Hilarious King Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest King Jokes

I couldn’t follow the storyline of Stephen King’s “It” Too many Maine characters.

Score: 6889

King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege

king: Ok, round them up

Squire: 400 my liege

Score: 1856

Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name? Or was Snoop Lyin'?

Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.

(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)

Score: 1566

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

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When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May... ...and it is a Country.

Score: 1276

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They pushed two twins together to make a king.

Score: 1017

In America Martin Luther King only gets one day.... And sharks get a whole week.

It's probably because they are great whites.

Score: 598

Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry? Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.

Score: 383

The king asks a commoner... "Give me your daughter's hand in marriage, and I'll give you her weight in jewels."

"I will need a couple days first." - Replies the commoner

"To think it over?" asks his majesty.

"No - to fatten her up."

Score: 335

Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?? King Philip III

Score: 309

I just found a dead body in the street So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow

See how she f**king likes it !

Score: 299

Why do the Lannisters have such large beds? They put two twins together to make a king.

Score: 296

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is!

Score: 292

Why did nobody laugh when the king farted? Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

Score: 284

How do the Lanisters make large beds? They put two twins together to make a king.

Score: 255

If a king farts... Is it considered a noble gas?

Score: 254

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

Score: 222

United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.

Score: 205

A king gets murdered in his sleep... Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says "Wow, he must have had a bad knight."

Score: 195

What would Martin Luther King Jr. have been if he was white? Alive

Score: 191

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security? Sir Veillance

Score: 189

Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table? Sir Cumference

Score: 184

The wife has done nothing but stare through the f**king window since it started snowing. If it gets any worse i might have to let her in.

Score: 181

I hate it when they say, "white people can't dance"... Like Hello? We had the king of pop himself micheal Jackson.

Score: 169

Why do Lannisters have such big beds? GoT because they push twins together to make a king.

Score: 149

What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas.

Score: 149

Who build King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference

Score: 147

Why are Lannisters like beds? Push two twins together and make a king.

Score: 142

Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer. The lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy"

Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"

Score: 137

A king is building an army King: how many volunteers do we have for the army?

Squire: 384 my liege

King: ok, round them up

Squire: 400 my liege

Score: 125

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together and make a king!

Score: 70

I was playing chess with my Australian friend He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".

I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"

Confused he said, "mate, I know."

Score: 68

What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr day and saint pattys day Everybody wants to be irish on saint pattys day.

Score: 58

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it. Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

Score: 52

I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king" "Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.

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What was the name of the knight who built King Arthur's Round Table? Sir Cumference.

Score: 28

What does a king call his robe? His reign jacket

Score: 27

Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra And after 5 agonizing days of pain.

The cobra died

Score: 22

What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King? A *WHOPPA*!

Score: 21

New King Jokes

Hey, what was the name of that new vietnamese restaurant? - Pho King. Good food.

I know, but what was the place called?

Score: 5

Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Adolf Hitler are all running a race, who wins? Hitler, cause he’s the racist

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Who was the beefiest knight at King Arthur’s round table? Sir Loin

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What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr Day and St Patrick's Day? On St Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.

Score: 17

What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wishes they were Irish.

Score: 7

What happened when the king farted? Nothing, noble gases don't cause reactions

Score: 5

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

Score: 5

Which of King Arthur's Knights invented the round table? sir cumference

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What is similar between Jon Snow and The Night King? They have both speared a dragon.

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A kingdom is headed by a king... So what is a country run by?

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What did Donald Trump say when he matched King Jong Un on tinder? Send Nukes

Score: 9

Yo momma's so fat When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup

Score: 11

People are really sad about the news that Larry King has lung cancer while others are excited to hear he's alive.

Score: 5

Soldiers Queen: Come to bed.
King: Not until I have a name for my soldiers.
Queen: K, night.
King: Babe, you're a genius!

Score: 4

What does the Night King do in his spare time? He chills.

Score: 3

What does Michael Jackson and Burger King have in common? 50 year old meat between 8 year old buns.

