Hilarious Magic Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Magic Jokes

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”

Score: 17878

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them? Because they don't have access to black magic.

Score: 11880

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!" Tom: [raises his mug] ok, get rid of my tea

Genie: poof

om: it didn't work

Score: 11817

Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes Genie: what will be your first wish?

Dave: I want to be rich

Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?

Rich: I want a lot of money

Score: 5836

If the Ku Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them? Because they don't have access to black magic.

Score: 1261

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

Score: 991

A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree.. Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.

Score: 963

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show. He counted:

“Uno...”

“Dos...”

And disappeared without a trace.

Score: 713

I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me... Outlook not so good.

Score: 416

I got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like... this gun is magic!!!

Score: 252

Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!

Score: 210

What do you call a magician without the magic? Ian

Score: 196

Score: 150

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

Score: 137

Did you know that drinking the fluid in a magic 8-ball will let you see the future? I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.

Score: 109

What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador

Score: 98

What do you call a dog who does magic tricks? A labracadabrador

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What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.

Score: 79

A Mexican performs a magic trick. He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!

Score: 74

Hey, Magic 8-Ball. Why can't I check my work email? "Outlook not so good."

Score: 73

Did you know that if you drink the fluid in a Magic 8 Ball, you can see the future? My friend Todd tried it. He said he was going to die, and then he did.

Score: 69

Did you know that if you drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8 Ball, you can see the future? My friend Keith did once and he said he was gonna die- and he did!

Score: 67

If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 ball You can see the future. My brother did and immediately looked at me, said he was going to die, and then he died

Score: 67

What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic? A Juand

Score: 65

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “No! Wait! I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"

Score: 57

If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 Ball you can tell the future.. My friend Keith did it once and then said he was gonna die, and he did

Score: 55

A Spanish magician is at a party He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.

He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 54

My dog can do magic tricks... He's an Abracadabrador.

Score: 54

I have a magic act where I make cocaine and marijuana disappear It's all smoke and mirrors

Score: 52

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.

Score: 51

A Mexican magician said he was going to do a magic trick. "Uno, dos..." *poof* he disappeared without a tres.

Score: 43

The dating scene at Hogwarts must really suck. Since every girl there has a magic wand, they don't really need the boys at all.

Score: 41

What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A Labracadabrador.

Score: 35

What type of dog is best at magic? A labracadabrador

Score: 27

The magic word Daughter: Dad, do I get a new Iphone?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Daughter: Larissa!
Dad: Larissa??
Daughter: yes, your affair!
Dad: Do you want a cover with your Iphone too?

Score: 25

I've only seen ‪Magic Mike‬, can I see ‪Magic Mike XXL... ...or do I need to see the other 28 in between first?

Score: 22

What does a southern belle playing Magic the Gathering say when her opponent disrupts her mana production? My lands!

Score: 22

Why does the KKK wear those pointy hats? White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.

Score: 11

I saw a magic tractor this morning It was driving down the road, then it turned into a field.

Score: 10

What kind of magic does a vegan wizard use? Soycery

Score: 10

New Magic Jokes

I saw my Indian neighbor shake out his rug So, friendly as I am, I got the jump cables and offered to help him start it.

And if that doesn't work, bring it to my garage, I can get anything to run. You could almost say, I have a magic car pit.

Score: 2

What do you call a magician’s bush? A magic carpet

Score: 4

How does Earvin Johnson, not have aids?! IT’S “MAGIC” BABY!!

Score: 1

A man stumbles on a magic lamp And falls into a canyon.

Score: 0

I’ve been working on a new trick for my magic act where I get rock hard without the audience realizing it. It’s called missed erection

Score: 6

I do a magic show making weed and cocaine disappear It's all just smoke and mirrors

Score: 2

What did the British man say when he opened up the magic lamp? There’s a lad in there.

Score: 5

i’m a one man act in an incredible magic show involving marijuana and cocaine... ...it’s all smoke and mirrors :)

Score: 3

What’s the difference between a magic show and the FBI’s Epstein investigation? The FBI really CAN make things disappear

Score: 1

I liked the live-action Aladdin! It had a modern style with cool music, a stylish palace, an updated magic carpet, a new genie, a new lamp, a modern princess, and even a fresh prince! 👈👈😁

Score: 2

My Dad learnt this new magic trick He showed me that he can turn a 6 pack of beer into domestic violence

Score: 4

Magic Johnson has made it nearly 3 decades with HIV But he couldn’t survive 1 year with LeBron

Score: 5

Magic Johnson resigned from the Lakers. Which team is he gonna go to next? I've heard the Wizards could use some Magic.

