Patriots Jokes

I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight! Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.

EDIT: Well, this is awkward.

What do the Patriots and Measles have in common? They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.

What do the Patriots and Lance Armstrong have in common? They only have one good ball.

I'm relieved the Patriots lost... No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.

A liar, a murderer, and a cheater walk into a bar. The New England Patriots must be in town.

I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV? The Patriots

The Patriots are true gentlemen. They let the Falcons finish their game before they started theirs.

Why did the Super Bowl Champions refuse to meet Trump at the White House? Because they were Patriots.

I only date Patriots fans Because they don't care if I cheat

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit Tim Tebow hired by mistake. After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.

What's the difference between patriots, eagles, and Cheerios? Cheerios belong in a Bowl.

A liar, a murderer, a cheater walk in to a bar... The Patriots must be in town.

Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV? He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"

The Patriots can still win... By Electoral College votes.

I don't really care for the New England Patriots, but Lance Armstrong used a deflated ball for years and no one said anything.

The Patriots asked the Seahawks: "Do you want to win the Super Bowl?" The Seahawks replied: "Nah, we'll pass."

Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring, Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!

Why have the Patriots won so many Super Bowls? Because the owner really likes a happy ending.

New England Patriots’ Robert Craft is charged with soliciting prostitution. He just wanted to show the masseuse where he wears his 6th super bowl ring.

A Liar, a Murderer, and a Cheater walk into a bar... The Patriots must be in town.

The Patriots The pats shoulda subbed Bush in, he got more yards on that wheelchair than Blount did all game. #riseup

What's the best part about dating a Patriots fan? They don't care if you cheat.

If you could choose one NFL team to not come back after the Corona Virus, which one would you choose? And why did you choose the Patriots?

It's cool how today everyone is applauding patriots for standing up for human rights... ...and by next Sunday everyone will be back to hating the Patriots again

How will Tom Brady feel if the Patriots lose? Deflated.

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots? Cheat-o's

Patriots fans are being charged more money for Super Bowl tickets. It’s because of inflation.

That Patriots player that just got tackled in the crotch.... Is he their new leading sacker?

If Trump blows this lead in Georgia, it wouldn't the first time that Atlanta has been involved in a blown lead that resulted in a Patriots win credit to u/FenwayPatriot for this legendary comment

I heard the New England Patriots were going to be a little late to the Super Bowl Someone deflated all of the tires on the team bus.

The Patriots visit to the White House was so GREAT... it left Aaron Hernandez choked up and ultimately breathless

Say what you will about the old lady that serviced Robert Kraft But once again, Kraft and the Patriots got quality veteran experience at a fraction of the cost of younger talents.

New England Patriots list Aaron Hernandez out for week 1. Suspended.

Trump's battle against ISIS is the grand strategy equivalent of a Patriots-Cowboys game. A lot of people you talk to somehow want both to lose.

Did you hear that the Philadelphia Eagles changed their name to the Eages? Because the Patriots took the L

Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots got busted for soliciting prostitution at a massage parlor in Florida. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though, i heard it had a happy ending.

What’s up with names referring to America in sports? Like the Yankees? Patriots? Don’t even get me started with the Olympic Basketball team.

Why was the bed sheet a Patriots fan? It spent a lot of time hanging around Aaron Hernandez

What does Superbowl LIV and the Democratic party have in common? No Patriots!!!