Score: 3

What do you call a Spanish king in Africa? Juan man to rule Jamal.

Score: 6

Bruce Lee walks into a Burger King... and orders and WHOPPPAAAA!!!

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If King Arthur were to fight in the Crusades, where would he get desert-loving steeds? At the Camelot!

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A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source. I was charged with a Sultan battery.

Score: 14

A windmill was spotted at The Dark Tower premier this weekend. People said it was a huge Stephen King fan.

Score: 5

I'm so jealous of Martin Luther King Jr. Nobody ever wants to hear stories about my weird dreams

Score: 11

I've finally decided to never get married. The minute I met any of my girlfriends parents they hated me immediately, and I'm always extra polite, "nice to meet you, I'm Joe King."

Score: 5

Did you hear about the guy who was caught stealing Stephen King novels? He didn't get away with IT.

Score: 3

What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King? WHOPP-AHHH!!!

Score: 7

Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf. I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.

Score: 17

The villagers mourned the king and his jester after an unfortunate sewage accident. The town casts down frowns when their crown and his clown drowned in the brown.

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Queen: Come to bed, my love. King: I can't, I have to think of a name for my soldiers.

Queen: K, night.

King: ... My love, you're a genius!

Score: 3

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant? Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Score: 19

I went to a Carl's Jr. the other day and noticed it was incredibly cold inside... Turns out I was at Brrrrr-ger King.

Score: 3

Which knight at king Arthur's table was the most rotund? Sir Cumference

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A peasant had some issues with the school's teaching practices being "nonsensical". The king told him to take it up with the minstrel of education.

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What do you call a slim ruler who's considering something? Thin-king

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Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleeveies

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What did King Arthur say when asked about Lancelot's betrayal? "I don't want to talk about it, I've had a bad knight."

Bonus joke:

Why should you hire submariners?

They have experience working under pressure.

Score: 12

What do you call a stoner king? His highness.

Score: 3

Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party? The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"

Score: 5

King Arthur pulled the sword from the stone. King Arthritis on the other hand...

Score: 11

Did you know that a cow had a seat on King Arthur's roundtable? His name was Sir Loin.

Score: 5

Did you hear about the new vietnamese restaurant? Pho King Delicious.

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A king was walking in the city A king was walking in the city when he saw a man that looked exactly like him.

He went to him and asked: Did your mother work in the royal palace.

The man replied: No, but my father did.

Score: 4

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

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Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent? Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.

Score: 6

When you fly United Airlines they treat you like a King. Rodney King that is.

Score: 8

Saudi Arabia bans chess, calling it a dangerous game Because:

1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.

2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.

3. Queen is more powerful than the King.

4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.

5. And....there's only one Queen

Score: 5

What do you get when you cross King Kong and a pickle? Ron Burgundy.

Perhaps you've heard of him, he's kind of a big dill.

Score: 7

Who was the fattest knight on King Arthur's Round Table? Sir Cumference

Score: 14

All the King's Horses, and all the King's Men, couldn't put Humpty together again. But really, the horses weren't being all that helpful.

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What is the king of all school supplies? The Ruler

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Why was the ground all white after Custer's Last Stand? Because the Indians kept coming and coming and coming...
**Courtesy of Stephen King's "The Stand"

Score: 3

There's furniture items that allow SFW swearing. That's sofa king nice.

Score: 3

Who was the roundest knight at the King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference

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I just got a new doorbell that when the button is pressed has a gorilla singing about table tennis. It's called The King Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong

Score: 11

Where does a king hide his armies? in his sleevies.

Score: 8

I couldn't decide whether or not to buy this new king sized mattress I'm going to sleep on it.

Score: 5

Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.? His vision was based on movements.

Score: 10

The Lion King has a lot of Simbalism badumtss

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What did King Midas say to get peoples attention? Eh you!!

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What does The Lion King have a lot of? Simbalism

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When I was a kid I thought our family's cat looked like Timon from The Lion King so I thought he was a meerkat. Turns out he was just a mere cat.

Score: 3