Hilarious Pregnant Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pregnant Jokes

Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Me: “Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.”

Wife: “No you’re not.”

Score: 21210

Score: 12197

Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant. Woman: Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!

Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

FP Edit: RIP my inbox

Score: 11196

My friend's girlfriend is 6 months pregnant, they asked if I wanna put my hand on the baby. Apparently they meant from the outside.

Score: 8052

What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common? They both think,”My moms gonna kill me”

Score: 7608

I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.

HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad

WIFE: Second: No you're not

Score: 7210

Why didn't barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.

Score: 5974

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant... ...I can’t pull anything out in time!

Score: 5767

I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant.. Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.

Score: 5690

Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I’m Pregnant

Husband:Hey Pregnant, I’m Dad

Wife:No you’re not

Score: 4017

My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

Score: 3470

I got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.

Score: 3404

Just another dad joke WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I'm pregnant

HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad

WIFE: Second: No you're not

Score: 3229

My town's population never changes Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

Score: 2574

The pregnant lady sitting across from me laughed "What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.

"It's an inside joke."

Score: 1962

Dad my girlfriends pregnant "Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."

"I'm not mad, just disappointed."

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."

"Did you jus..."

"Yes."

"You're ready."

"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."

Score: 1941

Success is like being pregnant Everyone congratulates you, but no one asks you how many times you got f**ked to get there.

Score: 1917

When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying. I know how it feels to grow up without a father!

Score: 1674

I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant?? Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure.

Score: 1593

I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?

Score: 1245

My friend’s girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks. Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.

Score: 1165

Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box.

Badum tiss.

Score: 1129

Remember back in the day, when your TV wouldn't work, you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Score: 1063

My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?

Score: 1043

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.

Score: 995

A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."

Score: 940

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

Score: 924

Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in other boxes.

Score: 879

What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.

Score: 778

Why does Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken always comes in another box.

Score: 691

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed My name, my address, my phone number

Score: 567

What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common? Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em

Score: 411

So it's April 2nd And my wife's still pregnant...

Score: 404

Two women are discussing their love lives Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."

Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."

"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."

Score: 361

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant. It seems I can't take anything out on time.

Score: 328

"Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."

Score: 307

What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common? You left it in too long.

Score: 297

What does a pregnant teen and her baby have in common? They're both thinking,"Mom is gonna kill me".

Score: 265

My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her. I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

Score: 251

I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn’t prevent you from getting your wife pregnant. It just changes the color of the baby. :(

Score: 236

New Pregnant Jokes

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant.

Apparently, all it does is change the color of the baby.

Score: 49

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman. But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

Score: 43

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common? Some jackass forgot to take it out in time.

Score: 41

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant... But apparently it just changes the color of the baby

Score: 72

What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant? Quack babies

Score: 9

What's a pregnant woman, a frozen beer, and a burnt pizza have in common? Some moron didn't pull it out.

Score: 111

I asked a pregnant woman if I could feel the baby She said that I could, but once I started rolling my sleeve up past my elbow she ran away. Rude.

Score: 100

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her as an alter boy!

Score: 11

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Score: 194

Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame. Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but you look like it.

Score: 141

My sister is pregnant, and suddenly said, “He’s kicking!” So I punched her in the stomach. Can’t believe her son thinks it’s okay to hit women.

Score: 59

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Score: 45

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Score: 11

I got a vasectomy and my girlfriend still got pregnant. Apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

Score: 28

I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant For example my name, address and even phone number

Score: 109

Phantom Pregnancy I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.

I kid you not.

Score: 55

I really counted on my vasectomy to keep my girl from getting pregnant... but apparently it only changes the baby's skin color...

Score: 20

Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies "I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"

"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."

Score: 64

Doctor to blonde "You are pregnant" Blonde "Gosh, I hope it's not mine"

Score: 10

Jupiter heard from Neptune that Pluto was pregnant. Jupiter said to Pluto "Congratulations! I was surprised to hear that you're expecting!"

To which Pluto replied "Thanks. Yeah, I definitely didn't planet!"

Score: 22

An almost hysterical man calls 911... He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.

