Peanut Jokes

Dad, is that dog over there a wiener dog? Son, with enough peanut butter every dog is a wiener dog.

Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

I bet jellyfish are sad... that there are no peanut butter fish.

What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astronut.

my wife's favorite joketo tell What do you call a peanut with a cold?

Cashew!


she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.

What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common? They both spread for bread.

What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter? They are both usually in bread.

I fed this kid peanut and he almost died. I guess some people take No Nut November way too seriously.

Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local Strip Club The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.

Why was the peanut so salty? Because it got R O A S T E D

Last Halloween Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes. I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.

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I'll see myself out.

What's the difference between girls of our generation and peanut butter? One spreads easily and the other is peanut butter

I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif

I don't like peanut butter... it just isn't my jam.

Why did the idiot put peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam!

An old joke I learnt [Clean] A peanut was stuck on the tracks

His heart was all a flutter

A train came down the track

*Choo Choo!*

Peanut butter.

Have you heard of the peanut butter song? It's my jam.

Why did the peanut take the almond to court It was assaulted

Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut... **This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**

How do you put spaghetti to sleep? You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.


My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this.

"Mommy! Mommy! Little Johnny pulled down his pants and showed me his thingy!" "Oh? That's... *weird*. Well, what did you think of it?"

"It reminded me of a peanut!"

"Ha ha! Because it was so tiny?"

"No. Salty."

What did the peanut say to his wife before he left? I'll be back in a jiffy

What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces? A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

As an American, I'm surprised by how unpopular cream cheese and peanut butter are in the rest of the world... I just thought they would have spread more.

What's the feeling you get after polishing a peanut? Post nut clarity.

Heard about the peanut that walked through Central Park It was a salted.

My wife's legs are like the peanut butter I left in the fridge. Won't spread.

I like my women like I like my peanut butter... Brown, chunky, and easy to spread.

What do you get when a dyslexic tries to make a gif? Peanut Butter.

Did you hear the rumour about peanut butter? You shouldn't spread it.

What kind of fish is good with peanut butter? Jellyfish

Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly... ..there was a jam

M&M's Came out with a Honey Flavor. They coated the peanuts in the Peanut M&M's with honey.

They called them "Beez Nuts"

Your Mother and I are like peanut butter and jelly She spreads and I jam

What did the peanut that was allergic to it self say? Cashew!

One of these days, I'm going to go fishing for complements. I hope I catch some peanut butter and jelly.

Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter & jelly Never mind I'm afraid you'll spread it

Did you guys hear about the peanut walking down a dark alley? He was *a salted*