Hilarious Lunch Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Lunch Jokes

Score: 15782

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence. Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon

Score: 13103

A colon can completely change a sentence. Mary ate her friend's lunch.

Mary ate her friend's colon.

Score: 2643

Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.

Score: 2026

I know a mathematician who can't afford lunch. He can binomial.

Score: 1009

To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

Score: 649

My highschool bully still takes my lunch money... But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

Score: 575

I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course? Shlalom

Score: 468

Pakistani math problem. Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

Score: 464

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

Score: 333

My secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her blouse at lunch today when she said, "Remember, you have
a wife."

Score: 289

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?

Score: 247

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row. I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

Score: 213

Why are plants so skinny? They usually have a light lunch.

Score: 208

My girlfriend just left me because I'm too insecure. No, wait, she's back - she was just making lunch.

Score: 196

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.

I'll show myself out now

Score: 143

What happened when the cannibal was late for lunch? He was given the cold shoulder.

Score: 137

I don’t understand why people have threesomes If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d just get lunch with my parents

Score: 115

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference For example:

Sam ate his own lunch after school.

Sam ate his own colon after school.

Score: 96

My high school bully still takes my lunch money... On the plus side, he makes really good subway sandwiches

Score: 85

Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today... Me: How is school going so far?

Son: Good, I had a test.

Me: What was your test on?

Son: Paper.

Score: 83

My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag. I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want.

Score: 69

So I was teaching my brother English... I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

Score: 69

My favourite exercise is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.

Score: 66

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.

Score: 58

My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his first day at school So I punched him in the face and stole his lunch money

Score: 55

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

Score: 54

After my mother’s funeral, we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying. He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

Score: 52

Why did the banker eat lunch by himself? Because he was a loaner.

Score: 43

Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.

Score: 43

Happy Ramadan to all my brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.

Score: 43

To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money. On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.

Score: 28

Sorry I threw up on you. Next time lunch is on me.

Score: 25

What does the lunch line at the old folks home smell like? Depends.

Score: 23

Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner

Score: 16

Why did the black hole burp photons? had a light lunch

Score: 16

A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time. "May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.

Score: 15

Accidentally used my wife's electric toothbrush... I don't remember her eating fish for lunch.

Score: 15

My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I’m an undertaker.

Score: 14

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day? Because they're so full of mummies

(As told by "Jackie chan" while cooking my lunch on the hibachi grill)

Score: 13

New Lunch Jokes

Mama Toyota asked her son what he wanted for lunch Son replies "a Taco,ma."

Score: 2

What do you drink with a small lunch? A Minnesota!

Score: 4

What did the playground eat for lunch? Hot swings



Thank you. Thank you. I can't take the credit, however. This was thought of by my wife and kids while trying to come up with dad jokes on our walk last night.

Score: 0

I never have to bring lunch to work because my new job has a buffet on the table everyday! Who knew there would be so many benefits working at the morgue?

Score: 2

I had a sandwich for lunch that made me sick I think I have bologna virus.

Score: 0

What did the breakfast burrito say when it was being eaten for lunch? Hey I'm not a LUNCH burrito!

(courtesy of a 7 year old lol sorry)

Score: 3

What does a frog with sweet tooth eat for lunch? Moskittles.

Score: 1

A peasant gives a priest his sandwich, who responds by immediately throwing it into the river When the meal fails to resurface, the priest breathes a sigh of relief knowing now the peasant's lunch was just a sand.

Score: 2

Teacher asks the class, can anyone tell me me where Africa is? Little Johnny straight up wit his hand, Teacher, where is it then Johnny? He replied I don't know exactly but I know it cant be far. All the black kids go home for lunch.

Score: 2

A pirate is having lunch with Guns n Roses guitarist Slash Slash tells a story that the pirate obviously knows is fake and the pirate says “Arrr Slash, quit your bullshit”

Score: 4

Wendy and Burger King are having lunch -Are you enjoying your meal, Wendy?-

-I'm loving it.-

Score: 1

A prostitute made her son lunch for today It was hoe made

Score: 2

The stripper made her son lunch for school today It was hoe made

Score: 2

What’s a hentai’s favorite lunch meat? Pepperonii-chan

Score: 2

What did they serve for lunch at McCain's funeral? Kung P.O.W. Chicken

Score: 11

Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

Score: 6

What’s an epileptic’s favourite lunch? Seizure Salad.

