Hilarious Sea Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Sea Jokes

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Edit: Sorry.

Score: 35246

Score: 14960

Dating is a lot like fishing... Sure there is plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I am just stuck here holding my rod.

Score: 8818

Build the wall Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 2829

Did you know that Iceland... ...is only one sea away from Ireland?

Score: 2523

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.

Score: 1500

Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

Score: 1071

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral

As in

Without an ion

Score: 847

What's the difference between a seal and sea lion? One electron

Score: 732

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Score: 729

With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea... But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

Score: 683

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda. When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

Score: 646

When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...

Score: 488

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice. Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

Score: 445

They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.

Score: 443

How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.

Score: 383

An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!

I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Score: 348

What is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? an electron

Score: 334

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly Sherman marched to the sea

Score: 301

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 301

How does a pregnant mermaid give birth? "Sea-section"

Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.

Score: 281

My wife is so ugly... she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.

Score: 239

Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.

Score: 236

1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri My to doo list

Score: 233

Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea. All i got was 6 years for armed robbery.

Score: 220

How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?

Score: 175

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.

Score: 165

My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh.

If you put your ear to it, I swear you could smell the ocean.

Score: 151

They say there's plenty of fish in the sea But until I catch one I'm just sittin' here holding my rod

Score: 145

I used to think an ocean of soda existed. Turns out it was just Fanta sea.

Score: 134

How do mermaids give birth? A sea section.

Score: 120

Have you ever noticed that Ireland is just one sea away from.... Iceland

Score: 104

A research shows that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors. The rest are πrates

Score: 77

A ship is sailing through the sea... passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

Score: 67

If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

Score: 65

Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.

Score: 51

Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells? Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small.

Score: 45

How do mermaids give birth? They get a sea section.

Score: 45

Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells? She's not big enough for d shells.

Score: 43

Why did the mermaid wear sea shells? Cause she was too big for B- shells!

(my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)

Score: 42

New Sea Jokes

I can do an amazing sea turtle impression.... *chokes on a plastic bag*

Score: 10

Call me racist if you want but south of the border is a sea full of violence, incompetence and present uncertainty. Wouldn't touch it with a pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Scotland.

Score: 13

Do you know why the sea is always so salty? Because the land never waves back.

Score: 10

A man calls the IRS office "Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on the cheque you sent me for my tax return, you've written it as cyirwu."

"I'm sorry about that, could you spell it out for me?"

"Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u, and Y as in you."

Score: 7

You think your puns are bad? Just wait until you sea mine

Score: 4

Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. A submarine goes by. — Heavens! What’s that? — Just a can of people.

Score: 7

A group of deep-sea explorers died after 100 hours of overworking. The pressure was too much.

Score: 4

How do dictators travel on the sea? In dictatorships.

Score: 18

Most people tell me there are many fish in the sea. So till i catch one imma play with my rod

Score: 16

Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.

Score: 24

Q: what's the friendliest animal in the sea? A cuddle-fish.

Score: 7

Why couldn't the pirate finish learning the alphabet? He got lost at sea

Score: 9

Which part of Europe took in the most refugees? The Mediterranean sea

Score: 8

Why couldn't the pirate finish the alphabet? Because he always got lost at "sea".

Score: 4

They say there are oceans on the moon... I think that's lunar sea.

Score: 5

What did the sea say to the mermaid? Nothing, it just waved.

Score: 6

What did Moses use to cut the sea in half? A sea saw.

Score: 17

I found out that sponges grow in the sea today. It kills me, just think how deep it would be if they didn't.

Score: 5

Why did the sea lion buy Tupperware? He wanted to find a tight seal.

Score: 4

I went fishing recently and caught a 20lb sea bass. I tried to mount it But I was arrested for indecent exposure.

Score: 8

What do you give to a female fish that has trouble laying her eggs? a SEA-section

Score: 10

How did the sea-wall collapse? It cracked under pier pressure.

...

Score: 4

What's the difference between an astronaut and a deep sea diver? The pressure.

Score: 6

Why do deep sea fish do drugs? Because the pressure is too high.

Score: 8

What do you call an anti-Semitic sea mammal? Adolfin.

Score: 4

What was the name of Hitler's boat? Knot Sea

Score: 4

Why does a fighting fish keep its eyes open? So it can sea anenome.

Score: 10

What do Sea Monsters eat? Fish & Ships

Score: 25

I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains She said "I have been reading into astrology and its said that Capricorn, the sea-goat, has more knee pains. Are you a Capricorn?"

I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."

Score: 4

What happens if u throw a purple hat in the black sea? It gets wet.

Score: 11

Two fish are in a tank... ...And one fish says "you man the guns, I'l drive!"

(laugh track)

Suddenly, the fish points to the horizon and says "What is that over there?" The other fish then exclaims "That's anemone! I can sea him!"

Score: 8

Have you ever noticed... Ireland is one "sea" from Iceland?

Score: 16

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Cause if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

Score: 8

What do you call a member of the armed forces in the north sea? A navy seal.

Score: 4

Why don't people like talking about the melting sea ice? It's a polarizing issue.

Score: 4

I made a good video about steak in a sea of bad videos about steak... I guess you could say it's a rare example of a medium well done.

Score: 8

I had a dream I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda I guess you could say it was a Fanta-sea

Score: 12

There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...and they're easy to catch if you've got a big rod.

Score: 10

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea-weed.

*First joke my 4 year old son learnt

Score: 11

So they say there are plenty of fish in the sea... and yet here I am still playing with my rod.

Score: 7

Funeral Plans When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the sea.

So when my family eats sushi they'll think of me.

Score: 9

Joke from my 7yr old son - If a bird that flies over the sea is a seagull, what is... ... a bird that flies over the bay?

A BAGEL!

Ba dum, tsss

Score: 9

Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors. Those poor unfortunate soles.

Score: 4

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says, "Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Score: 8

Why are deep sea fish always so stressed? Because they're under a lot of pressure.

Score: 36

I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.

Score: 11

They're now growing marijuana underneath the ocean I guess they'll call it..."sea-weed"!

Score: 4

Day 20: Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a compass protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy leg man

Score: 14

Why do seagulls hang out by the sea and not the bay? Because they're not bagels...

Score: 5

Did you know that Iceland... ...is only one sea away from Ireland…

Score: 16

What do you call a sea that prefers the temperature outside to be between 31.2 °C and 33.1 °C? The Specific Ocean.

Score: 26

Last night I dreamt that I was drinking orange soda... But the I woke up and realized that it was just a Fanta-sea.

Score: 26

Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells? Because she doesn't fit into B shells

Score: 4

My wife has a shell tattood on her upper thigh.. And if you lay your ear on top of it, you can smell the sea.

Score: 8

Sometimes I feel a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral

as in

Without an ion

Score: 29

How does mother nature give birth? With a sea-section

Score: 9

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World. So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."

Score: 18

Who took in most refugess? The Mediterranian Sea.

Score: 9

I said to my wife's mother "when you're dead, I'll dance in your grave." she said: "Good, I'm being buried at sea."

Score: 21

How was the red sea made? Over a very long period

Score: 30