Hilarious Manager Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Manager Jokes

Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete? She wanted to see the task manager.

Score: 15928

My first day as a car salesman... Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 6350

My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA... The manager says “Welcome! Come in and make a seat.”

Score: 1884

I went for a job interview today and the manager said,"We're looking for someone who is responsible" ..."Well I'm your man" I replied,"In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"

Score: 1045

[first day as a car salesman] Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 922

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Score: 711

My first day as car salesman Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 468

Jack and Jill work together in an office... Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

Score: 453

A Store Manager asked me to move a Kia that was blocking an exit... I told him, "I would, but that's not my Forte."

Score: 441

Score: 309

A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”

Score: 179

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard? Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

Score: 155

Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office

Score: 149

A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash... Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"

HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

Score: 140

I went in for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who can be responsible"... "Well I'm your guy!" I replied,

"At my old job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Score: 135

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got a promotion? Now he's a branch manager.

Score: 106

Why did Karen push CTRL + ALT + DELETE? She wanted the Task Manager.

Score: 94

I was being trained as a caller in a suicide prevention hotline... ...On my first day of training, my manager said;

"Let me show you the ropes!"

Score: 86

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ? Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

Score: 83

Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages... Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''

Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''

Score: 67

Guy walks into a gym He asks the manager which machine he could use that would attract the most women.

The manager points to the ATM.

Edit:formatting

Score: 66

A blonde strolls into her new office job at 10:30 The manager comes up to her and says, "you should have been here at nine o'clock," to which the blonde responds "why what happened?"

Score: 66

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light! He's my super visor

Score: 59

I bought this white noise generator to help me sleep better But it kept waking me last night by shouting "all lives matter" and asking to speak to my manager.

Score: 49

Yale educated The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.

"Yale," replied the lad.

"And what's your name?" barked the manager.

"Yim Yohnston," he replied.

Score: 44

The human cannonball informs the circus manager that he plans to retire at the end of season. The distraught manager protests "Where am I going to find another employee of your caliber?"

Score: 39

A beach ball was $50 So I asked the manager, "Why is this so expensive?"
The manager replied, "Inflation"

Score: 37

Why wouldn't Hillary Clinton let Bill be her IT manager? She was too worried how often the servers would go down on him.

Score: 35

A Frenchman staying at a hotel in England calls room service and asks for some pepper... "What kind of pepper would you like, sir? Black pepper, white pepper, red pepper?" asked the manager.

He replied, "Toilette pepper!"

Score: 35

The lights at the Chinese restaurant were too bright... ... so the manager had to dim sum

Score: 33

At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas. I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager.

Score: 31

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke. It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

Score: 24

When talking to the hiring manager, she said... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

Score: 22

A Restaurent Manager is Interviewing a Potential Employee, and He Asks Why She'd Be a Good Waitress... She responds with this: "Well, I guess you could say I bring a lot to the table."

Score: 15

I slept with a bank manager and got financial aids

Score: 14

Why did the Olive Garden manager get locked out of the restaurant? He had Gnocchi

Score: 12

I went to the local gym. And asked the manager which one of these machines should I work out on to attract me a woman the fastest.

He pointed over at the ATM!

Score: 7

Manager : So do you think you'd be a good waiter? Me : well, you could say I bring a lot to the table.

Score: 6

A man returns to the music shop with his new guitar He goes up to the manager and complains "How could you sell this to me?"

The manager responds "What's the problem? We sold you a guitar, no strings attached!"

Score: 6

I peed in the shower once The manager of Home Depot kicked me out

Score: 6

New Manager Jokes

A blind man walks into Walmart He immediately starts swinging his guide dog over his head. The manager runs up to him and says “Sir. Is there something we can help you with?!?!”

The man says “Nah, just taking a look around”

Score: 1

Why did Karen angrily pressed crtl+alt+delete on her keyboard? She demanded to see the task manager right away.

Score: 0

Man: *walks into a lazy-boy recliner outlet with a valid certificate for “any single chair the possessor desires in exchange for one, ‘sit-down’ conversation[,]” and politely shows the manager.* Manager: “take a seat...”

Score: 0

Why did the manager kill himself? Because he stopped Karen about life.

Score: 0

It took a pandemic for the corporate world to realize that most of their meetings and conferences are non-essential. Manager 0 Employee 1

Score: 1

My manager never wants me to go home... So I promised her if she let me go home I’d come back tomorrow.

Score: 1

I came into work late and my manager said "you're late!" I said, "no, i'm early for tomorrow."

Score: 4

The assistant manager of Burger King and my Aunt Helen, amirite?! Ugh, nobody gets my references.

Score: 2

I visited my insurance company's office today and they were really nice to me, All I did was look at their snazzy printer, and the manager there told me, "Fine print."

