Hilarious Reading Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Reading Jokes

Communism sounds good on paper... ...unless you’re reading a history book.

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Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement... ...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".

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Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield? She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

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I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen... I can feel it...

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I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life... Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

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I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen… I can feel it…

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Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end, you ignore it all and click “I agree”.

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My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day... Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."

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I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed... how could anyone stoop so low

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"I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!" He just said "That's a D, you idiot."

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Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists... ...I'm a heroine addict.

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My girlfriend started reading Bill Cosby's biography... But it put her to sleep.

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Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"

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“Dad, I’m so excited. I got a B in reading!” Dad: That’s a D, idiot.

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I was reading in the paper today about a midget that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

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I began reading a horror novel in braille. I think something bad is about to happen... I can feel it.

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A woman searches for something in the living room. After an hour, worried, she asks her husband:

- Have you seen my book?

- Which one?

- How to live to become 100 years old.

- Ah yes. Yesterday, i threw it away.

- But why?

- Your mother started reading it...

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I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

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I was reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome the other day. It was really bad to begin with, but by the end I quite liked it.

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I was reading a horror story in Braille, something bad was about to happen I could feel it

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I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. Man, I just can't put this thing down.

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What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book? Putting it down

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Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement In the end, you ignore everything and click "I Agree".

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I began reading a horror novel in brail. Something bad is about to happen I can feel it.

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I’m reading a horror story in Braille Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it

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I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and Peace" in about 10 seconds. I know it's only 3 words but it's a start!

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I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes. I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

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I went to a job interview at EA The interviewer, after reading my CV, said:

"I see that this CV was clearly printed on two pages, but I only have one. Where's the other one?"

"Page two is 19.99$"

Score: 133

I started reading "Old Yeller" today .. But I had to put it down.

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I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking. It was about time.

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President Donald Trump is great at reading female body language Too bad he reads it in braille.

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So I was teaching my brother English... I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

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I read an article about the dangers of heavy drinking the other day, and it really scared me! So that's it... Starting today, no more reading.

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If you have epilepsy, it's important to avoid reading Roman history books. It could cause a Caesar.

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I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen... I can feel it...

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I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off". Best $600 I have ever spent!

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Just finished reading a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at the start but by the end I liked it.

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I finally got round to reading that Stephen Hawking book the other day. It's about time.

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity right now. It's impossible to put down.

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New Reading Jokes

You ever hear about the blind Gynecologist? He's great at reading lips.

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Apparently statistics show only "5% o peple" have cracked their phone screens Edit: After reading the same article on my computer, it appears "50% of people" have cracked their phone screens.

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I wasn't sure if my uncle had died until I went to the reading of the will It was a dead giveaway

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Why can't President Trump ever finish reading a book? Because everything he starts ends with chapter 11.

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Just been reading some reviews of the solar system Can't believe it only got 1 star.

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I've taken up speed reading. I can read War & Peace in under an hour. I's only three words, but it's a start.

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I was reading this survey the other day And accordion to it, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected

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Reading The Fifth I’m writing my book in fifth person, so  every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …”

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How many??? A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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I bought a book recently called, "How to Cure Procrastination" I am so pumped. I think this is the book that will change my life when I get around to reading it eventually.

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There's nothing better than calculus jokes. I derive so much pleasure from reading them.

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I'm bad at reading social cues, can't make eye contact, am really good at drawing, and don't pick up on sarcasm... I think I might be artistic.

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My friend stole the book I was reading and threw it across the table where it slid with ease It was non-friction.

^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry.

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Arguing with a woman is like reading Terms and Conditions You end up ignoring it all and just clicking "I agree" at the bottom

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I read an article about how smoking is bad for your health and I decided... That's it.

I'm no longer reading

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I started reading a book on anorgasmia ...but I just couldn't finish.

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Why do fish hate reading news on the internet? Click-bait.

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There are three kinds of men... The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

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I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction

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"How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand? When the blind start reading your face

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I'm reading a book about Swedish automotive history. It's a real Saab story.

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A church had their AC stolen The next day there was a note on the church doors reading: "Dear thief! Keep the AC you stole, where you'll be going you'll need it"

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Just finished reading a book on the history of tampons. Very absorbing

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I've just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden… And I'm thinking, "Who's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"

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I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said… Tough on Grime.

Smashes Dirt.

Hard on Stains.

I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…

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Scientists are testing new mind reading methods with ants It sounds like a cool psy-ants project

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I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains She said "I have been reading into astrology and its said that Capricorn, the sea-goat, has more knee pains. Are you a Capricorn?"

I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."

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I was reading the other day about the damage that cigarettes can do to children. The first thought that hit me was "What ever happened to using ashtrays?".

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Reading in French it's pretty *lit*.

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Arguing with your Lady is like reading "Terms and Conditions of Use" In the end You just give up understanding, and say: "I Agree"

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I bought a book on procrastination. Never got around to reading it.

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Looking at my face is like reading in the car It's all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick

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I read an article about how bad drinking alcohol is. So I stopped reading.

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Airplane Humor I'm reading a book about a man who stopped an airplane from crashing.

It's pretty uplifting.

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Therapist: do u blame yourself for your parents divorce Me: not really

Therapist [quietly while reading through notes]: you probably should

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‘North Korea plans nuclear attack targeting US’ At first I was alarmed at reading this, then I realised they meant United States.

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I'm suspicious that my dictaphone is suddenly full although I may be reading too much into it

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Wife asked me why I always read the instructions that come with personal lubricants. I thought she knew that I like reading non-friction.

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I spend my spare time reading the Thesaurus... because the mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

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A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes. I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.

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How did Hellen Keller break her arms? Reading road signs at 70 mph.

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I'm reading a book called "Anticlimax" It starts off well

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I finished reading The Dictionary the other day... Spoiler alert, the zebra did it

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Arguing with my wife is like reading an End User License Agreement I don't understand much of what she's saying and end up clicking on 'I Agree' anyway

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TIL the people most knowledgeable about something Are not the people that work in that industry, but their customers who have done a little online reading. /s

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I've been reading a really interesting book about the history of superglue. .. I can't put it down

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I had a dream last night that I was reading Lord of the Rings to people. Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep.

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I'm reading an interesting book about Electromagnetic Levitation I can't put it down

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I used to be a fan of reading Tolkien But then I kicked the hobbit

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Where do Chinese babies come from? VaChina.

Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry.

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Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone. If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

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I'm reading a book about soil The plot thickens

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Wife Wanted A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds “Wife Wanted”.
The next day, he received hundreds of replies,
all reading: “You can have mine

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I finally got around to reading that book on watches I got last year It's about time.

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I'm reading a book on evolution... The beginning wasn't great, but it's getting better over time.

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After reading, 50 shades of grey, my wife asked to treat her like Anastasia ... so I got the Bolshevik secret police to murder her family and I sold her to a Russian pig farmer.

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I'm reading the newspaper with a vengeance. This time it's personals.

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What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book? He removed the appendix!

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Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

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[Meta] Any good books of jokes? I love reading all the jokes on here. Any recommended compilations or books?

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