Hilarious Light Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Light Jokes

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 17320

Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's" I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

Score: 16624

Score: 13963

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Does it have to be a group activity?

Score: 11312

Light babies are delivered by stork, heavy babies... Delivered by crane.

Score: 10641

The bartender says, “Go home. We don’t serve faster-than-light-particles here.” A tachyon walks into a bar.

Score: 10622

If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

Score: 7838

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

Score: 7437

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb? All of them. Never split the party.

Score: 7057

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 6628

What's blue and doesn't weigh much? Light blue.

Edit: Unsurprisingly my worst joke has the most upvotes in my /r/jokes career

Score: 3839

How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb? One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

Score: 3265

What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They’re both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

Score: 2776

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

Edit: Wow this blew up. As a German, I didnt expect this.

Score: 2685

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Edit:
This got a lot more upvotes than i expected.

Score: 2569

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

Score: 2531

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

Score: 2487

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with …so they throw one cigarette off the boat to make the boat a cigarette lighter

Score: 2156

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

Score: 1900

What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

Score: 1820

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

Edit: Thanks for all the awesome comments. I can't keep up!

Score: 1749

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends. Thoughts and prayers.

Score: 1707

The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.

Score: 1420

A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, “Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?” The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Score: 1400

My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mom's" I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

Score: 1139

How many germans does it take to change a light bulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny.

Score: 1119

Dad joke: What's blue and doesn't weigh very much? Light blue.

Score: 1119

No matter what they say, you matter. Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy

Score: 1113

Where do naughty rays of light go? Prism

(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

Score: 1080

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

Score: 1034

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.

Score: 984

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One, because they are efficient and have no sense of humor.

Score: 762

Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.

Score: 642

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, my basement is still dark.

Score: 608

Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 531

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel... The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

Score: 509

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if it has any luggage.

The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Score: 444

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark. But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

Score: 433

Cigarettes are just like squirrels. They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

Score: 365

You Matter. Unless you multiply yourself times the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

Score: 249

New Light Jokes

Why does it take many hands to fit a lightbulb ? Because many hands make light work.
(This is my first attempt at a joke on here)

Score: 26

Black hole goes into a bar and orders a drink. Barman: "Would you like something to eat with that Sir?"

Black hole: "No thank you, I'm a light eater."

Score: 19

Why are plants so thin? They always eat light.

Score: 240

Just one, but be careful, or this could get weird How many time travelers does it take to change a light bulb?

Score: 29

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs... As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

Score: 30

2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 178

What's the difference between a red traffic light and a green traffic light? Please answer quickly, I'm almost at the intersection.

Score: 47

A photon walks into a hotel and is asked if he needs help with his luggage. The photon replies "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

Score: 22

How do we know photons are massless? They're traveling light.

Score: 22

3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do? Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

Score: 92

How do you end two deaf persons' arguing? Switch off the light.

Score: 117

In light of some recent idiotic questioning by reporters A man is interviewed after his wife was swept away in a flood. The reporter asks "Were you close with your wife?" He responds, "No, we drifted apart recently."

Score: 33

What reward does a light rain get? A precipitation trophy!

Score: 26

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? Definitely more than 6, because my basement is still dark

Score: 48

How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? One. But it takes 10 episodes to do it.

Score: 47

How many Apples does it take to change a light bulb? Two

One to change the bulb

The other to sell the iBulb for $600 and claim it's "revolutionary"

Score: 44

Why are plants so skinny? They usually have a light lunch.

Score: 208

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

Score: 135

Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman? Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her

Score: 61

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one.

But it takes a very long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.

Score: 30

Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for the night.... ...light a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Score: 26

How many tech support reps does it take to change a light bulb? I'm sorry, this isn't the right department to give you the answer to that question. Let me transfer you to another sub, hold please....

Score: 21

A quick joke The bartender said "We do not serve faster-than-light neutrinos at this bar."

A neutrino walks into a bar.

Score: 48

How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb? None.

Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.

Score: 160

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear quite bright ,until you hear them talk.

Score: 34

A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies "No I'm traveling light."

Score: 109

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, they just hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Score: 45

Why can't we see black light rays? Cause they're all in prism.

Score: 122

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing.

Score: 77

since light moves faster then sound.. People may appear bright until you hear them speak.

Score: 30

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb? Two; one to change the lightbulb and one to write a song about how good the old one was.

Score: 55

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.

Score: 98

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? One. The atheist actually changes the light bulb, rather than praying that it will be done.

Score: 19

What's the difference between light and hard? It's easy to get to sleep with a light on

Score: 34

How many saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but it takes 10 episodes to do it

Score: 21

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just start shooting the room because it's black.

Score: 19

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The glass ceiling lets enough light through.

Score: 44

Donald Trump's speeches can travel faster than the speed of light Cuz they contain no information

Score: 34

Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start." So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."

Score: 195

What’s the smallest unit of time in the known universe? The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.

Score: 76

My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge... ...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."

Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.

I got no clue what she was talking about

Score: 24

Why did the KKK member buy a night light? He was afraid of the dark.

Score: 22

A photon walks into a hotel The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

Score: 49

How many anime characters does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.

Score: 60

I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth... That's the last time I ever buy a larva lamp…

Score: 31

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? **One**

Germans are efficient & have no humor.

Score: 67

A bartender says "Hey! We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!" A tachyon flies into a bar.

Score: 61

My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.

Score: 189

If light travels faster than sound. Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?

Score: 94

A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see... The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."

The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."

The realist says: "I think I see a train!"

The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"

Score: 31

I got my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. I know it's not the greatest gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

Score: 39

Light Yagami thought he was going to die on those stairs, but then he woke up the next day... And realized it was just a Near-Death experience.

Score: 19

A photon checks into a hotel... And the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

Score: 109

Build a man a fire and you warm him for a day. Light a man on fire and you warm him for the rest of his life.

Score: 39

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? only one but it takes him 5 episodes.

Score: 37

A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."

The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!"

Score: 115

LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out... You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.

Score: 41

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb in my basement? Apparently not seven because it's still dark down there.

Score: 122

What's the main difference between light and hard? I can go to sleep with a light on

Score: 173

A man walks into a dentist's office and says "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm a moth!" The dentist says, "I think you want the psychiatrist down the hall."

And the man replies, "Yeah, but your light was on."

Score: 54