"No dumbass! It's her husband!"

Score: 10

Can't get pregnant Stacy: I have to be very careful, i just can't get pregnant now.

Tiffany: Didn't your husband get a vasectomy?

Stacy: Exactly!

Edit: a word

Score: 18

My GF told me she was pregnant and asked me what I wanted it to be. I said a Joke.

Score: 69

I got a vasectomy I was told it would keep her from getting pregnant, turns out all it does is change the color of the baby.

Score: 22

"Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor -"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
-"No, it just looks like you are"

Score: 216

I had vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant... But apparently all it does is change the color of your baby

Score: 201

I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby. Or at least that's what my mailman said.

Score: 210

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant? Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Score: 19

The pregnant woman sitting across from me on the train laughed. I asked her
"What's so funny?"
She smiled and replied.
"My baby just told me something."
I was shocked!
"Really? What did he say!"
She grins.

"Oh you wont get it, it's an inside joke."

Score: 38

Warnings about motorcycles Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.

I don't get it.

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

Score: 22

Why can't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in another box

Score: 64

Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful" Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful. I will prefer to get Pregnant than getting my cavity filled"
.

.

.

.

Dentist: " Make a Decision, I will adjust the chair accordingly."

Score: 35

What is a pregnant woman to a cannibal? Kinder Surprise.

Score: 28

What do you call the guy who gets all the women pregnant? Mister Period

Score: 9

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant..... Turns out it just changes the color of the baby.

Score: 125

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Because Ken came in another box.

Edit: Yes, I know that there actually IS a pregnant Barbie doll. Just roll with the joke people...sheesh.

Score: 90

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Score: 33

My girlfriend got pregnant, so I've been thinking about a name for over two weeks I chose Carlos and escaped to Mexico

Score: 48

What are two things in the Air that can make a Girl pregnant Her legs...

Score: 105

Doctor: It's looks like you're pregnant Woman: I'm pregnant??
Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

Score: 173

My wife told me to get a vasectomy to stop her from getting pregnant. But it turns out it just made our baby black.

Score: 11

What does a frozen beer, a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in commonn? An idiot didn't get it out in time

Score: 34

"I can still fit into my wedding dress!", my wife bragged. "That's only because you were 8 months pregnant", I replied.

Score: 36

How did the mexican girl get pregnant? The teacher told her to make an essay.

Score: 29

An Oklahoman Rep referred to pregnant women as "hosts." That's so wrong! They're hostesses.

Score: 9

A pregnant woman was in line ahead of me at the store... Out of no where, she starts giggling.

I asked, "Are you okay, ma'am?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine. My baby just told a joke."

"A joke? Seriously? What did it say?"

She replied, "Oh, I'm not sure you'd get it. It was an inside joke."

Score: 49

Why was Barbie never pregnant? Because Ken came in another box.

Score: 154

How do you get a Catholic nun pregnant? Dress her as a choirboy

Score: 30

Finally found out why MTV doesn't do crossover episodes The FCC had some serious problems with "Pimp my Pregnant 16 Year Old."

Score: 49

Why did they never make a pregnant Barbie? because Ken always came in another box.

Score: 60

How do you know if a woman uses a vibrator when pregnant The kid stutters

Score: 87

Doctor: Well ma'am looks like you're pregnant. Woman: I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No it just looks like you are.

Score: 38

A 5-year-old sat next to a pregnant lady. Boy: Why is your tum-tum so huge?

Lady: Because I have a baby inside it.

Boy: Is it a nice baby?

Lady: It is a very nice healthy baby.

Boy: Then why did you eat it?

Score: 21

Why is Barbie not pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box.

Score: 142

My Boss thought that getting a vasectomy would keep his wife from getting pregnant. All it did was change the color of the baby.

Score: 39

After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number...

Score: 150

What do frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common? An idiot who forgot to take it out earlier.

Score: 97

What do a pregnant woman, a burned pizza and a frozen beer have in common? In all three cases somebody took it out TOO LATE

Score: 14

What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common? In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.

Score: 25

What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common? Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.

Score: 57