Hilarious Shower Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Shower Jokes

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth Then it just becomes a soap opera.

Score: 856

I have bathed in the blood of virgins! I had a nosebleed in the shower.

Score: 760

Two guys in a communal shower... Guy1: You wanna play the rape game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!

Score: 741

Score: 459

A programmer got stuck in the shower because... The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

Score: 386

I've been clean for 45 days now It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

Score: 382

I took ten photos of myself in the shower, but hated them all. Turns out I have selfie-steam issues

Score: 359

My wife asked me to please quit singing Wonderwall in the shower I said maybe.

Score: 347

I'm 30 days clean now Taking a shower every day was hard, it's a good thing I had meth to get me through it

Score: 310

My friend is obsessed with taking selfies in the shower, but they always turn out blurry He has selfie steam problems.

Score: 276

I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off... the shower gets turned on.

Score: 245

TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower.

Score: 215

What's the Difference between NHL Players and the Jersey Shore Girls? NHL Players shower after three periods.

Score: 210

If I offer to wash your back in the shower, All you have to do is answer, “yes”, or “no.”

None of this “Who are you and how did you get in here” nonsense.

Score: 208

Usually when I get naked in the bath room The shower gets turned on

Score: 207

A bald guy slipped in the shower Fell on his head and slipped again.

Score: 195

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

Score: 193

Why did the priest go to the gym? For muscle mass.

I thought of this one in the shower this morning.

Score: 191

Apparently the Dad jokes never stop... I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...

Score: 187

I’m finally 5 years clean! Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I’ve had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

Score: 164

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank. They just wash up on shore afterward.

Score: 163

Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.

Score: 158

My neighbor thinks I spy on her.. I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now

Score: 149

How do you get a hipster to take a shower? Give them a leaky showerhead.

You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

Score: 144

Who cares if you pee in the shower? The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Score: 134

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? A hockey player will shower after three periods.

Score: 117

I overheard my wife singing in the shower. "You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her.

"I can't sing," she replied.

I said, "Exactly."

Score: 108

This joke I made up while in the shower What's the difference between my shower and everyone?

My shower gets turned on by me.

Score: 105

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth then it becomes a soap opera

Score: 89

Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain? Oh. So it's you then.

Score: 87

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? A hockey player takes shower after three periods.

Score: 73

I just enlisted my kids into the Navy. Or as the wife calls it, masturbated in the shower.

Score: 72

My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.

Score: 57

Isn't It Ironic? My wife was trying to explain to me that I didn't know what irony meant, which was ironic because I had just taken a shower.

Score: 53

I hope I don't go to prison after what I did today. When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.

Score: 28

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? The hockey player takes a shower every 3 periods.

Score: 24

What's the difference between a Hockey Player and a Hippie Chick? A Hockey Player takes a shower after three periods

Score: 24

My girlfriend doesn't think I can think fix the electric shower. Well, she's in for a shock.

Score: 22

I took a picture of a meteor shower that looked just like the main character from The Legend of Zelda. Link in the comets.

Score: 19

Usually when I get naked The shower gets turned on

Score: 18

New Shower Jokes

I finally bought a telescope yesterday to watch the meteorite shower. I'm still trying to figure out why my neighbor's named their daughter the meteor though.

Score: 2

My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself while he’s taking a shower. He has serious selfie steam issues.

Score: 14

What do you call a hoe in the shower A shower thot

Score: 10

I called my plumber because my shower wouldn't work for my black friend. "Well, yeah," he replied. "'Spigoted."

Score: 5

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I may Pikachu. But, it's only 'cause I'm trying to see the Jigglypuffs.

Score: 5

What did Hitler tell his footballteam after losing the match? Get in the shower

Score: 2

Your UG education can help shape your future Without it you'd just be a Shower Thot

Score: 2

My blonde roommate walked into the bathroom with an undercooked steak, camera, and towel. She said "I'm getting some snaps of a rare, meatier shower."

Score: 2

My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself while he’s taking a shower. He has some serious selfie steam issues.

Score: 4

I want to take a shower selfie but the condensation keeps messing it up Guess I have selfie-steam issues

Score: 11

How is hummus like a golden shower? They're both made of chickpea.

Score: 4

There are only two type of guys. Those who pee in the shower And those who lie.

Score: 4

New Years resolution to recycle water I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don’t care what everyone else at the gym says.

Score: 5

I had such a massive hangover this morning, I just stood in the shower for nearly an hour... Then I summoned the strength to turn it on.

