth and Johnny, side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump, Ruth hit a tree, Johnny kept going Ruthlessly.

Score: 57

Math class Teacher asks Johnny:

"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"

"An orgy?"

Edited: names spelling, grammar.

Score: 51

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it. Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Score: 47

Little Johnny's Game Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Score: 46

Why did Johnny fail his programming class? His mom kept telling him to do his homework, "No ifs, ands, or buts!"

Score: 43

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

Johnny? What is the chemical formula for water? The teacher ask. Johnny: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O

Teacher : Well, no! Where did you get that from?

Johnny: Yesterday you said it was H to O

Score: 36

A woman showed up at my house today She said ”Tell your son to stop copying me!”

”Johnny! Stop acting like an idiot!” I shouted to my son

Score: 31

Johnny's mother called his father at work... "Johnny just swallowed a nickle and spit up two dimes, what do I do??"

"Keep feeding him nickles!"

Score: 28

How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base? I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.

Score: 27

So Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are to separate after 13 years together. I wonder who will get custody of Johnny Depp.

Score: 25

20 Years Ago... 20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

And now, we have no jobs, no cash, and no hope

Score: 24

Little Johnny: "Grandma, make a sound like a Frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

Score: 22

Little Johnny: Mommy, what's a transsexual? Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.

Score: 22

Little Johnny and His Baby Sister Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day.

Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from.

"From Heaven," replied his mom.

"Well, I can see why they threw her out!"

Score: 22

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die !

Score: 21

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, Mom, can little girls have babies?” “No, of course not” she said. Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

Score: 21

See your report card Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

Score: 20

what do you call Johnny Cash's millennial grandson Johnny Bitcoin

Score: 18

On the Bus Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on Daddy's lap."

Score: 16

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Score: 15

School! Johnny's teacher asked him "if you had 15 jellybeans and Susie asked you for five , how many would you have left ?"

Johnny replied, "15"

Score: 14

Q & A Teacher: First one to answer the next question gets to leave early.
(Johnny immediately threw his bag out the window)
Teacher: Who threw that bag?
Johnny: I did! Bye guys!

Score: 12

Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

Score: 10

Little Johnny calls for his mom "MOM! MOM!"

"What is it Johnny?"

"Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics?"

"No, why?"

"She's outside, under a bus"

Score: 10

Five year old Little Johnny was lost.. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

Score: 9

What's in between moms legs dad, said Johnny. Ahh..... its heaven son, said the father.

And in between yours father?

The key to heaven son.

Well... said Johnny. You should replace your key cause the neighbor has one.

Score: 8

Little Johnny raises his hand in class… "Teacher!"

"Yes, Johnny."

"Would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not!"

"Good! Because I *didn't* do my homework!"

Score: 8

New Johnny Jokes

Johnny was a chemist, a chemist who's no more What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Score: 2

Johnny sins is going through a spiritual transformation... His new name is Johnny Repents

Score: 0

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny raised hand. and replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Score: 5

Teacher asks the class, can anyone tell me me where Africa is? Little Johnny straight up wit his hand, Teacher, where is it then Johnny? He replied I don't know exactly but I know it cant be far. All the black kids go home for lunch.

Score: 2

Little Johnny goes up to Dad… … and asks "Dad, what is a transsexuel person?" Dad starts grinning an says "Ask Mom, he'll explain."

Score: 3

I once watched a marathon of all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. By the end of it, I was stuck in a Johnny Deppression.

Score: 1

Little Johnny asks his Dad to take him to the circus... Dad: Don't be silly Little Johnny. No need to go to the circus when people can come here to see you

Score: 1

Little Johnny does poetry. One day in English class, Little Johnny is asked to write a poem. He gets up in front of class and tells them "I've named this poem Old Lady's Underpants."

Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Grandma's are purple.

Score: 1

Little Johnny comes home after learning about Mendelian inheritance in genetics at school. "Mom?"

"What is it, Johnny?" replied his mom.

"Was Eve black?"

Score: 1

Little Johnny goes Trick or Treating as a pirate... ... When he gets to the house of a kind old woman, she says "Oh don't you look fierce! But tell me, where are your buccaneers?"

Johnny replies "Under my bucking hat, where else would they be?!?"

Score: 2

Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?"

Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!"

Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."

Score: 7

Johnny asks his Dad what's between his Mom's legs... His Dad replied, "Paradise."
Johnny asked, "What's between your legs Dad?"
"The Key to Paradise"
"Well Dad, you better change the lock because the neighbor has a copy of the key."

Score: 1

Little Johnny called his teacher to ask about the time difference between his city and London. "Just a minute..." his teacher replied.

"Thanks, teach!"

Score: 2

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.

"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.

"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.

Score: 4

Johnny With his father Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

Score: 7

Father Vs Arithmatic Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?

– I would have five dollars…

– You don’t know your arithmetic, Johnny…

– You don’t know my father, Mrs. Mutch…

Score: 2

Pupil: My neighbour, Mr Chang, got run over and killed by a steam roller. Teacher: Johnny! That’s awful and has nothing to do with the homework I set you. Sit down immediately! Pupil: But Miss, you said we had to talk about crushed Asians.

Score: 7

Teacher: "Alright, children, who can tell me what comes after 69? Little Johnny, how about you?" Little Johnny: "Mouthwash."

Teacher: "Get out."

Score: 2

Dandelion Teacher:"Can you make a sentence with dandelion."

Little johnny:"The cheetah is faster dandelion."

Score: 4

Teacher: "What is passive income?" Lil johnny: "Umm...it's like when a teacher collects money from students on a regular basis because if not, he's going to give them poor grades.."

Teacher: "Very good, johnny. Now listen.. not a word to anyone else..you hear me?"

Score: 1

Johnny said he doesn't want to go to school anymore. His mother tried to persuade him to go to school.

"I don't want to," said Johnny, "every kids in school hates me."

"Honey, you have to go," said his mother, "you're the principal."

Score: 5

Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday." Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"

Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer."

Friend, "But you can't die of that!"

Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we shot him."

Score: 7

What is love? Mexican food, according to Johnny Cash.

Score: 1

Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Score: 1

Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets? Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like stroking their hair...

Score: 3

What do you call an actor that scuba dives? Johnny Depth

Score: 2

there was a time when there was Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope. now there is no Cash, no Jobs, and no Hope. please dont let Kevin Bacon die.

Score: 4

Little Johnny sometimes mixed up words while speaking And one day he was facing a murderer. Little Johnny said "Police donut kill meme!"

Score: 2

Lil' Johnny got in an argument with his teacher. **Teacher**: If you act up again I'll teach you a thing or two!

**Lil' Johnny**: Great it'll double what I already know.

Score: 2

Chemical formula for water Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

Score: 2

What do you get when you cross Johnny Depp with Nicolas Cage? Johnny Cage

Score: 3

Why did little Johnny hate baseball? Every time he reaches third base, his teammates tell him to go home.

Score: 1

Little Johnny... Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Score: 3

Teacher: Johnny, can you tell me 2 pronouns? There were two boys named Johnny so one of them says: "Who? Me?"

Finally a correct answer Johnny..

Score: 4

What happened to the little johnny jokes? Post some below

;)

Score: 1