Hilarious Olympic Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Olympic Jokes

The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!

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With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.

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If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

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It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

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2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico

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Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can get is bronze.

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If laziness was an Olympic sport... I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium.

Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy

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Olympic Results for Sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.

The French have taken the Silver medal.

The Somalians have taken the boats.

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If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport... I would probably get bronze.

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What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated? Discuss

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Olympics, the new tower of Babel The German Olympian

I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"

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How can you tell which Russian olympic spectators are actually KGB agents? The ones with food.

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I met an olympic athlete yesterday... 'Are you a pole vaulter?' I asked.

'No' He replied. 'I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?'

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If laziness was an Olympic sport... I’d come in 4th, just so I wouldn’t have to walk up to the podium.

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Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

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I'm going to make a movie about a teenage boy and his journey to becoming an Olympic swimmer. I'm going to name it... Wet Dreams

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I saw an ad for a prison. Apparently they have the safest gym in the country. There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.

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At Munich Airport A young man approaches an Olympic athlete carrying a long pole and asks “are you a pole vaulter?”

The man clearly annoyed responds “no, I’m German, and how did you know my name is Walter?!”

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My favorite winter Olympic sport is women’s curling... Because it’s the one time every four years I can yell, “sweep harder” at a woman, and no one thinks it’s because I’m a sexist pig.

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If laziness were an Olympic sport... I’d get fourth so I wouldn’t have to walk up to the podium.

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Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can jump, run or swim is already in the U.S

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While watching Olympic kayaking, I was surprised at how bad the Cuban team was at paddling. Then I realized, That's probably why they're still in Cuba.

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Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team? Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S

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Watching the olympic 100m is like witnessing a crime You hear a gunshot and a second after you see 8 black guys running away.

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What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event? Cross country

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Somalis at the Olympics... The Somalian Olympic Committee issued an official apology earlier in the week, after realising that sailing and shooting are separate events.

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Why does Mexico never get any Olympic medals? Because any Mexican who can run, jump, or swim is in America already

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What do a priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? They both came in a little behind.

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"Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.." "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."

"Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!"

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because very one who can run, jump, climb, or swim is already in the US.

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If procrastination were an olympic sport I'd compete in it later.

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Did you hear about the Olympic gymnast that was a convicted felon? He was always known for some assaults

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Why do you never see an African in Olympic swimming? You need water to swim

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because all their good runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America

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Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital... Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital. In gratitude, the hospital named their emergency ward after her-- it's now the Picabo ICU.

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Mexico doesn’t have a Olympic Team... because all the mexicans who can run, jump and swim are in the U.S.

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I was really excited one year when I got the contract to install the cordons around the Olympic Village. but my wife keeps telling me I should stop telling people that I used to be an Olympic fencer.

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Michael Phelps will be the flag bearer for the 2016 USA Olympic Team I hope he holds our flag high.

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New Olympic Jokes

The Olympic skier Picabo Street made headlines by donating enough money to build a new hospital. To thank her they named a wing of the hospital after her. The Picabo ICU.

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What’s up with names referring to America in sports? Like the Yankees? Patriots? Don’t even get me started with the Olympic Basketball team.

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If procrastinating is an Olympic sport Then I'll compete in it later

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Why does Donald trump watch the olympic games He wants to see how high the mexicans can jump

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What did the virgin say after getting first place in an Olympic event? Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

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What's the difference between US and RU Olympic physicians? One dopes, the other gropes

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Today is 10/10, or as the super-strict Olympic judge calls it... August 6th.

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What did the Olympic runner say at the end of his career? I had a good run.

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In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal? Jujitsu

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Why is the Olympic flame such an introvert? It never goes out.

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I was walking through the Olympic Park when I saw a man with a really long stick, I asked him "Are you a pole vaulter?" He said "Yes, but how do you know my name is Walter?"

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Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is in the U.S.

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Abebe Bikila famously won the 1960 Olympic marathon while running barefoot. Do you think his opponents tasted defeet?

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[Politics] Is mental gymnastics an Olympic Sport? If it is, Sean Spicer could take home the gold, silver and bronze for the US.

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How does Usain Bolt feel after being stripped of one of his Olympic Gold Medals? Fast and Furious

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Cheesy Late out-of-context Joke of the Day Four Liars and a Pothead walk into a bar...

And someone says, "Hey, look! It's the US Olympic Swimming Team!"

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I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid

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Watching Olympic rowing with my wife. Me: Oh, the announcer just said the Germans got in via the repechage.

Wife: What's that?

Me: I have no clue.

Wife: I think it means they went through Belgium.

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