Nude Jokes

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Funniest Nude Jokes

Funny Nude Jokes
Score: 2649

My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes nude in her backyard. Personally I’m on the fence.

Score: 849

My girlfriend was standing nude... in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Score: 710

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach... A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach.

"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.

"What's it short for?" she asks.

Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,

"I dunno, it's always been like that."

Score: 349

My wife is very mad that our beautiful neighbor is sunbathing nude in her yard. Personally, I'm on the fence.

Score: 314

Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women’s attention. I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.

Score: 210

What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring? One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

Score: 201

A naked lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink A naked lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink.
Bartender stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a nude woman?"
Bartender replied, "Nah, just wondering, how are you going to pay?"

Score: 188

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? It’s not hard

Score: 142

One night, Wonder Woman sent some nude pics but one failed to impress... ...she didn't turn on the flash...

Score: 90

How can you spot the blind guy on a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 86

I once sent nude pictures to everyone in my contacts list. Not only was it embarrassing... It cost me a fortune in stamps.

Score: 84

How would you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard

Score: 83

There's an email going around that claims to include a nude photo of Hillary Clinton Don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

Score: 78

What's another name for a nude beach? A junk yard.

Score: 77

How do you tell if there is a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard

Score: 67

I told my fiance that we should get married on a nude beach. That way we can really see who the best man is.

Score: 64

Why did the midget get kicked off a nude beach? People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.

Score: 64

How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? Its not that hard

Score: 52

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 39

How can you tell when there's a blind man at the nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 36

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 35

What did the sign say at the nude beach during off season? Sorry, were clothed.

Score: 34

How can you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It’s not that hard

Score: 34

A nude woman is standing in front of her mirror She says to her husband,

"I feel horrible, I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment."

The husband : "your eyesight is perfect."

Score: 31

How do you spot a blind guy on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 30

Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk. The first one says "I found nude pictures on his desk so I tore them".

The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".

The third nun fainted.

Score: 28

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It is not hard.

Score: 28

How do you find the blind guy at the nude beach? Let me tell you, it isn't hard.

Score: 27

I accidentally sent a nude pic to everyone in my address book once. It was horribly embarrassing and it cost a fortune in stamps!

Score: 27

This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose nude for a magazine I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!

-Emo Philips

Score: 23

A nude man walks into a doctor's office. A nude man walks into a doctor's office wrapped in Cellophane from head to toe.

The doctor says, "Well, clearly I can see your nuts."

Score: 18

How do you spot a blind man on nude beach It's not hard

Score: 17

How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 15

How can you spot a blind man on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 7

How do you tell if a man at a nude beach is blind? It’s not hard.

Score: 6

I gave my girlfriend a laminated nude photo of myself. I told her to save it for a rainy day.

Score: 5

how to spot a blind person in a nude beach? it's not hard!

Score: 5

How do you know there's a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 5

How can you always tell a blind man at a nude beach. It's not hard.

Score: 4

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New Nude Jokes

My next door neighbour really gets upset at his wife whenever she’s sunbathing nude. Personally, I am on the fence.

Score: 2

Whenever I am offered a nude picture, as a respectful gentleman I reject the offer and suggest that they cover up Go ahead, send me a nude and see what I say.

Score: 2

How can you tell if their is a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 0

Stormy Daniels was arrested for breaking an Ohio law that prohibits "anyone who isn’t a family member from touching a nude dancer." I for one, am glad that we still live in a country where a son can still touch his mother while she dance for him.

Score: 1

How do you spot an impotent guy at a nude beach? It’s not hard

Score: 3

Professionalism Fully Nude Lady gets into taxi, Driver looks at her top to bottom repeatedly..

Lady asks, "Haven't u ever seen a naked woman before?"
Driver: It's not that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

Score: 3

One simple trick to feel less nervous going to a nude beach Imagine your audience naked

Score: 1

Vegas Disappointment I came back from Vegas and my buddy asked me how it was. I said, "You know those places with the signs that say 'All nude inside'?" He nodded. I said, "Apparently, that's only if you work there."

Score: 3

How did David Hasselhoff attract the women in his nude photography class By showing hoff

Score: 2

What did they call the two nude girls playing roulette? Clams Casino

Score: 1

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