Score: 2

My daughter packed a light bulb in her lunch box this morning. I asked her, "why did you put that in there?"

She replied, "I want a light snack."

Score: 11

I forgot to pack a fork with my lunch today. It was a pointless lunch.

Score: 4

What did the nuclear physicist order for lunch? Fission Chips.

Score: 2

What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner? Failure to lunch.

Score: 1

How do you stop a food truck? The Lunch brake

Score: 3

A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"? A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"?

Boyfriend says: "Eating between meals!"

Score: 2

Want to go to the strip club for lunch today? I hear they have a great spread.

Score: 7

When I was a kid I used to find sweet notes in my lunch at school But that stopped after they fired the cafeteria worker

Score: 2

What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic? Alpaca lunch.

Score: 4

Please use William Shatner in a sentence... "Becky took Williams toy, so William Shatner lunch pail."

Score: 3

Interviewer: What have you planned for the future? Me: Lunch

Interviewer: Anything, like, long term, something you've put your thought into?

Me: Oh, Mexican for dinner.

Score: 1

In today's economy what do Arts graduates bring to the table? Your lunch.

Score: 9

Did you hear about the time Donald Trump made James Comey have lunch with him? I heard it was a presidential man-date.

Score: 5

A man commented to his lunch companion A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Score: 4

Whay doesn't McCree eat at lunch buffets? It's high noon, and Justice ain't gonna serve itself.

Score: 4

Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim friends! This month, lunch is on me.

Score: 7

I asked my Latina coworker if she wanted Taco Tuesday for lunch break. She said absolutely, but let's grab food first.

Score: 2

What does a polar bear get for lunch? 30 minutes like every body else.

Score: 1

This Inuit fellow takes his snowmobile to the mechanic. He leaves the snowmobile with the mechanic and goes to lunch. When he gets back the mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal." The Inuit guy replies, "Naw, that's just a little mayonnaise."

Score: 1

NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42... NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42
Dragon steak for lunch, and Unicorn pie for dinner.

Score: 4

Why do african kids get off school earlier than american kids? they dont need a lunch break

Score: 8

If I could have lunch with anyone from history... I'd have the turkey club with a cup of the soup.

Score: 1

My girlfriend told me to get our ginger kid ready for school. So I beat him up and stole his lunch money.

Score: 7

School is like a dystopia You aren't allowed to think outside the box, you don't have the freedom of speech, and you can't gamble or have strippers come to your lunch room.

Score: 2

What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to Luke at lunch? "Use the forks Luke!"

Score: 1

Today's Lunch Special: Trump Sandwich White Bread

Full of Baloney

w/ Russian Dressing

and a Small Pickle

Score: 2

I wanted to go to Indian buffet for a lunch date with the gf... But she would have naan of it.

Score: 1

I can take myself to lunch, I can pick myself flowers, I can buy myself chocolate, I can write cute Valentine's to myself, but autofellatio is still just... outta reach

Score: 2

I would ask you out to lunch.... But you already look pretty full... :/

Score: 4

What does Kellyanne Conway eat for lunch? Alternative snacks

Score: 1

The guy who used to bully me in middle school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

Score: 2

The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break

Score: 1

I just got fired for getting beauty tips online during my lunch break! my Boss said " Madison Ivy gets a facial" is not a video on beauty tips.

Score: 2

I couldn't stop sneezing after lunch today. ...I ate a sneezer salad.

(Also this is a true story, and I said this to my office :P)

Score: 5

Had Irish 7 coarse meal for lunch today 6 pack and a baked potato. Was delicious!

Score: 11

Had an expired snack pack at lunch today... It was offpudding.

Score: 2

How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall? Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!

Score: 1

What did the proton have for lunch? Baryoni

Score: 2

An American SJW takes a trip to the United Kingdom. While standing in line for lunch one day, she hears a man behind her being called, "black."

She quickly turns around and says "no, don't say that. He's African American."

Score: 1

Where do cats eat their lunch? At the Cat-feteria!

Score: 1

What did the lama say when he was planning a picnic? Alpaca lunch.

Score: 3

What did the marine eat for lunch? Semper fries

Score: 2