Score: 2

Trump supporters outta know by now that they are never going to get a wall... but they may get a magic Stone that turns into a Rat.

Score: 0

Magic Johnson walks into the mirror portion of a fun house... Visual Aids.

Score: 2

My ex girlfriend was very good at magic She kept making my money disappear

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St Patrick wore green a lot, talked to snakes, and used magic . . . He was a Slytherin, right?

Score: 1

Why does Magic Johnson love the life he lives? Because he went from Negative to Positive.

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What do dads use to disappear? Black Magic

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When I was little my dad always did this one magic trick. He turned a bottle of bourbon into domestic violence

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My pickup lines work like magic. I say them and poof! They disappear!

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I learned an evil magic spell to make readers feel great despair with only 3 words. Awkward childhood memories.

Score: 5

My dad had this great magic trick he’d show us every night He’d turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence

Score: 5

Why does Aladdin travel on a magic carpet? He's on the no fly list.

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I saw a magic tractor today I was following it down the road and it turned into a field.

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[Day 31] Finally i mastered the time-reversing magic [Day 30] i may have a problem here

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My friend said that if you drink the fluid from a magic eight ball you could tell the future..... He said that he was going to die, he died

Score: 5

Wanna see a magic trick? Post you social security number in the comments below and I will make the funds in your bank account disappear!

Score: 1

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus, "Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

Score: 4

I once had a magic rock I once had a magic rock. It was magic because it could draw on cars. My father did not like my magic rock

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What do you call a dog that can make magic tricks? A labracadabrador

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Why do priests hate magic? They hate seeing an invisible power that works.

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What do you call an illusionist from Mexico? A magic Juan.

Score: 5

I just came back from the doctors and he had a magic scale that guesses your name But it got it wrong my name isn't "Max"

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What did the terrible fat Magician say to the audience? I may not know any magic but I do have a few Twix up my sleeve.

Score: 6

The way I make magic in the bedroom is... ... with a deck of cards.

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Have you heard about the magic tractor? It was going down a road and turned into a field.

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What has one horn and isn't magic? A dead unicorn.

Score: 6

I just saw a magic tractor. It drove down the road then turned into a field.

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If I tell you I have to kill you A man goes with his wife to a magic show, after the magician preform an amazing trick the man shout "Bravo! Please tell him how you did it" the magician answer "if I tell you I have to kill you"
So the man said "so tell my wife".

Score: 6

What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum

Score: 1

I just saw a Chinese magic show The magician was named Fu Ling Yu and his female assistance was called Han Mi Dat. Great stuff.

Score: 7

So Magic Johnson is now the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers... And apparently it was out of line for me to ask if he is running it on his own or if he has aids.

Score: 1

What do you call a prostitute who's been split by dark magic ? Whorecrux

Score: 1

I got jailed when I performed a magic trick. Apparently, when I make the kids disappear, I also have to make them reappear.

Score: 5

What do you call a magic car? A Lambor-genie!

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You are just like Magic Johnson. But without the basketball skills or the height or actually being anything like him, you just have AIDS.

Score: 1

Why is Mike Pence magic? He can turn fruits to vegetables

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This might be a bit rascist: What do you call an African American Houdini? Black Magic

Score: 5

I asked my mother to get me a coke "What's the magic word?" She asked
"Retirement home"

Score: 2

How does a psychic cokehead tell the future? With a magic 8-ball

Score: 4

A Japanese magician does a disappearing trick A Japanese magician does a disappearing act with his son.

They come up to the stage and the Japanese magician begins the magic trick, counting down,
Ichi, ni... And Poof he disappeared along with his san

Score: 2

I need help. My roomate has started to talk alone and say he has a magic invisible motorcycle. I was worried and I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn't listen. How can I convince him to wear a helmet?

Score: 2

My mom comes up to me and says "I'm can do a magic trick" I go, "Really? What's you magic trick?"

and my mom says she can turn a dishwasher into a snow blower.

"I can't wait to see this!" I said

So she hands me a shovel.

Score: 3