Mayonnaise Jokes

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law? It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

A blonde walks into a drycleaners and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"?

The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."

A man named Eric Cole... ... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

How does Mayonnaise Laugh? LMAYO


I'm sorry

The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.

There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better. They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.

Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today I was like, “What the Hellman?”

Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise. -Cole's Law

I replaced my dad's shaving cream with mayonnaise... He shouted "what the Hellman!"

A woman walks into a dry cleaners and says "I've got another dress for you" The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, replies "come again?" The woman responds with "No this time its mayonnaise"

Everybody's heard of Murphy's Law: "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong." However, few people know of Cole's Law... It's thinly sliced cabbage and mayonnaise.

My friends keep questioning me on my mayonnaise addiction.... I said “What the Hellman?”

[OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race? Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? Lmayo

Laws -Have you heard of Murphy’s law?

-Yes, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

-What about Cole’s Law?

-No, what is it?

-Thinly sliced cabbage drizzled with mayonnaise and sour cream

What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? Lmayo.

What does a prostitute and mayonnaise have in common? They both spread for bread.

What's the difference between sperm and mayonnaise? Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of your mom's throat at 30 mph

Dude, somebody broke on and stole our mayonnaise. What, the hellmann?

What do you call laughing mayonnaise? lmayo

Car broke down in Alaska When the tow truck arrived the driver said “It appears you blew a seal”

Guy said “no, that’s just mayonnaise, I ate a sandwich while waiting”

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Shut the door im dressing

What did the mayonnaise say to the refridgerator? Close the door, I'm dressing!

How does mayonnaise laugh? L-MAYO

Lose 7 pounds in 3 days with this one weird trick! Step 1. Purchase mayonnaise.
Step 2. Leave mayonnaise in the sun for 5 hours. Let it really bake.
Step 3. Eat a couple spoon fulls of the mayo.
Step 4. Lose AT LEAST 7 pounds over the next 3 days!

What do you call a sink full of mayonnaise? *Sink o de mayo.*

My mayonnaise is trying kill me... ...or so my sauces tell me...

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it’s a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too. It’s Coles Law.

Have you ever heard of Murphy’s law? -Yeah, whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

What about Cole’s law?

-Ugh...

Sliced cabbage mixed with mayonnaise and other vegetables

Have you ever heard of Murphy's Law? "Have you heard of Murphy's Law"

"Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong"

"What about Cole's law?"

"No"

"It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream"

I decided not to make my own mayonnaise. I didn’t want to whisk it.

Its offensive to call someone white Please use the politically correct term: Mayonnaise Americans

I made some reading glasses out of mayonnaise bottles. In heinzsight they're not very good

Why do French people find mayonnaise so hilarious? No, seriously. Every time I say it they say lmao.

Over 100 years ago today, the RMS Titanic met it's watery demise in the North Atlantic. Among it's cargo was over 1000kg of mayonnaise bound for New York. So today, we remember the Sinko de Mayo.

I'm so tired from eating mayonnaise all day I'm eggsauceded

Americans are so hung up on authenticity because of fake news We have to be told that mayonnaise is REAL

What do you call a mayonnaise bottle that rules a state? Mayo-r

You catch flys with sugar, you catch bees with honey, but what do you catch WASP'S with? Mayonnaise.