Hilarious Pot Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pot Jokes

I told my wife I was gonna start smoking pot. She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say... Marijuana truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains.

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Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field? The pot was calling the cattle back

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Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron

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What would happen if Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US? He’d be rolling in his grave.

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The egg said to the pot of boiling water.... It's gonna take a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning

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My four favorite things My four favorite things are chicken pot pie and omitting commas.

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Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his best friend and his cooking pot... They’re both cauldron.

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If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, He will be rolling in his grave.

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What's the difference between an Australian and a pot of yogurt? Leave a pot of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.

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Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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Popped a tire on a pot hole today Badum tss

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I had pot brownies for the first time last week. I guess the baker was out of pans.

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A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff... *Baah Dum Tssssss*

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Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm? It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no. I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

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Why did the pedestrian die after getting hit by a pot smoker? Too much blunt force.

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Why did the Irishman put 239 beans in the soup pot? Because any more would be too farty.

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I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office building 20 minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking outside the office building.

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid.

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I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

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What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt? If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.

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Two kids watch a pot-bellied man undress in a changing room, One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the pot-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"

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I found a pot of gold today... Au yeah

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? You may have to give me a few minutes to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

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I used to smoke pot and sneak into class 10 minutes late with a bullshit excuse, slink down in my desk and hope no one asked me any questions. I was the best teacher ever.

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What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia? You get stoned.

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Cop: we got a call that you had pot in your car Me: *pulls out flower pot* Oh you mean this?

Cop: *laughing* my mistake, what are ya growing

Me: pot

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Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his best friend and his cooking pot. They're both cauldron.

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water Might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid.

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What do you call a lizard that smokes pot? A mariguana

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Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron.

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? Give me 5 minutes to get hard - I just got laid.

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Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate They're both cauldron.

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What's the difference between Harry Potter's best friend and his pot? Nothing, they're both cauldron.

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A tub, pail, can, basket, canister, vat, kettle, cask, pot, keg, barrel, and bowl. I needed to make a bucket list before I die.

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If Snoop Dogg dies before pot is legal in the United States,.. ..He will be rolling in his grave.

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Special needs bus crashes into local pot shop and catches fire. Baked potatoes all over the place.

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If a midget smokes pot... ...does he get high or medium?

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Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his friend and a cooking pot They are both cauldron

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New Pot Jokes

A smoker wanted weed on the go. So he bought Instant Pot on the Internet. He was Instantly Disappointed.

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So that's how you do it I was caught standing on my toilet and I was asked "what are you doing?" I said "I am trying to get high on pot."

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What did they say at the Grateful Dead show when they ran out of pot? These guys suck!

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My boyfriend just called me a pot Because I'm an empty vessel.

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What is the most dangerous Pot that ever existed Ppol Pot,, It has a 1/3 chance of killing you, so I wouldn't suggest it.

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Listen, I've smoked pot everyday for 17 years and I can't think of any negative consequences. Seriously, help me out here.

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What's the difference between a florist and a corrupt cop? The florist pots plants and the cop plants pot

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What do you call somebody with a skin disease trying to make you believe they have a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? A leper-con

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If you jack off in a pot... ...does that make you Pansexual?

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What do you call a spoon with a giant pit? A pot

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My brother was in the kitchen when the pot was knocked over. It was a joint dislocation.

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Why did the chicken get so stoned? He had just eaten a chicken pot pie.

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How old were the two ladies who ate the full pot of beans? One was farty and the other was farty two!

(Repost as I posted incorrectly the first time)

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Dad: what’s the difference in a fish, a piano, and a pot of glue? Daughter: I don’t know
Dad: you can TUNE a piano but you can’t TUNA fish!
Daughter: ok but what about the glue
Dad: I knew you’d get stuck on that

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I was a little disappointed that my friend decided to bring a hot dogs to my fancy pot-luck dinner party. But, I suppose he could have bratwurst.

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What do you call the single African American in a group of pot smokers? The toking black guy.

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If you don't like the police....maybe you're the problem. - A confusing conversation between Sting's biggest fan and the neighborhood pot dealer.

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What's the difference between Louis CK and a pot of water on the stove? The pot won't get hot if you watch it.

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What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna

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Do you know the difference between a potty and a coffe pot? No? Don't you ever invite me for coffee!

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Mob of Pot Smokers Overthrowing Government: "This is a high coup!"

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My local pot dealer really had it figured out He also sells coffee makers and multi-colored mugs

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What is a Pot Heads favorite body part? 'ear *cough* 'ear

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Before becoming hard boiled, an egg says to a boiling pot of water: It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid.

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Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? Because the pot was calling the cattle back…

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I heard Snoop Dogg wants to run for president. He wants to put the Pot back in
POTUS.

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A mother is cooking in her kitchen when... A mother is cooking in her kitchen when she picks up the pot. A genie comes out of the pot and says " You have one whisk, use it wisely"

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If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug? Pot

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I really wanna get into selling pot. I hear it's a budding industry.

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I asked my friend why he only smokes pot right outside of his front yard where he'd be more likely to be caught... He said
"Because my dad said it's a gateway drug"

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I like my woman like I like my coffee... boiling in a pot on the stove.

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Why can you only put 287 beans in a pot of beans? Because one more would be two gross.

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Trump calls Comey "a crazy, nut job" Reports Pot-Kettle magazine

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Whatcha call a bunch of special ed kids on pot brownies? High rollers

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What do you call alligator weed? Croc-pot

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The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana... to sweeten the pot.

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I Think I'm Allergic to Pot Whenever I smoke it, my eyes get red and I start coughing

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Holes of Weed If I fill a hole with weed,
Is it a "pot-hole"?

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Since I was a kid I always wanted to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But I guess that is just something Irish for.

EDIT: I just thought of this randomly. I'm sorry this is a horrible joke.

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Have you heard the one about the constipated stoner? Try as he might, he just couldn't get off the pot.

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Why does a watched pot never boil? Because it's a pressured cooker

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Cop: Your eyes look red. Have you been smoking pot? Me: Your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?

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Why is a Roach Clip called a Roach Clip? Pot Holder was already taken.

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Why can't Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend Because they're both cauldron

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Wife got my 3 favorite things for my birthday! Chicken pot pie.

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Why do stray cows return to hemp fields? it's the pot calling the cattle back

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Why do stoners make lousy poker players? Because they keep smoking the pot.

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My dad is a struggling pot addict He's having trouble turning over a new leaf

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Research shows that smoking pot does not make you paranoid. But I highly doubt it.

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Harry Potter joke Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron.

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Why are pot heads always so condescending? They always think they're higher then others

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I accidentally planted some marijuana seeds on my farm It's all gone to pot

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Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away? Because he mist it.

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I went to a pot bar in Colorado this post weekend It was really a seedy joint.

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Confucius say, man who sits on top of toilet, is high on pot

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