Score: 5

What's the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? hockey players shower after three periods

Score: 14

A meteor shower destroyed the Red Cross headquarters. All Perseids went to charity.

Score: 3

70% of men whack off in the shower. The rest of them sing. You know what they sing? ...No, I didn't think you did.

Score: 7

Why shouldn't you shower with a pokemon around? He might Pikachu!

Score: 7

last weekend was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary So we threw them a golden shower.

Score: 3

Why doesn't a pirate take a shower before he walks the plank? 'Cause he'll just wash up on shore later.

Score: 5

I slipped in the shower yesterday... Almost lost 28 years down the drain...

Score: 3

What if you died you got stats Something like:
Hours on the internet: 46284. |
Burpees done: 1.25. |
Hours spent crying in a shower: 6627

Score: 7

My shower has a fetish for me.. Because when I step in naked it gets turned on.

Score: 17

I walked into John Cena taking a shower I think I've Cena nuff

Score: 6

Why did the burglar take a shower? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Score: 4

One time I took a shower I gave it back a while later

Score: 3

When I'm naked in the bathroom The shower usually gets turned on

Score: 5

I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".

Score: 8

Yesterday I Found A Very Hot Girl And I recommended her to drink some cold drinks or get a shower.

Score: 4

There are two types of people in this world... Those who pee in the shower, and those who lie

Score: 4

Wife is mad at me..caught me peeing in the shower. People at the hardware store were pretty mad too.

Score: 8

I've been playing video games since I was eight years old. I should probably go and have a shower.

Score: 11

John wanted to take a shower at his mates His mate says "did you find the shampoo?"

John replies "Yes, but it says 'For Dry Hair' and I've just wet mine!"

Score: 2

Life Pro Tip Make sure you always blow dry your hair, it gives you an extra couple minutes to cry once you're out of the shower!

Score: 3

It's weird that they call it a baby shower. A more accurate name would be a supplies party.

Score: 3

What do weight lifter's do in the shower? Clean and Jerk

Score: 6

How do you clean a planet of dinosaurs? Give it a meteor shower.

Score: 5

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth. I think they may be trying to groom me.

Score: 9

Despite the confidant assurances of the bottle... So far the promise of "No More Tears" has only held true in the shower.

Score: 2

What's the worst part about jerking off in the shower? When your laptop breaks.

Score: 15

John was taking a shower John: Mum can you bring me the shampoo?
*Mum brings him the shampoo*
John: Mum can you bring me some other shampoo?
Mum: I just brought you one.
John: This one is dry hair only, I've already wet mine.

Score: 2

Lately my self esteem has been so low... Even in the shower I sing backup vocals.

Score: 2

I peed in the shower once The manager of Home Depot kicked me out

Score: 6

What is 4 inches long and expands when there's a women in a running shower? A sponge

Score: 16

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Score: 3

Why don't you ever shower with a Pokemon? They might Pikachu

Score: 5

What is one event the guest of honor is not expected to show up? A baby shower

Score: 5

I'm selling this new shower radio I just bought a few days ago. It keeps singing the wrong lyrics.

Score: 3

What do you call it when your shower tiles are cracked and don't repel water the way they should? A wrecked tile dysfunction.

Score: 17

I wasn't that drunk yesterday. "I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Score: 6

1st day in prison, was a bit scared, but the guys have said I can have a job already Apparently I pick up bars of soap in the shower, I start tomorrow, wish me luck.

Score: 4

If thinking deeply in the shower is called a showerthought And thinking deeply on the toilet a shitthought, what would you call thinking deeply while driving?

An accident.

Score: 4

Finding the perfect shower temperature on the first try is like my girlfriend Non existent, but I hope every day.

Score: 4

What's the difference between a hockey player and a French Canadian woman? Hockey players shower after 3 periods.

Score: 2

Last time I flew on Malaysian Airlines, I decided not to shower first. I figured I could just wash up on shore.

Score: 13

A black 6th grader goes to the swimming pool with his class When he returned home, he asked his Mum:

"Hey mum, everybody was staring at my wee-wee in the communal shower. They said it's so big. Is it because I'm black?

"No Jamal, it's because you're 18"

Score: 7

My German plumber accidentally hooked up a gas pipe to my shower Old habits die hard

Score: 2

PSA: This year, lets refrain from the 'I haven't taken a shower since last year!' jokes. Please and thank you.

Score: 17

Why should you never take a shower with a pokemon? Because it may Pikachu.

Score: 2

I went to get lyposuction the other day. It really takes a lot out of you. (Thought of this one in the shower :D)

Score: 3