Hilarious Soldier Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Soldier Jokes

A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'

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A North Korean Soldier Walks Into A Bar The bartender asks, "How's it going?" The North Korean soldier replies, "Can't complain!"

Score: 10850

What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran

Score: 3483

What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat? The soldier knew what he signed up for.

Score: 2078

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he? A seasoned veteran.

Score: 2036

What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.

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I once knew a soldier who suffered through both mustard gas and pepper spray. He was a seasoned veteran.

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Camouflage training The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning."

"Thank you very much, sir."

Score: 280

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks? A seasoned veteran.

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What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.

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There was a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's now a seasoned veteran.

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A roman soldier walks into a bar A roman soldier walks into a bar and asks for a *martinus*.

“You mean *martini*?”, asks the bartender.

The roman soldier answers “If I wanted two, I would have told you!”

Score: 212

I once killed an enemy soldier by cutting off his feet. I defeated him.

Score: 211

What do you call a soldier who has been mustard gassed and pepper sprayed? A seasoned veteran.. I'm so sorry

Score: 175

A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die?

**Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!

Score: 146

Did you hear about the soldier that got pepper sprayed? He's a seasoned veteran now.

Score: 146

A soldier survived mustard gas one day, and was pepper sprayed the next. He was a seasoned veteran.

Score: 138

A joke from WWII A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:

"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"

"Half a million within two days."

"And if we invade with a million troops?"

"We shoot twice and go home."

Score: 132

Camouflage training "Soldier!"
"Yes, sergeant!"
"I haven't seen you at camouflage training today!"
"Thank you, sergeant!"

Score: 123

I met a Soldier that survived Mustard Gas and Pepper spray He was a seasoned Veteran

Score: 122

Officer: Soldier, I did not see you in camouflage class. Soldier: Thank you sir.

Score: 105

What do you call a soldier that has survived both mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned warrior

Score: 98

When I got depressed, I joined the Army. I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on.

Score: 90

Officer: I did not see you in camouflage class... Soldier: Thank you, officer.

Score: 89

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper sprayed by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.

Score: 87

What do you call a soldier who is nervous in battle and wields a long weapon? Shakespeare

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What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist.

Score: 73

What's the difference between a soldier and a teacher? As a soldier, it is your job to kill people.

As a teacher, it is your job to try very hard not to kill people.

Score: 70

I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. Crazy conversations, he was definitely a seasoned veteran.

Score: 66

The soldier survived pepper spray and mustard gas He is now a seasoned veteran.

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I say a soldier who survives a mustard gas and a pepper spray attack must be a seasoned veteran.

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Why was the soldier tired on April 1st? He had just come through a 31-day March.

Score: 57

A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent... In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.

In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.

In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.

Score: 56

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 49

After years in the Military After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.

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A soldier Survived mustard gas in the battle , and then the pepper spray by the police. He is now a seasoned veteran.

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Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police? He's now a seasoned veteran.

Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this

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Do you know about the soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? He's a seasoned veteran.

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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by police. He’s now a seasoned veteran

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New Soldier Jokes

During his time in the army, Bob Marley always polished his boots quietly with no one else about... He was a buff alone soldier.

Score: 2

A Russian special forces soldier quit his job to be a stripper His stage name is Spetsnazty

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What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words? My feet are killing me!

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Roman soldier walks into a bar and holds up two fingers And says "5 pints of beer please"

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You must be a german soldier in 1945 girl. Because you’re finna battle this bulge.

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Why was the baker the best soldier in the army? Cuz he went in buns blazing

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A soldier once got attacked by pepper spray and mustered gas He became a seasoned veteran..........Sorry

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Did you hear about the Italian foot soldier who ran away from the front line He ran so far away from the front line that he bumped into a general

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One Soviet Soldier asks another, “What is the difference between the United States constitution and the Soviet constitution? They both guarantee the freedom of speech.”

The other soldier answers, “One grants freedom after the speech.”

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It’s 1917 and WW1 is raging on A German soldier walks into a BAR

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My grandad is a soldier and has survived pepper spray and mustard gas He's a seasoned veteran.

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What's the difference between a soldier and a comedian? If the comedian bombs his set, at least he still gets to walk away.

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Solider 1: Don’t die on me, you hear me!? Soldier 2: I’ve been lung shot. This is the end for me. Tell my wife I love her... ...sister

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An American Soldier Meets an Australian Soldier At a Warzone **American soldier:** Did you come here to die?

**Australian soldier:** Nah mate, came 'ere yesterday!

Score: 27

Hey did you hear about that medieval soldier that didn't get proper sleep? Well, it's probably because he kept pullin' an all Knighter

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General: soldier I did not see you in camouflage class today! Soldier: Thanks, Sir....

Yes this is me ... I fixed the original post....

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General: soldier I have not see you in camouflage class today Soldier: Thanks, Sir!

Score: 5

My ex girlfriend got an STD from a soldier. Gunnerrhea.

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Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier? He was kilt in action.

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Music can inspire us to be better people... The other day I saw a depressed looking veteran in full uniform. So I walked up to him, smiled, and polished his medals. Because as Bob Marley said, 'Buff a low soldier.'

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Did you hear about the soldier who threw up on his commanding officer? It was a dishonorable discharge.

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A general was traning the soldiers... General:Soldier i dind't see you at the camouflage traning
Soldier:Thank you General!

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What's the different between a confident soldier and a warning helmsman? One shoots from the hip and the other hoots from the ship.

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What's a German soldier's favorite vacation spot? A French retreat.

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A soldier comes up and asks me what today's date is. I say "October fourth". He says 10-4

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What did the Japanese rose say to the American soldier when they met in Vietnam? Miso Thorny

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How Did the Soldier Get Pinned Down? He was under a tack.

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A Roman soldier walked into an inn.. "One Martinus please!"

The bartender said, "You mean a martini?"

The soldier responded - "If I wanted two of them, I would've asked for it."

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"Say, medic", says a soldier, "why do you always have to say 'I cannot wait'? Is that your battle cry or something?" "If I could wait, I would not be medic.
I would be patient!"

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Did you hear the one about the soldier who came home unexpectedly ? His wife woke up to find him standing at the foot of the bed with his discharge in his hands.

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What's the difference between a racist and a soldier? The soldier doesn't discriminate.

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How did the ISIS soldier cross the road? In pieces.

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What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common? They both have access to arms.

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Why was the soldier put to firing squad? Because they found him eating 3 musketeers

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Did you hear about the soldier who survived a mustard gas attack and got pepper sprayed? He is a real seasoned veteran.

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A soldier was mustard gassed, then he was pepper sprayed by the police... He is now a seasoned veteran.

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Did you hear about the female soldier who deserted her unit during combat to tend to her yeast infection? She was sentenced with dishonorable discharge.

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What did the soldier that was under a tack say? I'm pinned down!

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What did the soldier scream when he got shot in the crotch? MEDIIIIIIIIC!

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Did you hear about the dyslexic Soldier? He used specialist Tic-Tacs to infiltrate the enemy base.

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A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.

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What's an SS soldier's favorite key? I don't know, but I know it's not C!

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Why do a German soldier's hands never get cold? Because they've gott mit-uns

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An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV. He asked, "What is that for?"

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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then peppery spray by the police... he is now a seasoned veteran

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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle and pepperspray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran

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An Australian soldier arrives at the front line in WW1 where he meets a British officer.
The officer asks "have come here to die too?"
The soldier replies
"No sir, I came yesterday."

Score: 4

I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray... He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 16

How many Latvian to eat potato? soldier

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