Hilarious Penny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Penny Jokes

If I had a penny for every Trump joke being made right now I would have a small loan of a million dollars

Score: 2490

If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD... I'd have 1,526 pennies.

Score: 1010

If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist... I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.

Score: 641

If I had a penny everytime I did not understand what was going on, I would not understand why I got so much pennies

Score: 435

*It's raining penny's and quarters* Me:WTF is this

Climate:Change

Score: 342

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny. It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

Score: 333

Score: 135

Today I threw a penny down the well and made a wish. That the police would never find Penny’s body.

Score: 130

If I had a penny for every time a girl asked me out.. I’d have 5 cents.

She said if I came back inside her house a sixth time she would call the cops.

Score: 121

If I had a penny for every time Donald Trump said something stupid, I would have a small loan of a million dollars

Score: 89

Dr Horrible got a great deal on getting into the Evil League of Evil It only cost him a Penny

Score: 85

Limericks by Jenny There was a young woman named Jenny

Whose limericks were not worth a penny.

Oh, the rhyme was all right,

And the meter was tight,

But whenever she tried to write any,

She always wrote one line too many!

Score: 66

A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?

Girl: For a penny? Not very bright.

Score: 59

Attorney: My client is trapped in a penny Judge: What?

Attorney: He's in a cent.

Score: 57

How was copper wire created? Two Jews found the same penny.

Score: 52

If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars

Score: 49

TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me

Score: 45

What do you call a prison cell with a quarter, penny, and a dime in it? A Nicolas Cage.

Score: 35

Wishing Well English is second language.... excuse grammar

My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny

Score: 32

Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent

Judge: You're going to jail with him

^^^^Totally ^^^^my ^^^^own ^^^^work ^^^^and ^^^^not ^^^^a ^^^^repost ^^^^by ^^^^any ^^^^mean

Score: 32

If I had a penny for every time my wife and I argued about money She'd spend it on a handbag

Score: 31

I always leave a penny on the toilet lid after I take a dump Just so that a cent is covering the odor

Score: 30

If i had a penny for every Donald Trump joke made right now I would have a pence

Score: 29

How did copper wire get invented 2 Jews fighting over a penny

Score: 26

The local strip club had a sale. Their sign said a penny for our thots.

Score: 23

Have you ever seen those "Give a penny, take a penny" things at convenience stores??? that makes no cents

Score: 18

TIL it costs more money to make a penny than how much it's worth That makes very little cents

Score: 18

how was copper wire invented.... two jews fighting over a penny

Score: 14

I swallowed a penny, and then vomited it afterwards, Because change should come from within.

Score: 14

I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine. It just doesn't make cents.

Score: 13

Do you know how copper wire was invented? Two Scots fought over the same penny.

Score: 13

Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny. Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent!

Score: 10

Lawyer: "My client is trapped inside a penny." Judge: "I beg your pardon?"

Lawyer: "He's in a cent."

Score: 10

I found out today that you can kill someone by throwing a penny off the Empire State building. Penny was a good child.

Score: 9

A bought a farewell card for only a penny... It was a good buy.

Score: 8

Dr Horrible got everything he wanted But it only cost him a Penny

Score: 8

Guy I thought of a name for my “World’s Cheapist Whores” company. Penny for your Thots

Score: 7

If I had a penny for every time I said "diet starts tomorrow" I could afford liposuction.

Score: 6

Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween. PENNY-WISE

Score: 5

If I had a penny for every trump joke, I'd have enough money to build a wall...

Score: 5

New Penny Jokes

There’s only one thing that will always make sense. Penny factories

Score: 1

If I had a penny for everytime I didn't understand something. I wouldn't know where all these pennies are for.

Score: 4

If I had a penny for every time Trump screwed up in some way I could give someone a small loan of a million dollars

Score: 1

The fact that we're still printing the penny even though it costs nearly twice as much as it's worth makes no cents. It loses them.

Score: 2

If it's a penny for your thoughts, how come I gotta give my two cents? Taxes.

Score: 3

Why was Georgie consumed by large debts? Because he was penny wise, pound foolish

Score: 2

I work as a clown to make people laugh. For some reason, there are still people who fear me. If I was given one cent every time I scared someone, I would be rich, PENNY WISE.

Score: 1

Why did the nickle leave the penny on the ground? It's not worth his dime.

Score: 2

If you have 12 chocolates and you give Maths teacher: "If you have 12 chocolates and you give

5 to Priya,

3 to Sonia and

2 to Penny then what will you get?"

"3 new Girlfriends!"

Score: 4

I'm so broke I don't have a penny to my name. Maybe I should get a new name.

Score: 2

If I had a penny for every time somebody said I was materialistic... I'd probably be able to afford some Gucci socks.

Score: 4

If I had a penny for every gender, I would have two cents.

Score: 1

People hate change. That's why they both want to abolish or keep the penny.

Score: 5

If I had a penny for every time I was pedantic... I'd have £564.72

Score: 3

How do you get 2 Jews to fight? Throw a penny between them.

How do you get 2 Catholic priests to fight?

Do the same thing but this time with a small boy.

Score: 2

If I had a penny for every time I said something stupid I could get an education

Score: 5

What do you say to a cheap pimp when he won't tell you what you need to hear? "Penny for your thots?"

Score: 3

How was the first copper wire made? Two Jews found the same penny

Score: 5

What do you get when you give a Liberal a penny for their thoughts? Change

Score: 2

Today I saw a penny in a urinal and wondered what they wished for. I'm wishing for a drier pocket.

Score: 4

What Do You Call a Rich Clown Penny Wise

Score: 4

What did the jewish guy say to the pimp? Penny for your thot?

Score: 1

My Client is trapped inside a penny. Judge says,"What?"

Laywer,"He's in a cent."

Score: 4

How was the first copper wire made? Someone threw a penny inbetween two Jew's

Score: 2

If I got a penny everytime . . . If I got a penny everytime I got a penny, I'd be infinitely rich.

Score: 5

If I had a penny for every time I thought about my enemies... I'll have no pennies. Cause I erased them all.

Score: 3

I used to date this girl named Penny, Every night she'd give me head and tail.

Score: 4

Why would anyone buy a broken penny minting machine? It makes no cents!

Score: 2

Why do Dutch people have big noses? Because air is free.

### Bonus joke:

* How was copper wire invented?

Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time.

Score: 4

TIL How Copper Wire Was First Invented Two Jews saw the same penny.

Score: 3

What did the penny stockholder sing at the campfire? 12.8 billion shares on the wall 12.8 billion shares... you take 300 million down, you pass them around, 12.8 billion shares on the wall!

(Triple checked for typos, all good)

Score: 2

My kid told me a joke about the U.S. Treasury ending the penny. It didn't make any sense.

Score: 4