Score: 2

A manager was telling his Spanish waiter to put the cutlery on the trays. The waiter didn’t understand so the manager, becoming frustrated said “ON THOSE TRAYS” The waiter replied “no no no it’s uno dos tres”

Score: 5

You walk in to meet the manager for a new job. He says “Take a seat” Congratulations you’ve got yourself a free chair

Score: 1

Steven Gerrard is appointed as the Rangers manager A Rangers spokesman said, "We were looking for someone with previous experience at stopping Brendan Rodgers from winning the league."

Score: 1

An MBA graduate lost his mind and used to go climb a tree at 9 am everyday and sit on a branch until 5pm. He thought of himself as a branch manager.

Score: 1

There was an employment advertisement in an office. There was an employment advertisement in an office.

So a guy went there.

Manager asked him: "Do you know what is the meaning of Ph.D.?"

The guy answered: "Passed High school with Difficulties."

Score: 1

Service Manager: You are all set for an oil change and an inspection, and there is no recall listed. Customer: Too bad. I had an aunt with dementia who had the same problem.
Service Manger: Problem? What problem?
Customer: No recall.

Score: 2

What did they call the district manager with epilepsy? Carpe DM

Score: 1

Our complaint department manager is Helen Waite. So if you have a complaint go to Helen Waite.

Score: 4

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary and he shouted at him... Boss - "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager - "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Score: 6

The store I work at received a bunch of baseball caps with Pikachu on them. My manager held one up and said, "You know what would happen if you put this on?" "You'd look like an Ash hat!"

Score: 1

The President's son, son-in-law, campaign manager, and a Russian lawyer walk into a bar… finish that one for me, will ya

Score: 5

A guy walks into an Indian Restaurant. He talks to the waiter. He then walks out. The manager asks the waiter, "why did that man leave?"

The waiter says, "he asked what kind of bread we have and I told him we have Naan.

Score: 3

A blonde walks into a store... And asks if they sell curtains for her computer.
The manager asks, "Why do you need curtains for a computer?"
The blonde replied, "Because my computer has Windows."

Score: 1

What's a manager's favourite type of tile? Versatile.

Score: 6

Trump walks into a cafe with a group while he's on the phone. The manager takes their order and everyone has a coffee except for Trump who says "I'm just here for the company." He puts his phone away and says to the manager. "I just bought your company."

Score: 1

What did Pink Floyd say when their manager tried to bring in a decorator for the studio? We don't need no renovation.

Score: 2

The zoo manager asks the vet over the phone "What can we give to our elephant if it has diarrhea?"

"Space. A lot of space" answered the vet

Score: 3

When did we start saying "line manager" And stop saying "coke dealer"?

Score: 2

A beautiful girl who was staying in the hotel, puts her finger on hotel manager's lips Manager smiles, kisses each finger one by one..

Girl: U liked it ?

Manager: Oh yeah !!

Girl: Now go and tell your boss that there is no tissue in the toilet !!

Score: 2

When I'm a hiring manager and I receive a pile of CVs I throw half of the pile in the trash. I don't want unlucky people working in my department.

Score: 3

E.T. became a very successful property manager. His slogan was... "E.T. own home."

Score: 1

A blonde loses her checkbook... When she reports this to her bank manager, he scolds her, "you need to be careful. Someone can forge your signature and steal your money!"

She assures him, "nah, I signed all my checks, so there's no space to forge my checks"

Score: 2

Robbery Yesterday, a Walmart manager was robbed outside of a gas station. Robbers took $19.95 of his money

Score: 1

Why did the Sultan leave his job at Mattress City? He was already a manager at Ottoman Empire

Score: 2

Ronaldo hits his head and is injured. Manager shouts 'support his head' quick! The fans chant 'Ronaldo's head! Ronaldo's head!'

Manager shouts 'Call him an ambulance!'

The fans chant 'Ronaldo's an ambulance! Ronaldo's an ambulance!'

Score: 1

Why did the Strip club manager reject a retired Fireman's job application? Becuase he'd fire hoes.

Score: 2

A dyslexic boy walks into a toy store and asks for a "satr wars atcion figuer"... The manager tells him that dyslexia does not cause you to talk in misspelled words and took the boy to hospital where he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.

Score: 4

Sam Allardyce is a disgrace and needs to be punished, humiliated and made an example of... Therefore he should continue as England Manager

Score: 3

Difference between a worker, manager, and a CEO Worker: A baby takes 9 months

Manager: 9 women can birth a baby in a month

CEO: Imagine a baby, I mean like really picture it like it's there and it will be there

Score: 2

Did you hear ab the cat who climbed the tree outside the bank? They made him branch manager

Score: 2

What do you call an Armenian in a tree? Branch manager

Score: 2