Massage Jokes

Contents

Funniest Massage Jokes

I got a massage last week... and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

Score: 919
Funny Massage Jokes
Score: 640

I'm going to make an all male massage parlor. I'll call it The Massagynist

Score: 130

I just got fired from my job as a massage therapist My boss said I rub people the wrong way

Score: 106

I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way

Score: 50

I was getting a massage and I asked the masseuse if it was normal for a man to get an erection He replied that it was. So I asked if he could get it out of my face.

Score: 49

I asked my masseuse if it was unusual to get an erection during a massage... the masseuse replied, "not at all it happens all the time."
So i said, "well do you mind keeping it out of my face."

Score: 46

What do you call a sexist masseuse? A massage-ynist.

Score: 35

I had to quit the massage business. I kept rubbing people the wrong way.

Score: 34

How do you agitate an achy feminist runner? massage a knee

Score: 29

I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.

Score: 25

A girl gets fired from her job with a Vegas outcall massage service Seems she rubbed too many guys the wrong way.

Score: 13

What do you call someone who only massages men? A massage'nist.

Score: 11

I can't stand those 'happy ending' massage parlors Those places just rub me the wrong way

Score: 11

I don't like the massage therapist that moved in next door. He just rubs me the wrong way.

Score: 9

I went to a German massage parlour earlier Whole experience was pretty hans on

Score: 9

How did the massage therapist lose all of his customers? He rubbed them all the wrong way

Score: 8

Guy goes to get a massage for the first time. What is he happy about? All the things he didn't know he kneaded.

Score: 8

What did Sting get in Amsterdam? A massage in a brothel

Score: 7

What do you call a happy ending at a Jewish massage parlor? Free.

Score: 7

Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors. But sometimes they come in handy.

Score: 7

My massage therapist got fired... I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way.

Score: 7

I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day. Apparently the prostate isn't considered "deep tissue."

Score: 6

I just fired my massage therapist she rubbed me the wrong way

Score: 6

I went to an Asian massage place... And when my masseuse came in, I realized it was avril lavigne. So much for my happy ending.

Score: 6

Why was Disney's massage parlor so successful? All of their customers got happy endings.

Score: 5

I have the best proctologist. He's able to massage my shoulders and check my prostate at the same time.

Score: 5

Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils. They're a massage in a bottle

Score: 5

My hot dislexic co-worker said she had an important massage to give me in her office... When I got there, she told me it can wait until I put on some clothes.

Score: 5

Why did they call the masseuse sexist? He was massage-anistic..

Score: 5

My ex was massage therapist before we broke up and I don't know why everytime I see her. But she just rubs me the wrong way.

Score: 5

What do you call a physical therapist who believes men are superior? A massage-inist

Score: 4

When I was a kid I kept asking my friend why he always got a massage chair and he never answered me. I recently found out he died having a seizure. Now I'll never know.

Score: 3

I don’t think I’m going to go back to my massage therapist. He just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

Score: 3

What does a massage therapist have for dinner...? SPA-ghetti!

Score: 3

I was going to ask my friend if he wanted a massage, But I didn't want to rub him the wrong way.

Score: 3

What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis? Massage a knee.

Score: 2

I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week... She said, “Ah, oui monsieur?”

I said, “Well, yes, I guess he was.”

Score: 2

I went to college to get a degree in massage therapy Because I want to be a misogynist.

Score: 2

What you you call it when you massage a genie? Massageine
(Edit the title is supposed to say what DO you call it when you massage a genie.)

Score: 2

Popular Topics

New Massage Jokes

Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots got busted for soliciting prostitution at a massage parlor in Florida. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though, i heard it had a happy ending.

Score: 1

Had a massage today, but I didn't like it. They rubbed me the wrong way.

Score: 1

What do you call a sexist masseuse? A *massage*nist

Score: 2

I want to invest in massage parlors I've heard that their turnover rate is pretty high.

Score: 2

What did the Jamaican war hero amputee say to the massage therapist when asked where he wanted to be massaged? DA FEET IS NADDA OPTION!!

Score: 1

A millionaire asks a socialite... If she would sleep with him for a million dollars.

"Tempting" she says "but tell me, would you pay the same for a foot massage?"

"Do you take me for a fool?"

"That much is clear to me, I just need to know the degree."

Score: 1

I had the worst first day of work ever today! ... looking back, maybe I should have noticed something was sketchy about the job posting... "Now hiring at county jai. Position available: Massage Therapist... Space not provided."

Score: 1

Popular Topics