Hilarious Mathematician Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Mathematician Jokes

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He would stop at nothing to avoid them

Score: 3042

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...and his wife is livid.

“You SWORE that you’d be home by 11:45!”

"No," slurs the mathematician...

“I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Score: 1928

A mathematician couldn't remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2. But he knew it was <3.

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Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

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Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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If Hermione was a mathematician what would her kids be named? Hermitwo and Hermithree.

Score: 526

A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

Score: 292

A mathematician arrived home drunk at 3AM. His wife was waiting for him.

"You said you'd be back by 11:45!" she screamed.

The mathematician replied, "No, I said I'd be back at a quarter of 12."

Score: 285

Did you hear about the mathematician who was scared of negative numbers? He'd stop at nothing to avoid them...

Score: 207

A mathematician walks home drunk at 3.am and his wife is fuming. “You SWORE that you’d be home by 11:45!” "No," slurs the mathematician... “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Score: 195

Never trust a mathematician with a graph. They're always plotting something.

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Ever hear of the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers? He stopped at nothing to avoid them.

Score: 118

How did the underage mathematician get drunk? He put his root beer in a square glass

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A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...And his wife is livid.
“You SWORE that you’d be home by 11:45!
“No,” slurs the mathematician...
“I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Score: 108

Why was the mathematician late for work? He took the rhombus.

Score: 106

How does a mathematician solve their constipation? They work it out with a pencil

Score: 80

What does a mermaid mathematician wear? An algae bra!

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How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem? He worked it out with a pencil.

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Do you know about mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Score: 51

Three mathematicians go hunting. As they are out hunting, they see a bird. The numerical analyst fires, but misses to the left. The applied mathematician fires and misses to the right. The statistician shouts out, "We hit it!"

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2 people walk into a building... and 3 come out. A logistician says "There must have already been a person in the building". A biologist says "They must have reproduced", and a mathematician says "There are now negative one people in the building"

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What did the constipated mathematician do? He worked it out with a pencil.

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Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them

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A Mathematician went to the doctors because he kept seeing √-1 Apparently it was all imaginary

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What do you call a Dothraki mathematician? A Khal culator.

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What do you call a former stripper turned mathematician? The thot that counts.

Score: 42

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them

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A mathematician tries to go to the beach... A mathematician tried to go to the beach to get a tan, but he couldn't find it cos there were no sines.

Score: 41

What do you call a prostitute mathematician? A thot that counts

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A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician are out hunting When they spot a deer. The mathemician shoots five feet to the left and misses. The physicist shoots five feet to the right and misses. The statistician yells, "We got em!"

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A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m... ..and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies calmly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Score: 35

What is a mathematician's favorite thing to find in the woods? A log.

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How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart? When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes.

Score: 22

What do you call a mathematician at the beach? A tan gent.

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How did the mathematician kill himself? Hung himself with a hypotenoose

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How does a mathematician deal with constipation? They get a pencil and work it out.

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How does a Mathematician hang them selves? With a hypotenuse.

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How do you help a mathematician buy a new car? Cosine

Score: 17

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a number 2 pencil.

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New Mathematician Jokes

What's a mathematician's favorite candy bar? *N* Musketeers, where *N* = 3!

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Did you here about the mathematician who had a problem of constipation? He worked it out with a pencil

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Did you hear about the mathematician with a urinary tract infection? He had to work it out with a #1 pencil

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What do you call a very promiscuous mathematician? The thot that counts.

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A mathematician starts to get dangerously underweight, so he goes to the dietitian. The dietitian diagnoses him with anorexia and tells him to try to eat three square meals a day.

Well, now he's dangerously overweight.

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My wife is a mathematician. I got her a calculator as an anniversary gift but she didn’t like it. It’s the thot that counts.

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Balderick walks into a bar... He manages to pull a Nigerian mathematician, and while they are talking he keeps getting confused and calling her ‘Black adder’

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A mathematician, a scientist, and an economist walk past a field of cows. The mathematician says "Those cows are brown on this side."

The scientist says "Those are brown cows."

The economist wrinkles his brow, nods, and says "All cows are brown."

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Why did the mathematician take so long to take a selfie? He couldn’t figure out acute angle.

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Why was the mathematician arrested at the bar? He was caught drinking and deriving.

Score: 16

What is... A mathematician’s favorite song?
“Sines” (Sine, sine, everywhere a sine! Don’t do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sine?)

What about a baker?
“Sweet Emulsion”

Okay. Now a chemist?
“Can I Get a Litmus?”

Lastly, a genealogist?
“Rock of Ages”

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Did you hear of the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

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Why did the mathematician lay adjacent to the hippopotamus? Cos

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What would a mathematician name his gentlemen's club? Möbius strip club.

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Pythagoras Pythagoras wasn't a mathematician, he was a sinetist.

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Why is it so hard to be friends with a Mathematician? They act like they always have something to prove.

Score: 5

What did the mathematician do when he had constipation? He worked it out with a pencil.

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What is a mathematician's favorite drug? LCD

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What do you call a mathematician who never tells the truth? A straight outlier.

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How does a mathematician want to solve terrorism? He wants to simplify the radicals.

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How did the mathematician solve his problem of constipation? He worked it out with a pencil...

...a #2 pencil.

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What did the mathematician say in response to the death of his parrot? Polynomial. Polygon.

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How did the mathematician sleep? Like a log

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with his pencil.

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What sound does a drowning mathematician make? loglogloglogloglog

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Constipated mathematician looks for a solution. Works it out with a pencil.

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A constipated Mathematician was stuck on a formula... He had to work it out with a pencil.

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Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a number two pencil.

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Why did the mathematician lie adjacent to the hippopotamus? Cos

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How do you know who is the most extroverted mathematician? He's the one looking at your shoes instead of his own.

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How does a mathematician get a tan? They just do sin/cos

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Did you hear about the mathematician who was constipated? He used a pencil to work it out.

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A mathematician is paying for his groceries... A mathmatician is paying for his groceries and the cashier asks for him to write his signature. He draws a single wave on the pad. When he sees the cashiers' confused look he says, "What? it says 'sign here'."

Score: 13

What the the Mathematician get his wife for their first anniversary? An Alge-Bra

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What did the mathematician call his dead parrot? Polygon

Score: 11

Never discuss π with a mathematician... You'll never hear the end of it!

Score: 16

A mathematician's wife asked to bring something exotic for her birthday You should've seen her face when she's got a Klein's bottle

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How to Fall Down Stairs as a Mathematician Step 1.

Step 1.

Step 2.

Step 3.

Step 5.

Step 8.

Step 13.

Step 21.

Step 34.

Step 55.

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What is a mathematician's favourite fruit? A π-neapple

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a Number 2 Pencil.

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What is every mathematician's favorite news source? CN^2

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What joke will annoy a math nerd? What do you read at a mathematician's funeral?

[A Eulergy](#s)

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Welcome to the mathematician club! Where everybody counts!

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The light bulb wanted to be a mathematician But he was too dim

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What's the easiest way to explain a refractory period to a mathematician? The function of the limit is the limit of the function.

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Have you heard of the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? It's okay, he worked it out with a pencil.

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A mathematician walks into a pizza bar and orders one pi He receives two

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Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5? Because he knows how to reduce fractions.

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A mathematician and a statistician wrote a cook book together. It was called "Pi A LA Mode".

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I think I impressed them at my job interview for Director of Science when I said I was half chemist, half physicist . . . and half mathematician

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How did the mathematician solve his problem with constipation? He worked it out with a pencil

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Why Couldn't Anyone Understand The Mute Mathematician's? They didn't speak sine language.

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What's a mathematician's favorite drug? dx/dc

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil.

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Did you guys hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

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What do you call a Mathematician that's asleep? Bed mass

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Mathematician, Physicist and a Lawyer are asked what 1+1 is eaqual to. Mathematician: Well it depends in which numeral system it is.

Physicist: Depends if it is scalar or a vector.

Lawyer: Well and what do you want it to be?

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What's the difference between an introverted and an extroverted mathematician? The introvert looks at his shoes when he's talking to you. An extroverted mathematician looks at *your* shoes.

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What did the mathematician say while golfing? 2 squared!

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